friendship dramas girls heeellpppppp

[lucydaniels4658]

I am at my wits end with constant dramas in my dd (13) life.Please someone tell me it stops soon !!My DD tells me everything which in one respect is good but everyday its something being left out , arguing girls being cold for no reason ,someone commenting something bitchy on facebook instagram ect then every few months a major blow out of falling out with closest friend forever ect!! It makes me anxious and upset seeing her so miserable!

[FunkyFlanFlinger]

Lol, I am assuming your DD is Year 8 or Year 9? Don't worry, by the end of Year 9 it should all settle down.

Try and get her interested in something outside her group of schoolfriends. My DD1 started Air Cadets for this very reason, and she has made friends with girls and boys all over the country and ended up closer to them than she was her school friends.

Other than that, hockey clubs are very good for girls as they don't put up with any drama, ditto netball clubs. Cheerleading is good as well as it is 100% team effort and they are all very supportive of each other.

Don't worry, it does get better.

FFF x

[lucydaniels4658]

oh thank god only another year to go arghhhh! i think im to emotionally attached i get so anxious ! She does many clubs but these dramas just become everything she gets so upset and with snapchat facebook instagram things dont even end at home!I am so fed up with it all even when shes out shes texting and calling to fill me in on the latest dramas i feel like a full time councellor but thats being a mum !

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

DD2's year 8 class are trying even her patience. (DD2 is the only member of this family who bothers about this sort of stuff. When even she decides not to bother seeing people in half term, they are being very tiresome indeed).

So I'm hoping funky is right.

My quirky, socially inept, sometimes bullied and sometimes just left out DD1 did find things improved markedly at the end of Y9.

She grew up a lot, the easy to make fuss Y7, who'd spent Y8 practicing ignoring stupid comments totally, finally turned into a tall assured young lady. She's still thinks teenage antics are a waste of time, but with GCSEs to focus on so, gradually did many of her peers.

(DD1 is also bright and hardworking, her peers may not understand her, but they do realise she's a useful member of your drama group and an excellent science TA).

[lucydaniels4658]

tiring isnt it ! I find the pack mentality the worst when one minor incident others get involved and before you know it theyve all turned on them erghhhh

[FunkyFlanFlinger]

You will find as well that when they take their options it will be all different people in their class again, they all get mixed around. That improves it all as well.

Are they all at the same level academically, we have found that DS2 has settled down once she was setted for some subjects and they are no longer in the same sets.

I have always told my kids to never have just one best friend, that it is more healthy to have a big mixed group of friends of both sexes. It seems to take the edge off the bitchy behaviour, perhaps you could suggest that she tries to expand the group to include some boys.


FFF x

[EBearhug]

I am assuming your DD is Year 8 or Year 9? Don't worry, by the end of Year 9 it should all settle down.

No it doesn't! Look at all the threads in ML from women struggling with friendships!

(That's not helpful, is it?)

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Sadly, I do know grown women who are worse than DD2's class.

Fortunately I'm not forced to sit next to them in Maths any more.

[Bunbaker]

I feel your pain. The insecurities and jealousies that teenage friendships cause are so stressful for us parents to deal with. And I mean stressful because we have to not interfere and let them get on with it. Teenage girls are so bitchy, and I so agree with the comment about pack mentality.

I think social media influences a lot of it because they all bitch chat about it on Facebook. Back in the day we didn't contact our schoolmates so much outside of school. I don't remember falling out of favour the way DD does just because she decided to have lunch with someone else one day, or because she has a different taste in TV programmes/music etc.

I also think that at that age they are all at different stages of development. DD (13 and in year 9) isn't cool because she doesn't wear tons of make up, isn't interested in boys and likes reading and doing nerdy stuff. She does have friends, but isn't hugely popular.

What is admirable is that she wants to remain an individual and won't join the sheep just to fit in.

Once they are at a similar stage of development I would like to think that the level of nastiness that goes on will slow down.

[ilove]

Y9????

i have a Y7 drama llama...

[Scousadelic]

Sorry to tell you all this. I think it gets more manageable as they gain social skills but, unfortunately, it always goes on. We had various dramas with DD and friends at school and then at uni (generally not her but in the group). I'm sure we all know grown women like this so it happens at all ages. DD is now 23 and her friends from uni are split into 2 groups at the moment by one who is behaving like something out of mean girls and growing into a real "wendy". It'll settle down this time same as it always has before.

Learning to detach is a survival skill for mothers of girls!

[lucydaniels4658]

I really need to learn to detach but not sure how!! I wish my Dd would just become more assertive and tell them where to go she continually apologises and lets her friends walk all over her it is painful to watch.I have tried to discourage the whole best friend thing but i guess she needs to learn for herself its always lovely for a few months then they become bossy possesive and generally talk and treat her like dirt! Its this need to be friends with the popular girls thats frustrating as they arent always the nicest ! social media magnifies it and causes the most aggro . When Dd is left out then all the pics go up and the indirect bitchy statuses! its a minefield .