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Teenagers

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6 replies

Chocoholic36 · 11/09/2014 15:06

I am sat her shaking and I don't know what to do.

Drs is 12. - 13 in April. He has an iPod touch and he listens to music plays games etc. I was changing his bed today and I found his iPod under his pillow. I needed to google something so i went on Safari and it was porn. I looked through his history and it's all porn sites. What should I do.

He has gone through/ is going through puberty now and that started when he was 9. I understand he is going through changes and will have sexual urges/ thoughts - is that the right way to say it? Dh and I have given him the 'talk' and we are a very open family so if he had any questions etc he could have easily come to us.

Dh and I have had a huge row as he says this is normal. I just feel at 12 he is too young to be seeing anything like this and also the consequences of porn and what real sex/bodies are like.

Dh said just to ignore it but I don't want him to see these images.

Am I completely over reacting? I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice please.

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Chocoholic36 · 11/09/2014 15:06

Drs not drs

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titchy · 11/09/2014 15:24

Very normal! If you're sat there shaking then yes you are over-reacting.

You do need to talk to him about porn in general though, the exploitative nature of the industry, the inherent lack of respect, and how in reality sex is nothing like what he's seen and he shouldn't expect it to be.

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gymboywalton · 11/09/2014 15:27

the first thing i would do is go on your internet provider website and turn on the family safe filters. this will block porn sites being used on any internet in the house.

and yes i would talk to him-i would tell him that this is not appropriate for someone his age, that it's natural to be curious but watching porn is not a good way to satisfy the curiousity

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bigTillyMint · 11/09/2014 15:31

It is normal. I have never gone on my DS's ipad mini/phone, but I imagine there would be some of this if I did! Yes, do try and block what you can, but you can't necessarily block everything.

You do need to talk to him about porn not being representative of consensual sex between adults in a relationship, etc, etc.

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Hassled · 11/09/2014 15:33

My DS2 confessed to porn-viewing at about 13 - he woke me up at 2am to say he couldn't sleep because he'd seen stuff that was "wildly inappropriate". And like you, I was really, really upset about it.

When I'd calmed down I told him what I felt about porn - that the women aren't usually there by choice, that the industry treats them badly, that it makes women into objects and that it doesn't usually represent what a loving, sexual relationship is all about. I also told him that lots of people disagree and have no problem with it. And that's all you can do, really - give him information, have a discussion. His motivation will have been a natural curiosity more than anything else, do don't come down hard on him.

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Chocoholic36 · 11/09/2014 16:03

Thank you.

We have already has the chat. The other boys are at after school club so it was the perfect opportunity.

He was highly embarrassed as I expected him to be. I explained about the porn industry and drugs etc. i told him I have turned on the parental controls with the internet so he wouldn't be able to access these sites again.

I asked if he had any questions and he just said could we please not have a discussion on this again.

Apologies for my overly dramatic first post I was just in so much shock that my pfb is not a baby anymore!! They never put stuff like this in the parenting books!! Thank you everyone