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Desperate with 17yr old DS

5 replies

JaaJaa3069 · 13/04/2014 11:14

Anyone any ideas? As I'm worn out. Our 17yr old ds left school last year is not in any training or employment. He passed 7 GCSE's but not his English. He stays out late every night, has got involved with others smoking, driving cars etc. He can't drive yet. I swear he has a form of an ASD but has never been tested, doctor says "he's a lad he'll grow out of it" but I've been concerned for 7 yrs now. He gets scared easily and is so naive he'll get into serious trouble. The police have got to know him but not for anything bad. He hates others fighting and panics when things start to turn bad and walks away but when he's at home he just wants lifts, food, money, clean clothes. No matter what I've said nothing has worked, nothing has got through to his head about how we're feeling and we've pleaded with him to go to college but he seems to think he's all the time in the world. He doesn't grasp the situation he's in and storms off when I start giving him lectures. I lay awake at night until he comes in. I'm worried sick this will end badly.

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M2GMOJK · 14/04/2014 01:02

Hi Jaajaa3069

I wish I could help you with constructive advice, but I have a 16 yr old son who I also struggle with, and at the low point we are currently at I feel I would be a hypocrite to try and offer advice. I wanted to comment though just to let you know that I feel your pain and you're not on your own in this.

I do know a little about college though as I have worked in FE for a number of years. There are courses out there designed specifically for those returning to education and struggling wih confidence. It may be worth you making some enquiries before suggesting to him. You may have done this already but I thought I would mention it. I hope things improve, but at the same time I think that a lot of what is going on with him sounds like fairly normal teenage behaviour. I say this to you as my ds2 suffers from depression and anger management issues, which mean that I very often have to take a step back and assess the situation to realise that very often, although I know he suffers from this mood disorder he is actually still just a young person under immense pressure and unsure what to do with his life

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M2GMOJK · 14/04/2014 01:02

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Jellaby · 14/04/2014 02:46

You need to force him into responsibility. Cut him off financially, and he'll have to get signed on and start looking for work.

The routine will be good for him.

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middleeasternpromise · 14/04/2014 03:13

Speak to careers service there might be an apprenticeship out there that would suit him he is currently classed as NEET so a priority for them

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JaaJaa3069 · 14/04/2014 22:05

Thank you for your advices. We have almost cut him off financially - he just has a £5 for a Friday and Saturday evening for a light supper and a soft drink. We have stopped a fiver here and a tenner there and what we are saving is frightening - we can see why we haven't had a family holiday since 2007! We did attend a meeting with a rep from NEET but they weren't much use I'm afraid. The best they could offer him was to go on a team building course and do an assault course!?!? Under the new rules he isn't eligible for any jobseekers benefits as he should be in education employment or training. The more I look at him (during the day) I seem to think he is getting depressed which I'm going to work hard on as I don't want to see him go down that road. I have to say after only one day of no money and no taxiing we've had a quiet day to day and he washed and polished his grandparents car (albeit for a fiver, but I'm keeping that for him because he wants to go to cinema on orange Wed with a friend!). So yes, thanks all, it's a long slow journey we're on. I wish you M2GM the best with your ds.