arrgghh about to get caught out checking DD's text msgs!!

(23 Posts)
SittingInTheKitchenSink Sun 27-Jul-14 13:46:03

Dd has recently taken off her mobile phone password so naturally I went and had a peek... She is plotting (semi seriously I hope) with friend to go to T in the park next year (she is 14 now!!) by lying about visiting her friend for three days.
So anyway said nothing, but decided to keep an eye on the messages for any more evidence of more likely plots.
But I forgot the prime rule... don't read messages she hasn't yet read!!
d* Nokia phone didn't allow me to mark as unread...
Unfortunately its a msg the sender will want a respnse to ...

Turned phone off and hope to blag my way through it by saying sometimes phones reset themselves while charging and miss message alerts...
Am an idiot though... blush don't feel great about the spying anyway but getting found out is worse...

PuggyMum Sun 27-Jul-14 14:06:46

You can mark as unread. Not sure how on a newer Nokia phone!

SurfBoredCat Sun 27-Jul-14 14:09:57

Delete it? Evil I know!

Iggly Sun 27-Jul-14 14:17:02

Don't spy ffs.

Iggly Sun 27-Jul-14 14:17:19

Don't spy ffs.

500smiles Sun 27-Jul-14 14:20:23

Yes I'd delete it and let them think it got lost somewhere.

KillmeNow Sun 27-Jul-14 14:21:00

I would delete it and anything else incoming within a certain paeriod.

Mobiles are soooo unpredictable wink

KillmeNow Sun 27-Jul-14 14:22:30

Oh - how greek of me


Muskey Sun 27-Jul-14 14:29:25

I actually tell dd that I read her messages hopefully it keeps her from plotting too much. However before I get burnt over the right to privacy she is only ten

bigTillyMint Sun 27-Jul-14 16:08:07

IMHO, it's not worth spying - you will either get caught or find out stuff you didn't want to know. Teens deserve their privacy too!

Ilovenewts Sun 27-Jul-14 16:17:00

You really shouldn't do that. She deserves some privacy. Besides it's a year away she probably will change her mind or want to do something else !!

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 27-Jul-14 16:27:04

Dd is 12, almost 13.

She is allowed a mobile phone only on condition that I have all her passwords & the right to check her texts, instagram & Facebook at any time. I generally have a quick look once a week. She has to hand her phone in to me at night.

She was sent abusive threatening texts within a week of starting senior school last year by boys from her old junior school so understands my reasoning.

Under 16s need someone over 21 to accompany them to T in the Park - who has to have filled in guardianship forms. The rules are here.

Ds3, who,is 17, went this year, and that is the youngest I woild behave considered letting him go - it is a huge number of people, on a relatively small site, with all the issues that that brings - there is a lot if drinking, and drugs too - ds3 saw people who had obviously overdosed, being carted off by ambulance. Population-wise, it is Scotland's 5th largest town during the Festival, and my sense is at there are fewer problems and less crime per head than there would be in an actual town, but the confined site makes it more of a worry - or would if I were sending a 15 year old.

Plus it is pricy - £200 for the 4-day camping ticket, £30-ish for the Refresh ticket, travel - ds3 and 40-odd of his school friends hired a bus - I think that was £35-£40, and all the other things you need - we spent about £75 outfitting him and he spent more in top - and he didn't need to buy a tent or sleeping bag - we had the latter already, and he and a friend shared his friend's tent. A horrifying amount got left behind - the tent and the sleeping bags, clothes (though he did take old/worn-out/outgrown stuff), camping chairs, and lots of small stuff like drinking bottles, toiletries etc.

Maybe if you do get to talk to her about it, you could go through the costs and ask her how she will afford it (assuming she has found a 21-year-old guardian) - that might put her off.

Hulababy Sun 27-Jul-14 16:35:31

Like picturesinthefirelight I reserve the right to check 12y dd's phone and iPad at anytime. This includes texts, emails and Instagram. It's a sensible safety precaution IMO for young teens.

But dd knows that's the rule and it's a condition of her having the phone, which we pay for anyway.

Groovee Sun 27-Jul-14 16:38:51

She won't get in to t in the park unless accompanied by someone over 21 with a guardian form. My dh is planning on taking our dd next year who will be 15.

SittingInTheKitchenSink Sun 27-Jul-14 18:56:18

Groovee SDTG... thanks for info on T in the Park. I wasn't taking her terribly seriously on it - although she already passes for 16 and her friend for 18 I'd hope the organisers would check ... Friend def would not pass for 21 which is a relief
She did say to me that her friend's uncle might take them... the answer is still a big fat no as I don't know him and it is way too debauched a festival for someone so young (she's been to WOMAD lots with us and thinks she now knows everything there is to know about festivals grin ... bless!)

I was more worried about the plotting to lie to us...

I'm not sure how much I'm bothered about the privacy invasion if it keeps her safe...

Groovee Sun 27-Jul-14 21:35:47

Just make sure you know the dates and organise something over that weekend.

But if she has planned it once, it would worry me that she could plot again to do something else.

bigTillyMint Sun 27-Jul-14 21:40:30

She hasn't "planned" it - teens often say they are going to do stuff and chat with friends about it. It doesn't mean they are actually going to carry it out.

Ds3 is 'planning' a lads' holiday with his friends, to Agia Napa next year - the thought fills me with dread! I am hoping that he won't be able to save up enough to afford it as well as Creamfields festival - his other plan for next year.

WIBVVU not to renew his passport, so he has to a)realise it is out of date and b) pay for it himself? Or would that be too evil even for an evil genius like myself?

Heyho111 Mon 28-Jul-14 00:44:50

Kids plot for fun. They may even feel it's going to happen at the time but vertualy never does.
What's there to check up on.
Id stop now.

I came up with all kinds of schemes when I was that age but I never really did them! smile

harshbuttrue99 Sun 24-Aug-14 17:15:50

This is just horrible. How would you feel if she did this to you? So many posts on here about lying and cheating And lack of honesty. YOU ARE JUST AS BAD. Tell her the truth, apologise, and remember she can bring this up next time she's in trouble.

harshbuttrue99 Sun 24-Aug-14 17:16:29

This is just horrible. How would you feel if she did this to you? So many posts on here about lying and cheating And lack of honesty. YOU ARE JUST AS BAD. Tell her the truth, apologise, and remember she can bring this up next time she's in trouble.

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