DS15 not eating at school and lying about it

[Mandy2003]

I posted this in Chat a few days ago but nobody replied

At the start of this term in September he said he had £20 on his dinner money account so didn't need any more. He's never asked for more during this half term and if he'd had all the meals he said he'd had it would have been used up by now. He takes packed lunches 3 days a week. Sometimes the protein portion of the lunch is brought home and he says he didn't have time to eat it, or he says he had a bacon sandwich/sausage panini etc at morning break instead. But records show he never has.

Well, I'd got suspicious about him not putting any more money on his account so today I asked the school for a record. Since September 4th he's bought precisely one muffin, one chocolate bar, one bottle of water and one milkshake.

Every Thursday and Friday (school dinner days) he says he's had roast dinner and fish and chips, even describing what they were like. But he's never bought or eaten them!! He eats well at home btw.

Maybe its something to do with the catering arrangements for Year 11s that's bothering him. I will have to tread carefully wrt eating disorders because he keeps saying he's fat (just about 9st!) and he's worried about being "small and weak". He's had no significant growth spurt in the last year and many classmates are now well over 6 foot.

But how should I raise the subject without making him think I am angry about it? (I am, though, about the lying) and I wonder what arrangements the school could make to solve the problem? What do schools usually do for students with eating disorders?

[thisusernameisunavailable]

Really Im giving you a little bump. in the hope someone cleverer will be along.
Is he definitely eating at home?
Why does he have packed lunch 3 days and school the other 2?
Could you get him involved in deciding and preparing packed lunches?
Does he bring up he thinks hes fat often, could this be your way in to a conversation? Next time he mentions it, say you noticed he had not put any extra money on his account, and let the conversation go from there?

[CunfuddledAlways]

Bump

[oddsocksmostly]

My DD also doesn't eat at school. The packed lunch is taken and returns hardly touched. Like your son, she eats well at home, so I am not too bothered, although obviously it's not ideal. sometimes I think it's not cool to sit down for lunch at school, a bit like not wearing a coat!

[Chandon]

Packed lunch every day?

Chosen and packed by him?

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

High School catering is perfectly designed to encourage eating disorders and obesity in equal measures. Uninspiring food, long queues, ever shorter luch hours.

The temptation to skip lunch, through the desire to eat less, have time to do HW, sport (choir in DD1's case), just chill with your mates (DD2) or simply have money for sweets on route or bacon butties at brunch is huge.

Sadly senior school undoes all primaries preaching in the first 1/2 term of Y7.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I agree all you can do is insist he takes a packed lunch and ensure he eats well at home.

[Passmethecrisps]

I think all you can do is talk to him about it.

Explain that you are confused and worried about why he would do this and give him a chance to put your mind at ease.

Does he mention clubs etc? If he is genuinely skipping lunch because of queues in the canteen then surely he would mention this and ask for a packed lunch the other days.

He could be sharing food with a friend - just straightforward being a bit fussy.

There are lots of potential reasons but you need to match his fibbing with honesty if you want to get to the bottom of it.

Good luck

[Chandon]

And I don't think lying about it, and worrying about being thin/fat equals the beginning of an eating disorder.

My DS eats nothing on Thursdays, it seems.

I found out it is because the teacher makes them tidy up the room (D&T) and they are then late for the lunch queue, and DS prefers to go hungry for a day to standing his whole break in the lunch queue.

He lied to me as he knew I'd worry.

He now always has some oat cakes on him for emergency days, which will keep him going.

[OwlCapone]

Is this a cashless card system? DS1s card malfunctioned and he had a whole term where no money was taken from it. Is this a way for you to broach the subject with him without accusing him of lying?

[43percentburnt]

I think it's scarily common. What about a proper breakfast bacon or egg sandwich or even a tuna sandwich or cheese and tuna on toast with whole meal bread - followed by fruit and yoghurt. Then something when he gets in from school at 3.30 ish then dinner at 6.30 ish.

[Boysandme]

My DS (13) doesn't always eat at school. Says it's too much effort to walk from the top field to the canteen so chooses not to. It is cashless catering and I can log on and see exactly what he buys. Pretty much bacon rolls and pasties a few times a week but often nothing on a couple of days.
I have told him he needs to eat more as he's growing now (finally getting taller in yr9 which he's been desperate for as lots of his mates grew in yr7).

Then again this morning I saw him eating crisps for breakfast, when challenged he said it's better than nothing. Yes, but..,,

Tricky to get a good balance. DH is tall and very slim, I am short and rather rotund (to put it politely) and I know my attitude to food is vastly affected by my upbringing so don't want to do that to him.