How do I keep my thrill-seeking 13 year old DS safe?

[DeiseGirl66]

My 13 year old DS is sandwiched between two sisters and has always been keen to assert his 'maleness', particularly in relation to his physical skills. From birth, he has been extremely active - crawling at five months, walking before he was ten months, drop-kicking a ball before he could talk. He hates being cooped up in confined spaces or forced to sit quietly, which was a nightmare when he was a toddler and had to be tied into car seats and buggies. Even now, he has limited tolerance for situations like eating in restaurants or sitting through church services and is out the door as soon as he possibly can. We have often described him as the "family dog" because of his physical need for a 'run out' every day. On the plus side, he has been able to channel this physicality through sport. He excels at everything he tries, from rugby to high jumping and diving. But he is prone to random acts of risk-taking, often without warning and for no other reason than 'it seemed like a fun thing to do!' He is always the one to ignore warning signs and the process of 'Stop Look Listen' is alien to him. When he grew out of his bike last year, we refused to replace it for a bigger one because we'd had too many concerned parents telling us about his reckless cycling behaviour - without a helmet - around local roads, despite having received Cycling Proficiency training in school. Three examples of this risky behaviour. Last December, while walking with a family group of adults and cousins along Dn Laoghaire Harbour in Dublin, he suddenly decided that it would be fun to hang off the harbour with his feet dangling over the icy sea about ten foot below. I yelled at him to climb back up, which he did with a huge grin on his face. His younger cousins thought this was hilarious. This summer, while walking along another seaside promenade, he climbed without warning onto the roof of a beach hut and then leapt about three feet across to the next one, not thinking for one moment if the jump was too far for him or the roof could support his weight! On another recent occasion, walking in the countryside, instead of going through a seven foot high wooden gate like the rest of us, he climbed up to the top, balanced himself on the narrow plank and then jumped down. He is obsessed about walking along ledges and cliff edges and jumping from high places and although (touch wood) he has never injured himself so far, his risk-taking behaviour appears to be increasing. You can imagine that family excursions can often be a heart-stopping experiences for his nervous mother, and I find myself constantly telling him to get down or keep away from the dangerous edge. He tells his sisters that he does these things because he's bored and seeking excitement. So I wonder, are all thirteen year old boys like this or is this risk-taking, thrill-seeking behaviour - without any thought about personal safety - unusual? How do I ensure that he makes it safely through to adulthood without - as his grandad (my DD) colourfully predicted - "braining himself" in the process?

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Have him join a climbing club where he'll be taught safety precautions and risks while at the same time being able to indulge his love of heights?

My kids are all under 10, but my youngest loves to leap of his brother's bunk bed, and climbs everything in sight, my other boy hates heights, my 9 yo girl loves to climb but is very sensible and knows her limits... I'm sure your DS is within the range of normal 13 yo reckless by the sound of it, but might listen more to climbing instructors than to his worried mum!

[OwnerOfAnInsanePuppy]

I have no advice, but god, that sounds a nightmare!

Can I say 'it's a phase' to make you feel better?

Here, stockpile this

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Rock climbing would be a good outlet, but he would have to follow instruction without question. Climbing walls and clubs don't mind kids who push it, but they have to keep themselves and others safe.

[RJnomore]

Park our. Proper park our training. He would love it and they teach safety first.

Where are you, is there a local club?

[Bigoleheffer]

I'm watching with interest. My ds is the same. He now attends parkour classes to learn how to jump off things safely but even his instructor finds him a handful. He simply has no fear. I don't know what the answer is. Mine already plays pretty extreme sports.

[popperdoodles]

my middle d's age 11 is similar but very careful on roads though. he just has to climb things, swing from things or jump off things. he has always been like this, as a toddler he could barefoot climb the tree at the bottom of the garden. By luck or judgement he hasn't hurt himself.....yet. I think he knows his limits and can judge his own capabilities.

[DeiseGirl66]

In fairness, I did have a boyfriend in my early twenties who used to randomly somersault over parked motorbikes and throw himself into hedges, for a laugh. He also liked to drink-drive at midnight through winding coastal roads in a Renault Deux CV, which had a hole in the passenger footwell. He's in his early 50s now and would utterly deny any of this behaviour. Do most boys go through this random risk-taking and then grow out of it? At what point can I stop worrying about DS's determination to make it into the Darwin Awards?

[museumum]

I know adults a bit like this as I do quite a few outdoor sports - I would say that you will not stop him seeking adrenaline, but perhaps a good club with a sensible yet still adventurous leader would help. It's definitely worth trying to find a way to channel his energy.
Most of the 'extreme' sports are actually quite well-managed so something like climbing, mountain biking or parkour. If he had something exciting to focus on then he might not need to seek thrills in other ways. For example, a mountain biking club will let him cycle down crazy steep paths at great speed, but they will 100% insist he always wears a helmet, and some other armour too. Also, they'll emphasise practice of basic skills which will give him something to do other than bomb around the streets dangerously.

[museumum]

I think it's a basic personality trait i'm afraid, so although current behaviour will be a phase, the underlying adventurousness is likely to be a permanent thing... sorry.
On the other hand, you might have the next danny mcaskill or gee atherton on your hands :)

[Blu]

Well, in a 13 year old the reports of reckless cycling on roads and the harbour incident would have worried me the most . With the highest impact, on a risk weighting .

I have a 13 yo boy, and they are an explosive mix of ability (both physical and mental) and a complete lack of common sense, or though for consequences. I think we need to recognise that they have huge energy, physical confidence and a new muscular strength that comes with puberty.

I agree with the suggestions for extreme sports within a club or tuition setting. Those already suggested and maybe acrobatics and circus skills? And stuff that wear him out: Duke of Edinburgh,would he join Scouts or Explorers? My 13 yo does exhausting expeditions with scouts. With one like yours I would even swallow my misgivings and look at Cadet training : there would be extreme challenge but also discoine and the development of leadership skills.

In moments of worry, imagine a packed football stadium of mostly men, all of whom made it through this stage.

And if it helps, I love the sound of your boy!

[myotherusernameisbetter]

I have one of those too :(

Just back from a trip to the coast and spent most of it stopping just turned 13 year old No2 son from jumping off cliffs ("this bit isn't high Mum and there are some rocks to land on so I wont fall in the sea") or climbing up rock faces. His knees are going to be well and truly fucked by the time he is fully grown. And then when you forbid him, he takes a toddler tantrum (he is 5'10"!)and has a face like a wet weekend.

He has no interest in sport however so saves all his energy to wind us up and to jump from high places - he has already smashed his front teeth :(