Help needed with mental health problems 16 ds

(12 Posts)
yetwig Tue 26-Nov-13 18:39:10

My 16yr old son has been suffering for about 2 years on and off with depression, has also self harmed in the past. since being at collage it has got to the point of him going to the doctors and waiting for them to refer him to the relevant team but this is taking time.

He has anger problems and has already been excluded for two days from collage for an out burst. The collage have said he is a liability and he has one more chance. They have offered counseling but he wont get of his you know what and do anything to help himself.

The collage have diagnosed dyslexia and disbraxier (sp) which is quite bad, the school before said it was a behavior problem but turns out its not just that.

Tonight he has come in from collage crying and very upset, nothing really has happened at collage but he feels scared at the moment as he is have horrible thoughts, i just don't know what to do for the best. I feel so helpless and sad for him.

Is their anything i can do? apart from just being their for him.

summer68 Tue 26-Nov-13 21:40:08

Oh Jetwig I really feel for you. This post could have almost been written by me! We are going through the same thing with our son.
inform the college ( if you haven't already) I'm sure they deal with lots of this. Encourage him to socialise, as my son puts it - "you have to pretend to be happy in front of people". Exercise is also good (but you can't make a 16 yr old do anything he doesn't want to.)Have a blood test with the Dr, my son is low in vit.D which can cause depression.
I've began to really take time out to chat with my son- just to keep communication going. We talk about anything that interests him and I give him my undivided attention.
Keep vigilant for substance abuse ( I don't want to scare you but it's a possibility) .
Are you getting any support for you and your feelings?
One last idea go back to your go and explain that your son seems to be getting worse. I had to do this on Friday and she was very helpful.
Please Pm me if you need to .
Here's a big hug for you x

summer68 Tue 26-Nov-13 21:44:19

Sorry heating I've just 're read your post and I see the college have offered counselling. Almost impossible to MAKE him go, I know. What does he want to do to help himself?

MiniMonty Wed 27-Nov-13 01:50:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

MiniMonty Wed 27-Nov-13 01:54:46

PS...

Some people (perhaps most people) hate the pressure of further education. It's no crime to want "out" of that system.

Have you ever heard a joke about how hard it is to get a plumber?
Well, the world needs plumbers...

vichill Wed 27-Nov-13 02:18:02

What a hero mini. I bet you add so much to the lives of those around you.

mermaidbutmytailfelloff Wed 27-Nov-13 02:32:03

Bloody hell mini, do you pull the wings off flies too?

OP my thoughts are with you. My 16 year old self harmed too, and made numerous suicide attempts. I have never felt more of a failure as a mother - because you protect the and make them better. But you can't, they are little adults at 16. Just be there for him, take all the help you can get and look after yourself and your mental health because it is tough.

yetwig Wed 27-Nov-13 09:42:49

Thanks MiniMonty for making me feel even worse about the situation :0( Spelling isn't my strong point, never has been. Giving up collage isn't an option and he does enjoy it most of the time. I have read loads about
DYSPRAXIA see i can spell lol

Summer69 thanks for your kind words, my son has an appointment with the doctors in the morning and is taking the day off collage today as he is so tired. I talk to him as much as possible but he does shut himself away in his room quite a lot. Also put him on our gym membership but he can only go when we do as its in the middle of no where. He has made lots of new friends at collage and has a girlfriend but i'm worried about this as he has told me she self harms too.

Thanks vichill and mermaidbutmytailfelloff :0) i do feel a failure.

Twitterqueen Wed 27-Nov-13 10:02:43

My nephew also suffers from both Dyspraxia and dyslexia and has done all his life. He's not going to get any better, but he is managing his condition better (most of the time).

Are both you and confident that college is the best option for him? If he had problems at school these will inevitably continue. the sense of failure my nephew experienced in learning situations was not good - he needed to be in a different environment, ie working.

Does your son have a specific interest or hobby that you can encourage? Perhaps he would be better in a job or an apprenticeship programme?
This might help his self-esteem and self-worth.

It's a terrible burden for you both.

yetwig Wed 27-Nov-13 11:34:32

Thanks Twitterqueen for your reply i'm going to talk to the collage about this when they phone me back, i think what you have said it a good idea, he has a part time job which he loves and is a different person after he comes home from work.

I will look into this further :0)

summer68 Wed 27-Nov-13 16:26:47

"Girlfriend self harms" - my son was also going out with a girl who did this, it defiantly makes matters worse, but what can you do about it.?...
It seems like you are supporting him really well, ignore the negative comments, some people just want lots of attention. You are clearly doing your best. I've been in contact with a parent's helpline today from "young minds" 0808025544, they were very supportive and gave me some advice.
Xxx

yetwig Sat 30-Nov-13 16:26:44

Thanks summer68 things seem to have settled down at the moment, I got him to talk to his tutor who helped him get an appointment with the collage mental heath team. He also went and saw his doctor who is a great help, he has to go back next week too.

I talked to him about giving up collage but he doesn't want to as he really enjoys it, have also convinced him to go back to English and ask for help which i hope he will do on Monday.

Thanks again for your support and hope things settle down for you too.

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