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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Can I share a little story of hope?

18 replies

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 25/11/2013 22:23

For all those currently struggling with really difficult teens at the moment. I really really empathise because my DS1 (2nd of four) was utterly hideous.

He was a funny, gentle little boy til he was 12. From 12 to 16 he was evil, frankly. He smoked (weed) stole from us (lots) smashed holes into the walls, smashed doors, threatened me, and the lies, oh GOD the lies. He was arrested for arson (actually innocent of that but frankly a day in the cells was good for him) I remember thinking I'd never make it til he was 18 and I could ask him to leave.

He's 20 now.. 21 in march. He has a decent , tho not well paid job as a support worker where he looks after a couple of older men with severe schizophrenia and learning difficulties. He is keyworker for one with severe epilepsy. He is great at his job, doing his BTECs (just finished level 2 and will do level 3 next) He hopes go go into nursing eventually (amazingly he didn;t end up witha criminal record and has a clean CRB!)

He has a lovely girlfriend who may be 'the one'. He pays me rent, he is gentle and kind to his autistic younger brother and adored by everyone he works with.

In short he is a different human being to the angry young teen who hated the world, and hated us, and thought the world owed him everything.

The improvement started at about 16 when he was curfewed (informally ) by the police for 6 months.Then he got an evening job, discovered the joy of working and earning and has not had a day without work since.

I am very proud of him. On the rarest of moments when he gets cross (like when his work place messed up his pay) he apologises immediately for sounding snappy! He has grown up and become the gentle man I always hoped he would be.

At the worst times, well we know here how bad it can be, and it was.

I just wanted to share because if you had told me 5 years ago that DS1 would be a respectable, working, loving, decent young man I'd have laughed hysterically.

There is hope

OP posts:

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/11/2013 22:24

That is a lovely story - well done to you and your ds!

Chottie · 25/11/2013 22:28

How fantastic, your son sounds a very special person doing a wonderful job. No wonder you are so proud of him. Thanks for sharing your story. :)

Doinmummy · 25/11/2013 22:32

That's fantastic Medusa

I have had a shocking year with DD15. Violence/police involvement/ drugs/ damage to my property.

Things are so much better now. I've had help from an agency called Family Solutions .

DD also has a part time job. She still cops the hump over things but nothing escalates like it did earlier in the year.

I've never known despair or fear like it. I couldn't see an end to it.

The relief is enormous. Long may it continue.

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 25/11/2013 22:33

Thank you for sorting this today, I thatched the day week month from hell with my 16 yr old DS. It's mostly the lies and partly the laziness/lack of any motivation for anything except computer games :( it has been so hard, but your DS is a little shining light at the end of my tunnel.

I'm so pleased for you

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 25/11/2013 22:34

#posting

cory · 26/11/2013 09:05

Awww, how lovely!

wakemeupnow · 26/11/2013 10:57

Great to hear a positive story.
I too have had a very rough ride with my Ds 17. Things are so much better than they were. He's left home and is going to college, working and generally being a responsible adult...

For all those going through it with their teens, hold fast . there is light at the end of the tunnel !

medwaymum3 · 26/11/2013 14:55

you are so lucky that it all turned around :)

summer68 · 27/11/2013 16:35

Thank you for your ray of hope...........
I hope I can post a similar post one day.

Andy1964 · 27/11/2013 16:49

As you seem to be good at dealing with teenagers do you want mine for a few years?

lol

flow4 · 27/11/2013 19:44

Yay, thank goodness and well done medusa!

It's the same with my DS1. :) Most of them do grow up it seems. It's such a relief!

MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 28/11/2013 00:11

LOL @ Andy... I have had four teens.
Eldest DD.. very bright, but with ADHD, and a few hideous years of anorexia. Now doing brilliantly at Med school. Medicated!
DS1... recovered monster
DD2.. at uni but struggles with depression and eating issues and has the tendency to get blind drunk and in scary situations
DS2 Autistic, learning disabled and mental health issues.

I am GREY as a result. Don't think I could handle any more :D

But it has been worth it. Every moment of hideous worry, rescuing drunk teens and sitting up all night so they don't choke on their own vomit, wondering where they are, who they are with.. they are all coming out the other end as fantastic young adults.

They DO grown up!!

OP posts:

louby44 · 28/11/2013 21:14

Thank you for posting this! There is hope

chocoluvva · 29/11/2013 22:13

That is a very encouraging and heart-warming story Medusa

chocoluvva · 29/11/2013 22:15

My two aren't very confident but they're both unbelievably stubborn and won't be told anything. I worry about their lack of self-discipline.

LCHammer · 29/11/2013 22:19

Thank you for this post. Well done to your DCs and you.

wifeandmotherandlotsofother · 03/12/2013 13:08

(thanks) how lovely to read all the nice stories x

whitesugar · 08/12/2013 04:42

Medusa thanks very much for posting. I can only seriously hope that this happens to me. Tonight was one of those nights driving around looking for DS14, found him and his friends drunk, tried to get them into car, DS freaked and punched me. I am up at this unGodly hour to make sure DS does not choke on his own vomit. DD17 was also out at party and texted me at half one to tell me a girl got attacked at the party and could she bring 3 girls home. I was in no mood at this stage and said no.

People reading this will say don't let them drink. DS and his friends left earlier to go down to the shop to get goodies like chocolate and crisps and sit in for the evening. Its a safe area and they sometimes hang around the park so I was not unduly worried when they didn't come straight back. When I finally got hold of him he was barely coherent. I had hoped to relax this evening but spent the night ferrying teenagers around, stopping now and then for one of them to puke One of them very nearly puked in the car, God knows how he didn't. He made up for it when he got into my house and puked on the sofa. I really live in a state of permanent anxiety. I can't see that I will survive this, I am worrying that I will get some serious illness because of the worry. My DD17 can be extremely hard work and has put me through hell.

I hope that one day I can say what you can say. Thanks for giving me hope.

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