Please someone tell me when teenage girls stop being so awful and horrible...

(43 Posts)
JessePinkmansHoody Thu 08-May-14 19:48:15

I realise not all of them are. But my 15 year old daughter is, whenever she chooses, and hang the consequences. And I dance around trying to please her so she gets what she wants and the rest of the family don't get involved..

I never dreamed I'd be such a shitty useless excuse for a mother..

RhondaJean Thu 08-May-14 19:50:54

Why do you dance around her?

I have a 14 year old. She was a complete arse from about 10/11 until recently but she's actually quite human some of the time now. I think the hormones kicked in early with her and fingers crossed we are coming out the other side.

Don't be hard on yourself though. They are vile creatures! Sometimes grin

Playingthelonggame Thu 08-May-14 19:59:53

You are me three years ago!

Hang on in there! Me and dd1 have a great relationship now. It lasted about two years.
I think it was dd believing/feeling she was a grown woman and we would clash like hell! I spoiled her on birthdays and Christmas and it did me no favours as I then resented that she still would be a witch anyway.

The only time I have ever struck dd1 was when she was 17 and sat in her bed. We had been battling for days and she was incredibly rude and hurtful, I snapped and the only thing I could think of was to smack her legs like a crazy woman!

Don't make her the centre of the world, house,family. Don't rise to it. Be there if she needs it, be helpful when needed but leave her to it.

I can honestly say she is my closest ally now. It was fooking hard word getting here though!

minxthemanx Thu 08-May-14 20:26:22

Not just girls - see my thread......you have my sympathy, as an equally crap mother.

22 or thereabouts

JessePinkmansHoody Thu 08-May-14 20:37:15

Rhonda I "dance" because sometimes I can make her stop being such a bitch by quickly providing whatever she wants (within reason; we are not financially well off so I don't mean expensive things)

Plus if Ds1 (21) or DP hear her speaking to me like a piece of crap then they get involved and everything deteriorates. She is also not above involving her father (xH) although he and I get on ok and he's not blind to her faults so I mostly try to get to him first, by text, when I sense she's about to give him a take of woe (eg that Ds1 or Dp have shouted at her)

I am aware that giving her this power .. By walking on eggshells around her.. is the last thing I should be doing and I disgust myself. Im an experienced parent who faced and adequately handled far worse than a bratty teenage DD.. I've doled out much well received advice on here under other names.. And yet I am mismanaging my teenage girl in a ridiculous fashion!

Her behaviour towards me.. And my responses.. Make me feel sick..

I am relieved that it may end at some point/she may morph back into something human.

When she's nice she's lovely

JessePinkmansHoody Thu 08-May-14 20:37:49

22 confusedblush

Playingthelonggame Thu 08-May-14 20:43:17

op you absolutely need to speak to exh and stand as a united front. When dd used to call her dad he would back me up.

Don't be so hard on yourself. She will probably take you to the edge and back. Dd1 used to make me rage then be crying my eyes out two mins later!

Inbox me if you like. We can share horror stories. I'm not putting them on here as I will be flamed !

carolinecupcake Sat 10-May-14 08:49:13

My DD14 is so selfish sometimes. Her and her friends seem to think the world revolves around them. All they think about is going out,clothes, Facebook etc. She never does anything to help around the house,minimal schoolwork and is always late - always with an excuse! I too feel like a useless parent - I know I'm too soft but that's me.DH is at the end of his tether and blames me for letting her get away with it.In fact this week he was saying that he feels like leaving! Is this just a phase or could her behaviour and my attitude towards it split us up?

Yes, judging by my sister, 22 blush when she left uni and came out of her bubble to the real world.
I have a 3yo girl and another due in a few weeks. Dh is talking about buying a fully kitted out summer house for when all the hormones hit at the same time. If he is really lucky it might even coincide with me being menopausal too! grin

RudyMentary Sat 10-May-14 09:03:16

My DD has been awful for years but much, much better now (15)

I refuse to pander/dance around her but I do spoil her in other ways iykwim.

She's a woman. We know what women like yes? I started to treat her like one. She hates mornings so, if I have time, I take her breakfast in bed. I refuse to tidy her room but sometimes will put a little present - a chocolate or lip salve or something she would like, on her folded clean pyjamas. The occasional cheap bunch of flowers, or even a single one in her room.

These little things make her nicer! Those flowers inspire her to tidy up.

DH thinks I'm mad but it works and our relationship has improved dramatically - she even does stuff for me occasionally wink

'A child needs your love most, when they deserve it least'

Rudy that's a lovely post. <makes mental note for when dd becomes a teenager, even though ill forget by then as she's not even 6 months old yet >

Rochiana54 Sat 10-May-14 09:25:36

Could your dd be facing challenges at school/with friends?

I was awful at home as a teenager. I was miserable, snappy, withdrawn and over emotional.

My 'friends' were fair weather. A few turned on me and the others did not defend me when I endured years of bullying at high school.

It was an awful time and I seriously do not know how I survived those five years. I wanted to be taken away, die, not exist. sad

I never told my dps but for some reason expected them to know. I was petrified the bullies would make my life even more difficult. I felt utterly controlled by them and what they chose to do or say to me.

I resent my dps for not pushing, for not insisting they speak to my teachers. They knew I was dreadfully unhappy but did not investigate.

carolinecupcake Sat 10-May-14 14:03:10

My DD14 is so selfish sometimes. Her and her friends seem to think the world revolves around them. All they think about is going out,clothes, Facebook etc. She never does anything to help around the house,minimal schoolwork and is always late - always with an excuse! I too feel like a useless parent - I know I'm too soft but that's me.DH is at the end of his tether and blames me for letting her get away with it.In fact this week he was saying that he feels like leaving! Is this just a phase or could her behaviour and my attitude towards it split us up?

SpottieDottie Sat 10-May-14 14:04:33

Age 15 in my experience.

Mrsjayy Sat 10-May-14 14:11:52

I have a family members whos 2 daughters treat her like shit she like you tries to keep the peace, IMO it does them no favours stand up to her let other adults in her life take a bit of the crap she will learn who is in charge, you deserve better, yes all teens go through a bit of this and sometimes they make you despair My eldest dd was a pain in the arse and it seemed a constant battle but she is in her 20s now and is fab but you need need need to let them know you are not standing for any of their shit, YOU deserve better and so does your daughter stand up to her say no sometimes and it is fine if somebody else tells her off,

dementedma Sat 10-May-14 18:13:31

Dd1 is 23 and still horrible most of the time, dd2 is 20 and a pleasant person. I have had to accept that, as individuals, dd 1 and I just don't like each other much. Unfortunately she still lives at home which makes us both even more miserable. Just because someone is your child, doesn't mean you are going to like the adult they become.sad

cat4trouble Tue 13-May-14 22:54:55

I am also a pathetic excuse for a mother and have a 14 year old daughter who literally treats me like dirt and I give in all the time. Been conned this week into concert tickets, I said that she couldn't go as she is at another concert 2 weeks before then she said her friends mum would take them if I got the tickets so I did after speaking to the friend. I was told they were £30 turned out they were £65 bought them and told DD she was paying each month for hers out of her allowance. Anyway the mother came round and dropped off an envelope of money but it was £35 short mentioned this to DD who said that her friends mum didn't know about the concert so to be fair she offered me to pay half her ticket. I mean is it me or is that totally taking the p** I am livid and can't quite believe it! Teenage girls are literally an absolute nightmare and my stress levels are through the roof dealing with one!!!
Glad to hear I am not alone!

JessePinkmansHoody Wed 14-May-14 19:29:00

Thanks for all the replies and especially the empathy. It's good to know I'm not alone. I sometimes (often in fact!) find myself wondering if she'd appreciate me if I suddenly wasn't here... Because nobody else would run her bath for her and lay out her pjs and a fresh towel, have her packed lunch in the fridge for her every morning, clean her squalid room up and especially at weekends so it's all nice for her (as this often puts her in a good mood... But her One Direction tickets I can I'll afford.. Take her and her friend to the cinema and buy them a McDonald's although I did want to perv at Zak Efron it has to said so it was partly for me grin

She hates mess although not enough to do anything herself..)

I drove home from work today fantasising over what it would be like to come in and find SHE had cooked us both dinner.. (Ha bloody ha) Instead of being slobbed on the sofa surrounded by debris waiting for me to think up options until one tickles her delicate fancy! Had a hard day at work and my head is full of how to best take care of my mother who has just yesterday had a fall and broken her ankle...and juggle everything else.. And does DD ask how her nan is? No she doesn't even mention her..

How did I produce something so selfish??

JessePinkmansHoody Wed 14-May-14 19:30:44

Cat4trouble think we are living parallel lives! blush

JessePinkmansHoody Wed 14-May-14 19:54:08

Richiana I'm well clued up with her school life as although she's far from the worst, her behaviour at school is not the best and she has a mentor who we liaise with often. She has nice friends who I know well and who stay over etc.. Although one or two of her group are those she gets into (stupid not really awful) trouble with at school.

There's a back story involving DS2 who has many complex needs and DD growing up alongside him (to her detriment) but he is at residential school now. Although yes I know the damage is done but I did the best I could and she knows that. She chooses not to visit him much and absents herself when he is home which tells it's own story I guess. At the sane time she loves him and feels guilty (none of it is her fault) so She's had some school counselling re the DS1 situation

rosepetalsoup Thu 15-May-14 13:11:39

Quite frightened by people saying it starts at 10/11 -- I have a DD 10.5 and would have thought I'd be safe til she was at least 13!

mathanxiety Thu 15-May-14 16:42:32
thebluehen Thu 15-May-14 21:46:47

I've got a teenage boy aged 16, he's become lazy and rude and I'm feeling disappointed and sad. He's sullen, monosyllabic, opinionated and just plain grumpy.

I'm trying not to tip toe round him and am developing a thicker skin as time goes on, but I miss my nice, funny little boy. hmm Will I ever get anything like him back?

liveoutloud Fri 16-May-14 18:05:42

Oh, dear, I feel so much better now knowing I am not alone in this world. I have a daughter, she was always very sweet kid, big heart, loving and caring. She is almost 13 and last six months changed into a completely different person. She used to get up first, make her bed, get dressed and come downstairs, now I have to drag her out of the bed. She used to run to me to kiss me and hug me, now she barely says hi to me and hides in her room. She does not say much to us, and this is the hardest to me, how do I help her if she does not say a thing. She found some people online and is in contact with them that appear to be teenagers that are depressed and are into cutting. I was devastated. She is also posting about being depressed and cutting although I know nothing about it. I am not sure if she really needs help and is depressed or she is just imitating this, because she wants to belong. She is not good in school and does not make friends easily so I am guessing she finally found people she can �hang out with�. Of course I talked to her about dangers of communicating with strangers online, asked her to stop many times, no change. I am thinking about taking IPod away and cutting her off completely, but am worried that this would make matters worse. I am not spoiling my kids, by no means do they have too much of anything, but I do try to do things for them to make them happy sometimes. I wonder sometimes if I am too soft a parent or too strict. But definitely feel like a failure lately. I miss my baby girl.

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