Teens wanting to stay in room all day

[kenug21]

When I was a teenager I met up with my friends and I never seemed to be at home. I know times have changed and our teenagers are keeping in touch with their friends in a different way but my 2 children just don't seem to want to go anywhere - just sit in their stuffy bedrooms and watch ipads etc.
When I ask them to help out around the house they're always sooo tired! It just seems so dull - maybe I'm just missing them spending time with me - they're 12 and 14 yrs. I do occasionally have a gadget ban just to force them out of their boxes and they are way more pleasant. Am I being mean?

[LastingLight]

I also find that my 12 year old is a more pleasant person if she is not allowed to spend hours and hours on screens. Of course you're not mean if you limit gadget time.

[fattycow]

I used to spent hours on end in my room as a teen. But I didn't have any screens in there (I was lucky that we had a computer in the living room and a Nokia 3310 cell phone). I used to read loads while up there. My mum used to complain about it, but I became more social after a couple of years.

[WeeClype]

my dc's are the same! My 15 year old has been on holiday since 28th June and has only left the house if she's coming with me (school clothes shopping). My 11 year old is never off his ps4 but at least he's talking to others while he's playing and does go out if a friend comes to the door.

When I was they're ages I was never in and I feel they are wasting the holidays.

[AMumInScotland]

Don't ask them to help out. Tell them they are responsible for doing X today and Y tomorrow. Don't make it sound optional, and don't accept 'tired' as an excuse!

[nooka]

My ds (15) hasn't left the house to do more than walk the dog for the last month (early break up here). But he seems happy enough and he does the chores he is asked to do more often than not. We have a white board for chores and he is supposed to have them done by the time we get home.

dd (13) on the other hand has been busy busy, visiting friends, taking a theatre course, and now she's about to paint her bedroom. But she is an active sociable girl, and it's important to her to be doing things with her friends. He does all his chatting on the PC whilst playing various strategy games, and just doesn't need to socialise in the same way. Next year we will put more pressure on him to get a summer job I think.

[nooka]

We go for non optional chores too.

[Fooso]

My DS is 14 and exactly the same... he actually decides to go out about 7.30 in the evening! to meet his friends over the park... or wants to bring them home then... why can't they do this in the day... He was supposed to go into town to change jeans, but didn't move from his bed all day "cos it rained".... heaven forbid he'd go out in the rain!!

[everynameisbloodytaken]

My teens were the same, in fact I used to turn the Wi-Fi off at 11pm at night so I knew they wouldn't be moody in the mornings during the holidays. Now they are 16 and 18 I hardly see them, so do count your blessings at the moment that you know where they are. We also have non optional chores. Albit that are done half hearted

[everynameisbloodytaken]

I forgot to add your not being mean... but I would suggest doing something for yourself... and I don't mean housework!

[SarcyMare]

i was a teenager in the 80's i spent all day every day in the holidays in my bedroom listening to music with my best mate (always in my house as i didn't have a little sister), these days i would be on there sharing links with her instead

[SpringItOn]

My 12 year old is never in.

My 14 year old is never out.

Why can't there be a happy medium?

[Lilymaid]

My DCs were the same - they can communicate with their friends without having to see them.
They then got to the age of 18, went to university and I could get into their rooms at last!
Despite all, they are now very nice people and quite helpful now they know that cleaning and cooking is work we all have to do.

[CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla]

When I was younger I didn't have friends. I was perfectly happy sat on the computer for 15 hours a day (mum took it off me a few times because I wouldn't get off it) I had more friends in America than I did from my school. I hate going out and I wished my mum & dad would have respected that. I hated my mum coming into my room and still do (as I still live at home) she and my younger sister ask why I don't go out drinking on 3 day benders and such, and I don't see why I should. I'm not young but I'm not that old either. My sister is a teen and is always out, drinking etc, mum doesn't know but I keep my mouth shut as a sisterly duty. I don't want to end up like my sister, she's passed out a few times. I don't see the joy in going out when I have never had friends to go out with.
computer friend!

[triplets]

Well as my user names suggests I have three 16yr olds. It drives me mad that they all stay in their rooms all day, networking mainly although dd does do a lot of art. Yes I feel they are missing out on so much, I was never in the house at that age, but times have changed. My boys do go out 2 nights a week to the local cadets but apart from that they are home. At least we know where they are and what they are up to!!

[febel]

just read through all these answers...the ones about the teenagers staying in all time just make me feel so sad. My YD also spends way too much time (in my opinion) in her room on her i pad...I hate it. As my mum says, why go out when there is entertainment in your bedroom. Not like in my teenage years, I had music and that was all, no tv, let alone computer or internet. I also think that too much screen time makes YD bad tempered and impatient but at 17 I find it difficult to police/restrict and it's just the way she is...

[fluffyellowbird]

I have just posted on two threads regarding adverse effects of computer. i know from personal experience with my son.

All this staying in the room stuff and hours of screen time is detrimental to children's brain development and social skills.

I really dispair about the upcoming generations chances of success in life being erroded by these gizmo's.

Wake up and smell the coffee parents !

Your kids only have so many hours to grow and socilaise the same way they only have have so many meal times to eat proper nutricious food. If they stuff themseves with empty calories then there is no opportunity for good food to be ingested.

Its the same deal as junk food...put junk in the brain, get junk out.
Lack of social skills, weight gain, face book anxiety, what is actually to like here ?

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

I had no TV in my room as a teen and only got a pc in there when I got to about 16. I was another teen bedroom dweller. id read, draw, nap, rearrange the room, have friends over..I bloody loved.my bedroom and never felt like I could totally relax in the living room even though my parents werent bad ones.

YABU to think this is a new phenomenon.

YABU for letting them get away with not doing their chores.

[Sparklingbrook]

My DS has nice social skills and is 6 foot tall like a beanpole, and no FB anxiety that i know of.

[isitsnowingyet]

fluffyellowbird are you not being just a tad hypocritical there? Because you are using screentime while you type on different threads.

I think the kids do all right. I figure that mine are growing throughout the summer whilst festering in their bedrooms looking at various screens. They will emerge on September 3rd as taller and invigorated human beings.

They then have to get up early every day and work hard at school (that's another thread entirely!!)

[fluffyellowbird]

isitsnowingyet

We are all hypocrites to some extent. Or are you a saint?

The difference is I do not do it all day and use it to socialise. I know from bitter personal experience that a significant number of kids are adversley affected by continual screen time. Maybe not yours. Its very convenient occupation for parents who can't be bothered to think about the implications. Ignorance is bliss they say. Technology is an excellent baby sitter but it can come at a cost.

My daughter commented that when she was waiting, everybody on the train platform in the countryside on a beautiful sunny day was on their smart phone except her. All in their own little bubble. So close and yet so far.

[murphys]

Yes my teen spends a lot of time in his room alone. He listens to music, reads, sleeps, chats to his friends.

He plays rugby in the A team, practices 4 times a week, plays matches on Saturdays. Does martial arts twice a week as well.

Fluffyellowbird, my teen has none of what you describe. You are being a bit judgemental. He is sociable, not overweight by any means and doesn't use Facebook so I doubt has FB anxiety what is that anyway..

[BastardDog]

My 13 & 14 yos are the same. I let them fester in their rooms for the first two weeks of the hols and then I got tough. I ask them to put their gadgets down at 11 each morning and do something, anything. Help with chores, go out, what ever, but something other than festering and staring at screens. If they grumble I just switch the wifi off.

Some days it's galvanised them into action and other days they've just hung around the house moaning. They both refuse to join any clubs or take part in any activities. They're good kids, but they are in pretty much 24/7, so very different to teens in my day.

[RiverTam]

well, no ipads or whatnot in my day, and we didn't have a TV in our bedrooms, but I used to spend hours in my room, reading books and magazines and listening to music. I find it sad that posters on this thread think it's sad that not everyone wants to be out and about (not that I had many friends to be out and about with anyway).

I would limit screen use if they're not self-regulating (make it like old-fashioned ladies doing their letters for an hour or so in the morning or something ), and would also put certain non-negotiable chores in place, but beyond that just leave them alone.

[Spidermama]

I wish I could still limit gadget time. I seem to have virtually no authority with my teenagers now. It's a nightmare.

Sorry. Not very helpful.

[JCDenton]

well, no ipads or whatnot in my day, and we didn't have a TV in our bedrooms, but I used to spend hours in my room, reading books and magazines and listening to music. I find it sad that posters on this thread think it's sad that not everyone wants to be out and about

Same here, I'm an introvert, and while I've always had plenty of friends and an active social life to be on my own is my default, relaxed state. Some people, like my DP, can't stand to be alone for long. Neither is wrong and it always bothers me that doing nothing in a group is good and doing nothing alone is bad.

You're wasting your holiday doing that thing you like, do something you don't like instead!

My daughter commented that when she was waiting, everybody on the train platform in the countryside on a beautiful sunny day was on their smart phone except her. All in their own little bubble. So close and yet so far.

imgs.xkcd.com/comics/sheeple.png

If you see me on my phone I'm probably learning Italian so I can better enjoy my holiday this year. If people are going to sit and judge me for Doing It Wrong, that's up to them.