Depressed 15 year old

[alloyd]

I am so concerned about my son. He is extremely smart. In 2010 he told the counselor at school he wanted to end his life and he was in the 5th or 6th grade and was being bullied. So he began high school at an early college. Things were going well but then he started to say they picked on his skin color etc. He said he doesn't like himself and once again said he thought about taking his life. The hospital said they were going to call the school.

Anyways last month, he and I went shopping and he said he felt much better. My oldest son went to pick him up from school and the children called my oldest son big and dark. Well the next day they did it again and my son shut down the whole cafertia. My youngest had gone on to the car. He got back in his depressed mood.

So I started therapy with him. I had got upset and felt like it was a game. He always has liked to be in control. He would play with children as long as they played by his rules. So I wasn't into no games. I told the therapist he was doing well then comes off saying he just said he felt better and really didn't. I told him how he went Christmas shopping last month and was doing well. He said that is how depression is highs and lows. I am praying I get some peace eventually. He said that the therapy session got him focusing on positive instead of negative.

Has anyone had any good things to come out of therapy? He said the world is so cruel and he has a hard time accepting the world for what it is. He said that he is always teased about his complexion and he don't like that. I don't know what to do.

[alloyd]

Any advice anyone?

[heyday]

I did two years of therapy with the child and family consultation service and yes, it did really help but it did take time. My son was 12 a
and becoming pretty much out of control at that time.
Try to find things to build up his self esteem, many youngsters who are having a hard time find that engaging in activitiest such as music, sport especially boxing or something artistic is a release from the pressures of life.
If he is being bullied for the colour of his skin then perhaps he would be better off in a different school or a different area where there is more diversity.
I think that 15 is a real peak time for young people to become very depressed. I presume that it's partly down to hormones and also the highly confusing position of not quite being a child and not quite being an adult.
Talk to him about things he would like to do, hobbies and interests that can keep his mind focussed on more positive, enjoyable things and which let him see that life isn't all bad.

[alloyd]

Thanks heyday. He is enrolling in soccer for the spring. He has also gotten into some freelance modeling since he loves fashion.

I asked him about changing schools but he wants to remain there. The thing is predominately all the children at the school are his race. He isn't the only one there that is dark skinned.

I agree that 15 is a time in which they are trying to find their place and it is difficult. He seems to be improving. I am going to continue therapy as he stated he likes talking to his therapist.

[heyday]

Well there are real signs of some small steps to DS being in a more positive place. It's so good for young boys to have good male role models around them. Is there anyone in his close circle whom he can trust and look up to?
Glad he says he likes talking to his therapist, that's also positive.
Keep looking for other things he can get involved in. Modelling is a good thing but can focus very much on looks and image which may not be too helpful for him if he is feeling low but guess see how it goes.
Don't forget to keep telling him that you are proud of him and that you love him and hopefully this dark period in his life will soon pass.

[alloyd]

He has his dad and older brother who are both positive role models. His dad is in law enforcement and his older brother is in college and working part-time. He seems to talk to his dad about anything and I thought he did the same with his brother. I am going to keep him uplifted.

Another thing that I feel has helped him is that the Xbox and Playstation are both having server problems so he can't get online with those friends (many he don't even know and met online). He been going out skateboarding and playing basketball. He said he enjoyed being outside. I was glad to hear that. Maybe that will keep him from staying in the house so much. Those video games can destroy socialization skills for our youth because they call those online people friends and they are not friends. Thanks for your help Heyday.

As far as modeling goes it does focus on looks but he seems to like the idea so we will see. If he doesn't like it then I will definitely encourage him to let it go. Also the soccer is going to be a big help I think along with the skateboarding group he is organizing with a teacher.

[heyday]

Lots of positive things/people in his life so hopefully he will soon see that life really is worth living. He sounds like a smart, sensitive young man who perhaps thinks about things a little too deeply and therefore he sees the world as a nasty, cruel place. Indeed, it can be a nasty, cruel place but it can also be a wonderful, beautiful place. He is very lucky to have a family that obviously loves him. I hope things will get better for him soon.
Wintertime is a difficult time of year too so perhaps his mood will improve once the better weather starts again.