my Ds15 wants to sleepover at his girlfirends, she's 13 !

(58 Posts)
DieselSpillage Fri 04-Apr-14 20:51:45

I have said no way but ds is really losing the plot over it. His girlfirend's mum is ok about him staying over .. apparently he will have a mattress on the floor.. I am shock that she is ok about it.

It would be interesting for Ds to see a general consensus of opinions on this, as of course I am the mum from hell for saying no...

BeyondStressed42 Fri 11-Apr-14 19:38:48

Good lord no shock 13 is JUST a teenager! It would be a different kettle of fish if she was 16 but she's not and it's inappropriate and quite frankly irresponsible of the mother.

lottie82 Fri 11-Apr-14 14:58:37

my friends mum used to let his little brothers gf stay over when they were 14. he said she slept on the floor. I honestly think she was just really naïve.

Iwasagnome Mon 07-Apr-14 17:52:33

Please tell your ds that condoms do not give 100% protection .
How's he going to feel if she gets pregnant/ has to go through abortion

LIZS Mon 07-Apr-14 17:44:50

So the girl is willing to have sex with your ds and yet not be honest enough with her oh so liberal and open mum, to gain access to contraception and sensible advice. iirc you have had a thread similar before. She still doesn't sound mature enough to handle the possible consequences of this relationship, legal or not.

DieselSpillage Mon 07-Apr-14 17:05:09

Lizs the fact that there is less than 2 years between them means that it is not seen as illegal in the eyes of the law even though she is 13. I have told my Ds I am not at all ok with the fact that they had sex and have clearly explained why. I am doing everything I can to make sure the opportunity doesn't present itself, inspite of the fact that the girls mum is not bothered.

I don't want his first relationship to be full of guilt ridden recriminations. I don't see how disaproving of their friendship would help anyone. They need to learn about relationships and also how to set limits, I think it's better to guide them through than just forbid them from seeing each other.

DownstairsMixUp Mon 07-Apr-14 09:25:19

When I was 13 I asked my Dad if I could have my 13 year old boyfriend stay over night. After he had finished pissing himself laughing at me I was told a firm no and he rung my boyfriend's parents who agreed that we'd now have to be supervised on day visits to each other's houses. blush I was told we would have to wait till we were both 16 and that was that. I wasn't the sort of girl to do stuff in a park or outside, seemed a bit skanky to me so we fizzled out sadly. I'd take the same approach to my kids if they ever ask!

LIZS Mon 07-Apr-14 09:18:20

Hang on , he has told you they are having underage sex yet you are still considering the relationship as "sweet". The local age of consent is 15 , it doesn't matter what it is elsewhere, and she is still underage . What if there is a problem and her mum reports him for rape? You cannot condone this in any shape or form.

nooka Sun 06-Apr-14 23:44:51

I have a 13 year old dd and an almost 15 year old ds. Neither of them will be having boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping in their rooms over night for a while yet (although I might have to fight with dh about that - he's more liberal and I'm more traditional).

I'd be very concerned if either of my children were having sex, they are children and I wouldn't trust them to be always wearing condoms at their ages, and neither would cope with a pregnancy scare. Luckily neither of them are interested at all right now. The closest we have got is that we almost had a friend of dd's stay over recently who we know has a crush on her. I was very firm that she would be sleeping in a different room. Just to complicated!

DieselSpillage Sun 06-Apr-14 20:55:56

Why hasn't her mum put her on the pill if she's ok with her having sex? Dh suggested to her mum that this should happen and her mum said her daughter would tell her when she was ready.

I know they have had sex because ds told me they had, yet her daughter hasn't told her mum that she's sexually active, even though her mum seems so "cool" about it all. I think her mum is assuming way too much maturity from her dd <hoiks up judgy pants>

She's a nice girl and they are sweet together. I am not going to ban him from seeing her. I don't think that would stop him and at least he's being open and up front with me. I just need to make sure their relationship is age appropriate.

The age of consent throughout Europe seems to range from 14 to 18 which is a big variant...

BastardDog Sun 06-Apr-14 18:49:13

As the mother of a 13 yo girl and a 14 yo boy it would be a categoric NO from me and my explanation as to why not would be short and to the point.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 06-Apr-14 18:39:50

I suppose it depends on whether you want them having sex at this young age.
Its ok the mother saying she wouldn't let her daughter keep a baby, but she wouldn't have a say in the matter, it would be her dds decision.
I would be making sure my child kept away from this girl and her immoral family tbh. But I doubt mine would have wanted to have been so involved at such a young age.

LIZS Sun 06-Apr-14 18:33:43

Poor girl , she needs protecting from herself and her liberal minded mum. No is sufficient explanation. Also no unsupervised time in an empty house. You can't prevent all opportunities but you don't have to make it easy.

Damnautocorrect Sun 06-Apr-14 18:32:12

If she lives 5 mins away there's no need for a 'sleep over' other than sex and she's 3 years under the age of consent. So if your sons happy for the consequences of prosecution and the affect that could have on his future.

RudyMentary Sun 06-Apr-14 18:30:40

Ah - just seen update.
I would be ok with sleeping over/mattress on the floor though

RudyMentary Sun 06-Apr-14 18:28:15

I would be ok with it

furlinedsheepskinjacket Sun 06-Apr-14 18:26:24

no no no x 1000000

joanofarchitrave Sun 06-Apr-14 18:25:23

There was a thread a few days ago from a mother of a 15 year old ds whose 13 year old dd was pregnant.

'No, you're too young and your girlfriend is much too young' sounds like an explanation to me. I think HE should be giving some explanations, if they are home at her house alone and thought to be likely to be shagging during the day confused

vestandknickers Sun 06-Apr-14 18:23:15

No way!

He needs a reason? How about because you are the parent and you've said no!

hellymelly Sun 06-Apr-14 18:20:44

13 and her Mum is ok with having sex? I am genuinely shocked by that. My dds are much smaller but no way are they having boyfriends sleeping in their rooms at that age. Sometimes parental rules really help teenagers to avoid doing something they really don't feel ready for. It is so easy for girls to feel pressured into sex and 13 is tragically young imo. Maybe boys feel pressure too, and having a censor can be a help in not losing face.

LineRunner Sun 06-Apr-14 18:19:14

OP, ask your son if he feels old enough to be a father.

ExcuseTypos Sun 06-Apr-14 18:12:58

My dd had a friend whose mum was very happy for her 14 year old to have her boyfriend staying the night. She actively encouraged it. That girl is now completely messed up, has self esteem issues and has had a termination.

Diesel's son- your girlfriend is far too young to have her boyfriend staying over night. You both have about 80 years left on this earth, plenty of time to be staying at girlfriends' houses. But not at the moment.
Listen to your mum.

midwifeandmum Sun 06-Apr-14 18:06:01

No chance in hell. ive got 2dds (4 and2) so I have all the bf nonsense to come. But I would not allow it in my house or bf/gf house.

Hubby going grey at the thought of it.

MuttonCadet Sun 06-Apr-14 18:04:46

No, and given the mothers attitude I'd be wanting him to spend less time with her. It's not the kind of influence you want your son subjected to.

She's 13, FFS!

coldwater1 Sun 06-Apr-14 17:59:21

No way never.

sandyballs Sun 06-Apr-14 17:29:30

Jesus I have two 13 year old DDs and no way would a 15 year old boyfriend be 'sleeping on their floor'.

I wouldn't even like the idea of them having a 15 year old boyfriend. Like a poster said above, there is a big difference in maturity and outlook at that age.

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