I feel like leaving home

(199 Posts)
Doinmummy Mon 27-Jan-14 23:43:36

DD15 nearly 16 has been very difficult( think drugs, police, violence etc) she has been so good the last few months though.

However, in order to keep the peace I have found myself tiptoeing around her. Thinking twice about what I say , being careful not to even bloody sigh as it can set her off into a screaming fit. I'm sitting here tonight thinking ' what the bloody hell am I doing ?' I'm fed up of walking on egg shells just to keep her happy. She asked me if I thought silver hair would suit her. My reply was 'Weeeeell I'm not sure if it would' cue shouting and screaming that I don't care and I think her hair is shit.

I can't carry on like this. I want to leave home( yes seriously ) and see how she gets on without me.

Maryz Tue 28-Jan-14 22:16:06

Hi Doin, just posting support, will check back in later.

Morry, no-one understands until they have been there. Sometimes you have to do something that feels shit NOW to achieve something good in the long term.

flowers to everyone living through this. You are not shit parents and you are certainly not alone.

Maryz Tue 28-Jan-14 22:18:25

You aren't rejecting her.

You are accessing help for her, there is a real difference. She may not see it now, but she will in the end.

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:21:00

It was all going so well. I wonder if she's been taking something as she's been either very moody or very touchy . I've been walking on egg shells for the last couple of weeks.

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:21:20

I mean moody or happy

Commander6 Tue 28-Jan-14 22:25:59

Are there some back history threads on here? No worries if there are not. But if there are, it might help the likes of me that dont come on Teenagers that often.

Actually, realised that is a very stupid thing to ask you right now. Ignore me., I will have a look in the morning.

I was going to say that if it was me, I would carry on with the tiptoing for a few months. But I dont know the back history at all.

morry1000 Tue 28-Jan-14 22:26:15

I am Sorry to everyone who has experienced violence towards them or to other DC . I have been very lucky that despite my DD2s documented problems from being a young girl she has never displayed violence to anyone ( JUST AN EXTREME POTTY MOUTH) to Teachers as well as family.

I guess I am also lucky in not having younger children to protect.

You are quite right I could never understand (UNLESS I WAS ATTACKED VIOLENTLY BY A TEEN WHO WAS STRONGER THAN ME)

Best of luck to Couthy/ Doin who are showing what caring and devoted mothers you are...

Once again "Sorry" if I have upset anyone.

Best Wishes Morry....

Commander6 Tue 28-Jan-14 22:27:21

Call me silly, but I always think there is help if nothing much has happened for a bit.
Sort of seems like they are able to control themselves if they want to. So they can end up wanting to again at some point in the future.

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:29:09

Don't worry Morry it's one of those situations that unless you've been there ( hopefully never will) you don't know how you'll react.

Maryz Tue 28-Jan-14 22:29:59

Commander, yes there are quite a few grin

Drugs are a possibility, Doin. ds's worst behaviour was when he first started using cannabis heavily. I know everyone says it isn't addictive, but he used to get psychotic if he used for a few days and then had a couple of days off. Tuesdays were inevitably awful after the Friday/Saturday overload.

Good for you, apologising, morry smile - it is hard to understand just how awful it can be.

GlitzAndGiggles Tue 28-Jan-14 22:30:36

Would she contact SS herself? I did this when I was about 10 because I was a horrible little brat at the time. I needed help and they gave it to me. A lady came round to talk to me and my mum. I don't know why I was like that I was just a really angry child. I'm glad I got the help I did. I'm not saying it'll work for everyone but it's worth a try

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:31:29

The police have taken her to her boyfriends house. Just spoken to his mum and explained the situation . She's ok to have her for tonight

Maryz Tue 28-Jan-14 22:34:17

They can't do that, Doin.

She's under 16, they have to release her to a responsible adult confused

You must be glad that she is safe and not in cells overnight.

But she's not 16 yet, is she?
I never understand how it's deemed appropriate to involve another family like that? I am not critical of the decision, but truly don't understand it.

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

CouthyMow Tue 28-Jan-14 22:45:58

MaryZ - they tried desperately to get me to allow DD to be released to her friend's house, when her 15yo friend's parents would both be at work until AFTER the SS offices closed, I haven't personally seen this friend's parent's more than on one occasion, four years ago, neither me nor DD knows the parent's phone numbers or names...they also said that no SW would accompany DD there, as it would be a 'personal arrangement' between ME and friend's parents. Who I was unable to speak to...

It was only when I asked WHAT would happen if they refused, the lying SW told me that DD would have to come home, and I pointed out that under that circumstance, I STILL would be unable to, and that they have a duty of care towards my vulnerable teenager, that they I nixed that one...

If doin's DD's boyfriend's mum has agreed, then SS will release Doin's DD there as a 'personal arrangement' which has NO comeback on SS if anything happens to Doin's DD, or her boyfriend, or the boyfriend's mum...

SS basically claim no involvement or responsibility for it!!

(Which was another reason I refused that!)

CouthyMow Tue 28-Jan-14 22:46:57

How old is your DD's boyfriend?

Ok. Now I am much more critical angry
WTAF?

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:49:50

She will be 16 in 3 weeks time. I feel I'm running out of time to get help.

I have found SS to be hopeless in the past

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:51:19

He's 19. Yes I know he's too old for her. Yes I know she's having under age sex( she's on the pill) no I'm not happy about it.

CouthyMow Tue 28-Jan-14 22:51:42

Thing is, if the boyfriend's mum is willing to have your DD there indefinitely (and I know there ARE mums out there who don't bat an eyelid at an extra teen in the house...), then as as will do fuck all!!

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:52:13

I don't know where else she could go, def not to her fathers

Doinmummy Tue 28-Jan-14 22:53:09

She will only have her for tonight

CouthyMow Tue 28-Jan-14 22:54:14

At least she IS on the pill - DD can't swallow ANY pills (even has to have AB liquid when she has a throat infection), and she's needle phobic. So no contraception for DD!

FUUUUUUCK - so SS/Police have WILFULLY ignored the fact that he is with an underage girlfriend AND have released that underage girlfriend into the same house?! WTF??!!

I feel well out of my depth here, but really??

That is just so inappropriate, even if one were to assume that the boyfriend's mum made sure that no law was broken under her roof tonight...

CouthyMow Tue 28-Jan-14 22:57:12

If she will only have your DD for tonight, then you need to borrow those balls of steel and phone SS in the morning and give off about how, given her violence towards you, you can't have her home, and leaving her in the same house as her 19yo boyfriend is not acceptable, as they are leaving her in a situation where he is likely to be committing an offence by sleeping with her when she's underage, and they have a duty of care towards your DD...

CouthyMow Tue 28-Jan-14 23:01:06

I know it sounds bad, but given your DD's situation with her father not being an option, you are basically at the point where I was on Sunday / yesterday.

Realistically, the only SAFE option for you AND your DD given the police have released her into the care of her 19yo boyfriend's mum... is probably an emergency FC placement...

And if she's not yet 16, it might be the last chance to get the help she needs.

Ugh, is there something in the air with teenage girls born that month or something?!

And yes, I do believe that weed is playing a part in MY DD's behaviour, it has yo be a consideration when they are behaving like this.

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