DD1 is 11. We have a special day today.
She's covered in ink/pen. Her hair is so greasy it looks wet.
We've been at logger heads since 8 this morning for her to have a shower. She point blank refuses.
Short of dragging her in the shower, how can I make her wash? She just doesn't seem to care about her personal hygiene or her appearance.
Her excuse this morning is I've already combed my hair and I'm not doing it again.
I'm ashamed to say we've been screaming at each other. I just don't know what else to do 
Her not coming out today isn't an option.
Shall I just take her smelly and dirty? She doesn't care so that's not a punishment.
We are going for a nice lunch then the theatre with a friend that's paid for it and travelled 200 miles to see us.
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How can I make my daughter wash?
Sissyinthesummertime · 14/08/2014 09:43
gatekeeper 
I'm not alone.
For some reason I feel so sad about it today.
I just want her to look nice. Is that so wrong? I suppose it is as it's about how I feel and not her.
Bribe slash punish. At 11 she should be able to understand (delivered calmly) 'it's not important to you that you are clean, but it's important to me and Dfriend, and also all the people who must sit next to you. If you go and shower properly now without a fuss, I will buy you M&Ms for the theatre. If you do not, you will not have X treat next week'.
Or am I dreaming 
Thanks everyone. I left her for half an hour and would you believe she voluntarily went in the shower and has come downstairs in great form.
We will be away all day and DH at work until tomorrow, so couldn't leave her at home. She's not responsible to be left for 7/8 hours.
Also DFriend is her god mother and really excited about seeing her.
All retrospective now I suppose as she has got in the shower of her own volition. I did explain to her when things calmed down that she is growing up and needs to wash properly every other day (at least) or else she will smell etc.
To be honest, I think she just lazy and can't be bothered with the hassle of showering. Her hair is very long (won't get it cut - a whole other thread!) and takes so long to dry.
Thanks again - I would have been prepared to remove everything from her room etc, but glad it wasn't needed.
We'll see what tomorrow brings
Agree with the above. Threatening to take away the beloved iphone or turn off the wifi is enough of a thread to get them in the shower! deducting pocket money and removing items from their rooms also works a treat
We will. I think some of things I said must have gone in at some point to make her go in the shower of her own accord!
It is very stressful though and I don't think we are over by a long shot. Once a week is enough she thinks, so I'm sure the battle will commence again tomorrow.
She is very strong willed. I've no idea where she gets it from
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I hear you Sissy this is an ongoing battle between dd (also 11 yrs) and me who just doesn't ever want to get wet.
(I shout as well 
but I do this because it is just so frustrating as we have been having the same argument for years, and just when I think we have it cracked, it crops up again. And it is so wearing because it (completely unnecessarily imo) involves so much time and stress and we sometimes don't get to the "fun stuff" because we are so busy trying to get over this hurdle, which we should have overcome by the age of 5 yrs I would have thought!)
Our "contract" is that dd has to have (non-negotiable) two baths a week with hair wash on Wednesdays and Sundays. And then a two or three minute shower every day in between (either in the morning or evening depending on what's happening.) She recently had a friend staying here for four nights who showered in the evening and dd happily complied then! But when she is on her own she puts up a real battle every single time! In fact it takes longer for her to argue about it then it would take to actually just have the bath or shower!
Each time afterwards she is repentant and says sorry and that she understands she has been silly and each time she says she will 'do better '. But then next time comes and the battle starts all over again ... .
I had a situation just like yours yesterday morning and I'm afraid I shouted and ran her a bath and stood over her while she got in and resisted getting her hair wet and I stood there until she did it. I still had to physically wash and rinse her hair myself though. She shouted and protested but I just ignored it and tried to carry on as calmly as possible (which wasn't very calm tbh). I have told her that if it happens again we will take away her very favourite bag (a Cath Kidston one she loves that someone gave her for her birthday) and she will have to 'earn' it back by having baths and showers on a regular basis without the screaming match.
We'll see ...
I don't know what to suggest about your dilemma as I see leaving her at home is not an option for you. But given the choice, I wouldn't let a child go to a special event like that without washing first. (YOu've obviously already explained to her that she should make the effort out of respect for your friend.) I think in your situation as it stands today, I would absolutely insist.
And for the future, take away all sorts of privileges (screen time, treats, trips out etc) whatever works for her, until this is sorted. That is what I am intending to do anyway. I've had enough of it.
Sorry for essay but this one struck a chord! Good luck!
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