I have name changed. Advice over how to handle 17 yr old dd would be very welcome, especially from teachers or other parents of teenagers.
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We have withdrawn privileges like money, car use and mobile phone data from dd after she repeatedly lied to us. This was serious stuff and she is not showing genuine remorse, although of course wants her privileges back.
In the ensuing, difficult, discussion, it emerged she hates me and dh, thinks I'm too controlling, she feels we praise elder ds more and she can't wait to leave home. She also thinks we're forcing her to go to university (we're not, in fact we think she would benefit from taking time out after A'levels as she clearly isn't sure what she wants to do).
Her mental and physical health isn't great - she has a hidden disability which she hides from her friends, was recently diagnosed with a minor learning disability, and also is missing her brother who is at university abroad. She also appears to have an eating disorder.
She is going to see a counsellor (this is private to her so I don't know when), and I have spoken to her sixth form mentor who was going to explore options around post sixth-form life with her. Obviously we don't want her to become a NEET so she needs a plan.
She's barely speaking to dh and I, and we feel she needs to earn her privileges back, while at the same time supporting her to improve her self esteem and set goals. She did talk to her doctor about six weeks ago, who identified many changes in her life and advised her to find new interests.
The good thing is, she's going to school, working for her exams (she has some AS level resits coming up), and has good friends . She does lack focus though and much prefers socialising over spending more time studying.
I guess the advice we are looking for is how me and dh take it from here and rebuild trust on both sides. She is bright and we were horrified at how manipulative she was when she was lyong to us, so this is going to be hard and take time.
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Supporting teen & Rebuilding trust after lies
16 replies
Gallen · 14/11/2013 10:05
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