aibu to be furious at my 15yo dd's school for not alerting me when she told a teacher she would be staying overnight with a 26 year old man after getting into a fight with me and refusing to return h

(5 Posts)
trampsypantsy Sun 23-Feb-14 10:27:05

I've been fuming over this for a week but basically my 15yo daughter has been going Off the rails recently since her grandfather who she was very close to died. I've been trying to get her to see a therapist about it but she refuses. So I was tidying her room for her as she was having a particularly sad day, and under he pillow i found a large, half drunk bottle of vodka. This all happened last week when she was at school. I rang her during her lunchtime to give her a chance to explain herself and to tell her to come home straight from school and we needed to have a chat about this. She got very angry with me on the phone and refused to come home that night, she said she wouldn't be getting the bus home and would make sure I wouldn't know where she was. Turns out she was then quite upset and told her head of year teacher about the situation. She also told the teacher that she would be spending the night at a man who is 26 flat who she had spoken to in a cafe last week and he said she could stay whenever she liked. My dd friend heard and got her to sleep at her house instead, but to was apparently very last minute and the teacher was still under the impression she was staying with this male stranger. A week later the mother who's house my dd stayed at rang me to tell me her dd only just told her that my dd was planning on staying with this man who I.didn't even know existed. Of course it is not the teachers fault for my dd deciding to stay there, but aren't they legally bound to tell parents if their child is in a potentially dangerous situation?

Joules68 Sun 23-Feb-14 10:29:52

Maybe she didn't explain who he was properly? She might have said she was staying with a friend....

Innogen Sun 23-Feb-14 16:16:29

Doesn't sound like the teachers knew the details, just that she was upset, and wasn't going home.

In future, never attack over the phone. Wait to do it in person. It's not fair for a kid to spend the whole day dreading going home - stuff like this a direct result of your action in phoning her.

3 more hours and you could have done it in person, and avoided all of this. Your DD deserves that respect.

Timetoask Sun 23-Feb-14 16:22:35

I would be furious, the teacher should have called you.

MissBattleaxe Sun 23-Feb-14 16:27:04

I can see why you're worried and it sounds like a worrying situation all round. However, I do agree with Innogen. If you go in on the attack, she will scarper.

It's not your fault she made a crap decision about staying with a virtual stranger, but she was probably afraid of your wrath and wanted to leg it out the way.

I don't know if the teacher is the right one to blame, but I do know that your DD's friend needs to be thanked for being so kind and sensible.

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