HELP! DD without her phone is like heroin addict with no smack.

(35 Posts)
Spidermama Mon 12-May-14 09:53:52

DDs been getting increasingly attached to her iPhone. She's on it ALL the time. She allows herself to be summoned by messages on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and probably all sorts of other things I've never heard of.

Just to give you some background, she's also highly strung almost all of the time. Probably socially phobic or at least has social anxiety issues. This is very hard work for everyone in the family and especially for her obviously. She swears at me and all other members of the family daily. It's very hard.

Anyway she has an exam tomorrow (ethics AS) which she really needs to study for. She has done a lot of studying but she spends so much time on her phone it's terribly worrying. So I've taken it from her (after several warnings and finding her almost texting in her sleep lying in a chair).

She's fuming now. She hates me. I'm the worst mother in the world and she's begging, tearfully, to get her phone back. sad It makes me feel sad and cruel BUT I can't just sit back while she is glued to her phone. It's surely so bad for her head.

My fervent hope is that she'll surrender to the situation and crack on with some revision this evening, but she's now kind of blackmailing me and saying she'll not sit the exam or she'll not do any revision unless I give the phone back.

What would you do?

Bonsoir Wed 14-May-14 05:38:42

OP - entirely coincidentally I was at a talk yesterday about technology in education. One of the speakers, a clinical psychologist, likened phone/internet addiction to anorexia/bulimia and said the treatment protocols are very similar.

TarpalCunnel Wed 14-May-14 07:23:35

Bonsoir I would be really interested to read more about that, can you tell us more or do you have any links? It sounds like something I could use for my psychology coursework smile

Bonsoir Wed 14-May-14 07:45:32

It was a talk - I can ask the speaker if she has published any papers and get back to you!

TarpalCunnel Wed 14-May-14 07:46:20

Ooh that would be brilliant, thankyou very much! grin

Bonsoir Wed 14-May-14 08:07:35

I've emailed her!

Spidermama Wed 14-May-14 10:29:36

Thanks Lorelei for that Wired article. Absolutely brilliant! I just read it in full and would urge any other concerned parents to do the same. It examines our fears (scremongering?) about the possible damages of our children being hyper-stimulated by technology and looks at research into the actual benefits.

It has honestly changed the way I will be approaching this subject with my teenagers.

Spidermama Wed 14-May-14 10:33:22

Here's an excerpt for anyone interested: We need to stop scaremongering about technology, not just because it's wrong, but because it's harmful. In another 2013 study, published in Computers in Human Behaviour, Reynol Junco found that young people in the US overestimated the time they spent online by a factor of five: on average, they spent 26 minutes a day on Facebook, but reported spending 145 minutes. "Society is telling them it's bad, and they're accepting it. That's not how to raise a generation. We're making youth feel bad about a normal part of their lives."

We shouldn't. Nor should kids have to come up with attention strategies on their own. Instead, we need to help children develop those skills.

Spidermama Wed 14-May-14 11:10:55

We did a phased return of her phone. The night before the exam she was almost high on facts demanding we test her on all the stuff she'd revised. We were all so relieved!!

She sat the exam and texted straight after it to say it was all over. It's like a massive weight has lifted off us all.

Thanks for your support on this. I'm using it as a window into how things might get at GCSE time if I don't give this matter some serious thought.

I'm increasingly thinking some sort of mindfulness training might be beneficial to her. (to me to.) Maybe I can convince her that its something we can do together.

chocoluvva Wed 14-May-14 12:52:05

Another thought - exam times can be so stressful. But hopefully your DD will have learnt something useful about preparing for her next lot of exams by doing this one.

Hopefully she'll have done well with this one and it will motivate her to study for her next lot.

Thank you from me for the article too.

(My DD and I are going to an introduction to meditation class tonight!)

Lorelei353 Thu 15-May-14 01:59:47

Glad you found it useful and happy to hear the exam went well.

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