my teenager spends weekends at home, refuses to come out with us for family time

[mumma24]

So at weekends he doesn't go out and meet friends and prefers to be at home on Xbox (chatting to friends) or watching films, he's just not interested in family days out anymore, picnic, beach, cycling, walking in woods, pub lunches, etc, we restrict his time on Xbox and so not allowed to be on it all the time, during weekdays he happily goes to school, has a group of friends and regularly goes to the gym so no problem there.
I keep telling him how much he is missing out on, but to him it's all boring,
Is he just a typical teenager, really want him to join in more, what should I do? He's 14 , I have 18, 11 and 9 year old

[mumma24]

Tried to get him to come rock pooling with his brother and sister this afternoon, glorious day, he hasn't left the house since Friday after school

[Charlotteamanda1]

Sounds very typical grumpy teenager to me. The thought of a family day out is appalling to my boy. They do come round - not for years mind - but they do decide it's ok to be around parents.
Many people say you should make them go. Rubbish - they hate you for making them , have a grumpy time and spoil it for the rest of you. Keep asking him and be fine when he refuses. This will make him feel included and give him the opportunity to one day change his mind.
The good thing is that he is chatting away to friends on Xbox. This is good as it's real conversation not text or statuses. Have fun with the forth coming grumps ;)

[sooperdooper]

Leave him be, he'll get over it eventually - typical teenage behaviour

[Mrsjayy]

Just leave him to stew at home ime they do come round eventually

[adeucalione]

I don't think you can assume that your idea of a good day out is the same as his.

Have you tried saying that you really want to spend the day with him, and asking him what he'd like to do?

Maybe he'd be more receptive to the cinema, bowling or a theme park?

Or would he be more receptive if you said he could bring a friend?

Or negotiate - we'll do the theme park next weekend if you come to the beach with us this weekend, you can have a nag-free day of x box on Saturday if you come cycling on Sunday.

Or book an overnight stay somewhere, so that he has no choice but to join you, and show him what he's missing. It may be that he surprises himself by enjoying a walk/picnic when his friends and x box are a long way away and are not acting as a distraction.

Dont nag. Present it as him doing you a favour, because you love his company soooo much and really miss him.

[madeofkent]

It worried me when my DS did this at first. Then I realised he just needed some time all by himself to recharge his batteries - and he really does like being on his own sometimes. Also, it's occasionally a phase of wanting to look so cool that you cannot possibly have parents. You are fully independent, and who are those people over there yelling for you? DS used to march ahead of us or lag behind. It worried me until I got a flashback to when I was twelve, wanting to be away from my noisy family and staying in my room, and walking ahead of them and pretending they didn't exist - until I was hungry of course. Maybe you can make a pact, he has to come out every other week, or once a month.

[Mrsjayy]

Yy what a 7yr old loves is meh at 14

[MRJJ007123445667687876]

My DS15 also does that since he has been 14. I think it is healthy and quite happily leave him and to be honest I do enjoy that extra free time with DH.

When questioned DS said he needs to 'assert his independence' (in a funny way). And he is quite right!

DS has various projects that he works on when he is alone (just now he is building a duck house) and he reads a lot. Screens are banned when he is alone for security reason - Ds understands that.

[BackforGood]

SOunds pretty normal - well, except for the fact he's (presumably as you are just posting now?) been happy to do these things until now.

What sounds appealing at 5,6, and 7 isn't going to be what a teenager wants to do.

[Monty27]

Sounds normal. He'll come out of cave eventually :)

[sandgrown]

My son disappeared upstairs when he was about 14 ,only reappearing for food. I think he rejoined us after a couple of years! Normal teenage behaviour I think.

[MaddAddam]

I think this is very normal. I remember refusing, on my last family holiday as a teen, to get out of the car and walk around a bird reserve. I sat in the car and read a philosophy book. Normally I like going for walks, and I did at that age, but it's that feeling of being dragged around by your parents rather than making autonomous choices that makes you say no even if it's something you might like.

And my nearly -teen is the same, lately she often doesn't want to come on jolly wholesome family days out (we have a lot of these, we're an outdoorsy family). 14yo and 10yo are keen, but nearly-13yo prefers to skulk in her room. But then she gets a bit lonely and miffed too and half wishes she'd come out. So leaving her behind isn't that satisfactory even for her either.

I'm trying to make the trips a bit more tempting. Places and activities that she likes, or with friends of hers along too. But I think too we have to get used to going without them and just accepting that the jolly all-family trips are perhaps a thing of the past.

[exexpat]

Normal. I think a 14-year-old who wanted to go rock pooling with his younger siblings would be distinctly in the minority. Wasn't your 18-year-old like that at the same age?

[MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday]

Yes, perfectly normal :) He'll rejoin the human race in about 5 years time :)
My older three all did this, and they are all happy to be seen with us in public again now :)