unreasonable not letting 18 year old and 16 year old sleep together

[autumnhope29]

should i let my daughter 15( 16 in a month) stay over at her boyfriends (17 nearly 18) and if they do stay together should it be separate beds or same bed ... i know my daughter has sex with this boy but his mum doesn't know they do ...what do i do about that also ? i feel i am being unreasonable not letting her sleep with the boy she loves but i believe the only boy she should sleep with is her husband .

[TeenAndTween]

I have a 15yo DD.

Your daughter is under age. He is 2 years older and more mature.
She is in the run up to GCSEs.
These 2 points would lead me to say No and to subtly discourage the relationship.

How long have they been together?
Having sex with him will make it harder when/if they break up.

However, even I, who am usually on the restrictive side of things compared with most on here, think holding out for sleeping with no one until married is an unrealistic ask these days (though you can hope).

I am hoping DD holds out until after 6th form, though if she gets a serious long term boyfriend at college I think these days it would be hard to stop her if she was set on it.

[Gymbob]

do you know the parents of the boy? I would have told them their son is sleeping with my daughter.

OK, so they are doing it, but I wouldn't condone it, she's still under age and my daughter won't be sleeping with her boyfriend under my roof, but as for saving sex for marriage, well that's a lovely fluffy idea isn't it

[meandjulio]

You make the rules. Until you feel OK with it, carry on.

[SantasFavouriteHo]

She's already had sex with him so the idea of 'saving' herself for marriage is already out the window now isn't it.

I guess you can say 'your house, your rules' but tbh won't that mean they'll just find somewhere else to do it? Banning it might make it more appealing and make her less likely to talk to you about issues she might need you to help with

Personally I'd be looking at lots of conversation about still making sure she works hard, still makes time for her hobbies and friends and sees this boy and getting her on a reliable contraception

[SirVixofVixHall]

I'm confused, you are saying you are worried about not letting a girl who is legally still a child, sleep with a "boy she loves" and yet you want her to only sleep with her husband? Um....Bit late for that? She is fifteen for goodness sake, her boyfriend is nearly 18, that is actually quite a big gap at their age. Why have you not talked to his parents? Could he not be put on the sex offenders register for this? (or would that only apply if he was 18, I don't know but someone else will). I would call his parents asap and no, I would not let her stay over at his.

[Smurfingreat]

I think it depends on the teenagers and their relationship. Whilst it may not be ideal, if they are already sleeping together, it is a situation that is already happening.

I was having sex with my first boyfriend at that age - we had exactly the same age gap as you describe. I still feel lucky that I lost my virginity in a long term relationship with a man who really cared for me. I had friends whose ages may have been technically more "appropriate" but who suffered long term mental damage from sleeping with the wrong person at a young age. Base your decision on the young people you know well.

[TheCraicDealer]

She's already sleeping with him, and for the sake of a month what's the point in getting het up about the fact she's technically underage? They're going to do it whether you like it or not, the best thing you can do in this situation is help her figure out the most reliable form of contraception for her and give her the self-confidence to say "no" to anything she doesn't want to do. If they're in a loving, healthy relationship that's a hell of a lot more important in my eyes than the sake of a few months. Cracking down down would make sense if they were 14 and 16, but not when they seem to be reasonably mature and she's a matter of weeks off the age of consent.

You could legitimately take the "not under my roof" route, but it'd probably take a long time for her to discuss things like this with you openly again. My parents pretty much let my boyfriend sleep in my bed from I was sixteen- frankly the idea of shagging with them next door put the dampners on any amorous activities, but I really appreciated my (usually staid) dad recognising that I was sensible and in a loving long term relationship with someone who thought the world of me. Based on your OP I would let them after her 16th, so long as she went on a form of long term contraception.

You might prefer that she only sleep with the man who is one day going to be her husband, but that horse has bolted. It's her decision who she sleeps with and she's going to do it whether you let her in your house or not. She's just going to seek out grimmer locations if you don't.

[autumnhope29]

Her boyfriend turns 18 a week before she is 16 and they have been dating for a year and I like the boy he has done nothing to hurt my daughter he is there for her 24/7 whenever she needs him picking her up in his car or on the phone at 3 in the morning .... he is loving and caring so for them to be having sex when my daughter is underage then so be it he doesn't force her into anything and as far as I know it was a neutral decision from both of them to have sex . It's just the sleeping over part that I'm unsure about is she too young ? I'm I being an irresponsible parent ? If I let them

[ChillySundays]

My DD and boyfriend are 19 - do not share a bed in either house.

[chocoluvva]

Do you know his mum? I'd try to engineer a chat with her when you pick up your DD. Or you could phone her and say that your DD and her DS have asked if she can stay over at his and that this would be okay with you, provided that she is okay with it. And I'd leave it to her to decide on the sleeping arrangements as it's her house. As her DS is pretty much an adult I wouldn't tell her that they have had sex unless she specifically asks.