Advice greatly appreciated

[ladymoonlight72]

Hi. My son is 16, usually quiet and does well in college. Last November he met a girl his age and they started dating. Bear in mind this was his first ever girlfriend. After only a couple of weeks she told him her parents were physically abusive (not sexually) and that her life was hell. She was contacting him day and night and he was very stressed. Eventually she said her step dad had thrown her out and hit her. He brought her home and we contacted social services but she wouldn't press charges. However her grandparents agreed to take her in and for a while she seemed happy. Then in January she said they had thrown her out over money and her mum and step-dad didn't want her. We tried social services but their attitude seemed to be that as we were helping her she didn't need them. My son begged us to let her stay as he was terrified something would happen to her. Reluctantly we agreed. We have made her welcome but over the past six months she has dropped out of college and made very little effort to find another course or job. During this time we had given our son condoms but also only let her stay as long as she agreed to use contraception, which we were under the impression she did as my son went with her to our GP to get the injection.
We have now just found out that she lied to us all and had not gone for further injections, and now is pregnant. However, although our son has taken full responsibility and says he will stand by her (and we have offered to support them too) she has left and gone to stay with relatives, says she is keeping the baby but does not want our son to have anything to do with it and has broken up with him. He fully accepts that he should have continued to use condoms for his own peace of mind but is absolutely devastated that she is trying to shut him out. To make things worse she is now in touch with her mum who is apparently well known to social services. We are terrified she will choose to have the baby with them and it will be at risk. I am at my wits end. Can anyone offer some advice?

[Monty27]

Lady I'm sorry I don't really have advice but had to post. Someone will come along with more experience I am sure, and bumping for you too.

Needless to say, what a mess, you must be at your wit's end. Try and stay calm, things work themselves out all by themselves sometimes. Your poor ds! Just tell him whether she likes or not he will see his child. This girl needs something, I don't know what it is, but she does not sound very secure, albeit you've tried to give her that. :(

[adeucalione]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I have no experience or practical advice but just wanted to say that you sound lovely, and that my gut feeling is to back off and give her some space.

She does sound very sad and confused, and clearly set out to get pregnant (if she is actually pregnant and not attention seeking). Her head will be all over the place. It doesn't matter how much you have tried to help her, she will want her own family at least initially.

Once she has come to terms with things she may contact you, or at least be receptive to you contacting her. Just let her know your position - supportive and wanting to be involved.

I hope it works out for you all.

[ladymoonlight72]

To give an update my son has been allowed to see her today and she oddly now says that she still wants to be in a dating relationship with him but does not want to come back to living with us. It's difficult to understand where her head is at but I understand how stressful and confusing it is for her. I just hope her mother's involvement is limited as my son has told me some very worrying things about their homelife. Thanks for the messages and support.