Are all 15 year olds taking booze to parties?(112 Posts)
apparently my DD is the only one whose parents don't buy her alcohol to take to parties...
I am remembering being 15 and drinking cider and hiding my drunk friends from my parents
I am remembering DH being the same and worse - so we have no room to talk about underage drinking but of course we don't want our DD doing it! haha
I'm not in AIBU but you're all going to tell me I am, right?....
advise please and sympathetic hugs about parenting teenagers and boundaries and letting go and other difficult stuff!
I went to a talk from the Amy Winehouse foundation at school. They opened by saying we, the British, have become a nation of pill poppers - with an alarming number of kids surveyed taking paracetamol freely for headaches without heeding dosage limits. The advice was to train your kids to always read the label in the hope they would learn to pay attention to what they take, and maybe when someone offers them an unlabelled pill to be more cautious. Also to keep an eye on your own medicine cabinet - as thezee says, these are drugs that are easily available.
The speaker cited legal highs as the biggest problem now, as is there are new ones constantly emerging , and kids perceive ' legal ' as safe. He showed us a sachet called 'Gogaine' which you can buy at our nearest Texaco, labelled 'not for human consumption'. Google it !
mrsRuff, I find that really interesting in a cultural pov. I'm a Brit living in the US and when my son became a HS student, we were told that, without a doubt, the biggest danger to our kids was in our own medicine cabinets. Apparently Xanax, Ambien and Ritalin all have a whole new price on their heads, despite being very different and very scary drugs.
It's interesting in that kids will gravitate to the "drug" they can get easiest.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with acknowledging that alcohol plays a part in our socialising - but we can teach our teens about safer drinking, ABV levels, personal limits etc. DH doesn't drink at all (he has diabetes and finds it just messes with his levels) and I drink very rarely ie a couple of glasses once every few months - so whilst I'm happy to buy a small amount of alcohol for DS1 for the occasional party it's against a backdrop of a family where alcohol doesn't really play a part.
I honestly don't think we can expect our teens not to see alcohol as an integral part of socialising if we, as parents, are regular consumers of alcohol. The argument that "this is something for grown ups" doesn't really wash at that age.
A teacher who gave a talk at the dc's 6th form parent's introductory evening said much the same thing.
Whereas parents get their knickers in a twist over drugs, it is actually alcohol that is far more insidious as far as the school is concerned.
However, I fear that alcohol is so ubiquitous in their socialising, that 16+ teenagers are unlikely to be dissuaded by their parents.
Can't decide whether I'm a defeatist or a realist.
Despite it's social acceptability it is one of the most damaging of substances and I discourage my eldest by not consuming it myself and as we have two alcohlics in the extended family she has seen first hand the damage. Legal(ish) doesn't equate safety. Quite frankly there are many illicit substances I'd rather she took to a party, fear of prosecution and criminal record aside that is.
The big chains are very strict. DD's 18YO BF wasn't allowed to buy alcohol because he was with DD (aged 17) who didn't have ID. DD suggested she go and wait outside but they were having none of it.
The police are well aware of which shops sell alcohol to underage children round here, whether that's directly - or indirectly through other people. They get a small fine, a slap on the wrist and it settles down...for a while. The shops in question tend to be the small, independent grocers rather than the big chains who don't want the adverse publicity imo.
We have the number printed at work actually somewhere if you suspect a shop that's selling a lot to underage kids, if you report them they tend to get "mystery shopped" a lot. One down our end got fined a lot for failing it.
Then it is all your jobs to report these places really. Nigella I'd tell your son to be very careful, I've served someone with a fake ID (it had the pass logo on it but it just didn't look right at all, if you are trained, it's not hard to spot a fake) and I called the manager who agreed it was fake, we confiscated it and called the police who took the ID and confirmed it was a fake so god knows how much trouble the boy is in. Not worth it really for a few fags. Also reg get people trying to use other people's ID's even though the photo is different we have to take them away to and call the police as it's fraud.
I think most teens know of a shop or two where they can get drink and fags. Our two nearest corner shops will serve my DCs as they know them and us.
The difference in my eyes is that whereas I used to go to our local pub or a nearby bar and get served and be under pressure to behave myself to some extent, kids won't get served in those type of places. They have to drink out and about or at someone's house. Id rather much provide mine with a few beers or similar to stop them hitting the spirits because the environments they're in seem to have more risk.
my 15 year old made himself a fake ID on the college computers
My 15 year old son can buy alcohol and tobacco . He knows which stores won't bother to ask for ID, and there are quite a few, unfortunately.
I am liberal middle class and i live in a scabby area....lucky kids get double beer rations
I'm 46 and I have never ever been asked for ID.
I think I have just gone through life a few years ahead of the fuss. Our rural pubs served us from 14, university bars and pubs by the university never asked (just assumed everyone was 18. My best DF wasn't at freshers (she'd been HE abroad and put up a year when she got home)
I can't decide between "scabby area" or "liberal middle class". Choices....
There's lots if house parties where we live, both for teens and adults. DS and sometimes end up at the same one! He's nearly 16. I give him 6 Budweiser or similar and he often brings some back with him. When we hosted a party in January, there were around 10 friends age 15 to 20. They all brought alcohol and all except one were sensible. DS booted the offender out as he didn't want to be around someone like that.
DS also goes to a mates house every few weeks for a board games night with his mates family and a few others. I think they have a couple of beers then.
I and other parents are comfortable with it - as long as it is not excessive.
BackforGood don't be so sensitive. I've already managed to discuss this nicely with SirChenjin, I obviously didn't mean it in a nasty way. However these kids were doing some sort of Easter Egg raffle and Face Painting, sorry I didn't recognise their life saving abilities, which as it happens are not exclusive to scouts and guides. My DC have done advanced First Aid courses through their hobby and through school. It's hardly a slight on your DD to notice some obviously very geeky kids who happen to share the same activity as herself. If I had said there were guides and scouts behaving particularly poorly I don't imagine you'd be rushing to associate your DD with them.
Btw much to my eternal glee I still regularly get asked for ID here and I'm 41. I might not look my age but I certainly don't look under 18! I think it's just become a policy in lots of shops to ask unless the person looks ancient. Some staff clearly take it very seriously and spend ages calculating my age while umming and ahhing.
Sorry, forgot to answer your 6th form question - you go into 6th form the September after your 16th birthday. So my June born ds is almost 18 now, at the end of his 2nd year, but my Sept born dd will be turning 17 at the start of 6th form.
I don't know SirChenjin. We went to a (50th) birthday party the other week as a family. In a works social club, all as families, and my 18yr old niece was distraught when she realised she'd come out without ID - 100% convinced she wouldn't get served and wouldn't go near the bar all night (she doesn't look underage or anything, it's just their experience that until you look about 35 you'll get ID'd wherever you go - my other niece couldn't believe that I didn't automatically carry ID with me wherever I go).
At 18 I'd have been comfortable that I'd be served in that sort of environment, if not in a club or City Centre bar.
I needed some matches the other day and asked my 15 yr old to nip into the shop for me, and she pointed out they wouldn't let her buy them as she was under age!
There weren't nearly the same number of shops selling alcohol back in the 80s/early 90s - but it was just as easy then as it is now to get someone else to buy you alcohol. As for ID...well, we used to make our own or borrow someone else's paper driving licence. It was just as easy to get hold of alcohol then as it is now.
All the people saying "I regualarly bought alcohol underage back when I was young - my parents didn't know" Well it's not the same now! Even back when I was 15/16 (which was only just over a decade ago) it was nowhere near as strict as it is now. All the shops round here now follow the think 25 policy, some are even using the "think 30" Makes it a lot harder now.
I would buy my DS a couple of beers once he has left school (so 16-17) but nothing under that no, though I'd be tempted to full him with becks blue and change the label if he kicked off! Booze and and me generally ended in me making bad choices even in my 20's so can't imagine a house full of pissed hormonal teens. :S
I don't buy it, but most of them are drinking at parties at this age. My kids are friends with a big mixture of state / private school kids in Oxford (wide range of incomes and social background), and they almost all drink. Some of them successfully deceive their parents.
Yes, because buying them a couple of beers for the occasional house party means you're either the liberal middle class type who is trying to be their friend or you live in a "scabby area"
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