under arm shaving for being bridesmaid

(237 Posts)
Jojaney Sun 13-Jul-14 22:41:58

My 14 year old daughter is being a bridesmaid this summer. She has mousy brown hair under her armpits. I suggested she shaves them this summer but she dismissed my idea and seemed quite offendec by my suggestion.

Should I let this go- is arm pit hair a personal preferance? I am concerned she will look ridiculous.

Trills Sun 13-Jul-14 22:50:15

Pit hair is a personal preference.

Are you afraid that you will be embarrassed because she "looks ridiculous"? Or that she will be embarrassed on the day, and wish that she had shaved? I hope it's the latter, and that it's her feelings that you are considering.

SoonToBeSix Sun 13-Jul-14 23:07:17

Are you serious? Your poor dd, it's is really non of your business.

scarlettsmummy2 Sun 13-Jul-14 23:11:15

I am going to be very un PC and would say I would probably just make her.

frames Sun 13-Jul-14 23:14:16

She is embarrassed. I would have been if my mum had said this. Is there someone else who could hint...when I wear my dress I will be shaving my pits.

TrinityForce Sun 13-Jul-14 23:17:21

What? Yes, that's the right idea, have someone else "hint" that a 14 yo should shave their armpits... That won't embarrass her at all.

Leave her be, she isn't going to be waving her pit hair at the cameras for photos, it'll be fine.

frames Sun 13-Jul-14 23:34:34

Someone more her age who is not as embarrassing as her mum. I was in awe of my cousin a few years older than me at that age. On the day it is only going to take one nasty comment by some silly twonk who has had a few and the poor girl will be in bits. Probably some stupid 17 year old lad. Or do what happened to Saffy in Ab Fab...pinned down and tasch ripped off.

mumtoateen Mon 14-Jul-14 06:39:22

Also going to be un PC and tell you to make her tbh. If someone makes a comment it will destroy her, and pit hair won't look nice at a wedding, it doesn't look nice no matter what anyone says.

EdithWeston Mon 14-Jul-14 06:48:25

Being a bridesmaid is an inherently decorative role, and it's necessary to dress and present yourself in ways one would not ordinarily choose.

Your DD is totally right not to shave when she does not want to.

If the bride asks, however, she should capitulate.

wigglylines Mon 14-Jul-14 06:57:18

Is this the 1950s?! FFS!

Her body, her choice. You've suggested, she's declined. If someone teases her it's not the end of the world.

Can't believe so many suggesting ways to manipulate or force her to conform, agsinst her wishes. Shame on you.

TittyNotSusan Mon 14-Jul-14 06:58:01

I also think she was embarrassed by your suggestion. I think you've made your point. If you leave an open, clean razor in the bathroom she can make her own decision without losing face. And if she decides not to then that's up to her.

Good on her though for not conforming to the hairless norm these days!

Sirzy Mon 14-Jul-14 07:01:34

Why not buy her a razor, leave it in the bathroom cabinet and tell her it's there whenever she wants to use one.

At 14 she is more than old enough to decide for herself when she is ready to shave.

Isitmylibrarybook Mon 14-Jul-14 07:04:54

It may not destroy her or have her in bits though if someone is rude enough to comment on it? she may think that it's fine to keep it and have a considered objection to removing it - im out of touch so dont know if some people still consider it sexist to 'require' women but not men to remove it? A legitimate view even if people don't personally agree with it? perhaps that is her view and she's happy with it? I would have thought the issue would already have arisen at school - if most dteens remove it (do they?) she'll have noticed in swimming etc and have decided she's happy with it. Depends how confident she is, what are her reasons for not doing so etc.

I don't think you could 'make' her though - if she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. issues of autonomy, control over your own body etc .

HavantGuard Mon 14-Jul-14 07:08:49

I find it hard to believe that a 14 year old hasn't already started on the treadmill of hair removal.

Greyhound Mon 14-Jul-14 07:12:11

I remember my mum being mortified when I attended a dress fitting with unshaven armpits. She bought me some razors and demanded I shave. I did shave and I was extremely embarrassed sad

It is up to your dd but I wouldn't make too much of it.

FishWithABicycle Mon 14-Jul-14 07:20:57

it's her body ffs.

please don't teach her that a natural part of it is offensive and disgusting.

if SHE decides to shave, that's up to her.

Lagoonablue Mon 14-Jul-14 07:26:28

How exactly do you make a 14 yr old shave their armpits?

CharlieSierra Mon 14-Jul-14 08:04:49

Totally agree with EdithWeston, having accepted the invitation to be a bridesmaid this is not the time to dig her heels in over this type of personal preference.

Branleuse Mon 14-Jul-14 08:12:08

tell her that you dont care one way or the other whether she shaves them in general or what she does for her own wedding but that the bride will probably want her to shave them for the day that shes bridesmaid

Chocotrekkie Mon 14-Jul-14 08:14:17

I would probably say to her something along the lines of - look if you don't want to shave your pits that's fine but people will comment negatively - you will be known for ages as hairy pit girl/gorilla pits etc

If she is ok with this then that's her choice.

Bunbaker Mon 14-Jul-14 08:15:59

"I find it hard to believe that a 14 year old hasn't already started on the treadmill of hair removal."

Same here. DD has been shaving her legs and armpits since she was about 12. She will have noticed that other girls in the PE changing room will have had smooth, hairless legs and wouldn't want to be teased about it. She was the last in her year to get a bra, and I only got her one because she didn't want to be "different", and the other girls were asking why she didn't have one.

Peer pressure is not a good thing.

Isitmylibrarybook Mon 14-Jul-14 08:17:33

The bride may not mind though - no reason to assume she will?

Or, dd may say that if that's the condition she would prefer not to do it? That would be quite a strong reaction, but legitimate to have that view i think - this issue used to evoke strongly held views, and may still do, i don't know!

ElephantsNeverForgive Mon 14-Jul-14 08:18:23

Weddings are not occasions for being PC, razor, shave, end of conversation.

I hate having to shave my legs and confess to swimming with them in an unkempt state, but sometimes teens have to accept their is a time for being conventional and weddings are one of those times.

IME (I have two teen DDs), if you explain once firmly what's expected and leave a razor about, you'll find she shaves in her own time.

DD2 is incredibly stubborn, but a real chance of blush is the one thing liable to get through to her.

Seriously? If the bride demands it then she should shave her armpits? What sort of person thinks they have that right over someone else's body? Leave her alone fgs.

Sirzy Mon 14-Jul-14 08:26:06

I am intrigued as to why a bit of arm pit hair could be an issue to being a bridesmaid?

Have I missed something and bridesmaids spend hours waving their arms in the air? (Even then can't see why it should be an issue though)

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