Parents who never give lifts!

(46 Posts)
bakehouse Tue 29-Oct-13 12:52:08

Does anyone else get annoyed with other parents who never give lifts anywhere or am I just being extremely grumpy! For example today DD and friends have gone off to a theme park for the day, a good hours drive away. As usual the same mum has taken four of the girls including my DD and I'm picking up, including her DD. The other two girls parents never even offer but just expect a lift. One of them works (but could still do the late pick up), the other doesn't but seems to always be 'busy' even though the trip was planned weeks in advance! It's the same if the girls go swimming, or shopping or even need picking up from a school sports fixture. I've made a stand before now and refused to take them but it just ends up that they then won't go at all and the trip is cancelled. DD is good friends with the other girls too so wants them to be there and it's really not the girls fault anyway. So annoying!!!

We don't give lifts, as we don't have a car - but we do offer to pay for a taxi for the girls to share every now and then.

NandH Tue 29-Oct-13 12:57:49

Im not in your position yet mine are a lot younger, but my mum was like that growing up, she never gave us lifts! I always felt really uncomfortable and unfair on my friends mums. We also lived in the middle of know where so I thought mum was harsh never taking us anyway aswell! I will always give lifts to my dc and their friends smile

BrigitBigKnickers Tue 29-Oct-13 13:09:03

I understand your frustration. I gave one of DDs(14) friends a lift to a rehearsal every week for ten weeks- fair enough as her mum worked and I was going anyway (in fact this girl would not have been able to take part in this show as she would have had no other way of getting there.)

I then accompanied both of them to see a concert at Wembley in London (in fact I bought the tickets and had to wait three months for her friend to pay me back.) I then hung around until it was over and we drove them home. She came back to our house afterwards and stayed the night.

OK so perhaps her mum works but in all this time I never once had a word of thanks from her. In a similar situation I would at the very least make myself known to the mum- text or phone her to thank her,offer petrol money etc.

Nope-Not a dicky bird.

And yes she does drive and does have a car.

Some people must just have no different standards...

chocoluvva Tue 29-Oct-13 13:16:49

Aw - that's unfair.

Also parents who let their DCs hang out for the whole of Saturday probably not realising that we're feeding their DC nearly every Saturday. And then they don't run them home until later than they say they will. grrr

JustAnotherFucker Tue 29-Oct-13 13:31:16

I've started clamping down on this too lately. It is so annoying but luckily dd can see it herself and doesn't mind.

I wouldn't even expect a 50/50 reciprocal arrangement for most of it tbh, just an acknowledgment of the amount it bloody costs me in petrol/tickets etc for dds mates and an offer towards the cost.

One girl turned up at a pre-arranged meet up to go to the cinema with no money!! Seems that as I was giving the lift her parents thought I was paying too... the girls are all 13/14. I didn't pay but apparently the others had a whip round and paid her in hmm

chocoluvva Tue 29-Oct-13 14:02:04

I wouldn't expect a 50/50 reciprocal arrangement either but there comes a point.....

bakehouse Tue 29-Oct-13 14:17:25

No neither would I expect a totally 50/50 arrangement but a phone call to ask if I minded taking so and so wherever today would be nice or even a thank you! I would never dream of expecting someone else to ferry any of my three about, funny how others think nothing of it though!

I don't drive but as we live in London this is not really a problem as all the kids have free bus travel and use public transport to get everywhere. However if they are being taken by another parent to theme park, i always offer to chip in for petrol, or send extra money for a drink for all the kids.

stillenacht Tue 29-Oct-13 19:41:41

I know its prob not the same but I often have to rely on other parents to bring DS1 home (am on Friday) because of DS2s autism, he freaks out if we go somewhere not in his usual daily routine (eg picking up DS1 from a friends house). DS1 is going to a Halloween farm thingy on Friday with some friends but I told him he can only go if another parent brings him home otherwise I would be in for insane anxiety and screaming from DS2. I feel really bad I have to take all the time from other parents. I hope they are ok with it.

OverMyDeadQODdy Tue 29-Oct-13 21:43:49

I took dd and 2 friends to a theme park today, one of their dads had to bring her about 25 miles to the 3rd girls house, so fair enough, he did his bit.
The 2nd one, I went 20 mins out of our way to get her, took them there, picked them up, back to her house.
As I pulled up over their drive, her mum got in from work so I pulled forward.
The girls then showed me their photos and were really nice and funny and chatty and said thanks so much and blah blah
The girls mum juts went in the house, as I turned round the car to leave, she came out again, went in the boot of her car for something and didn't even acknowledge me!
Rude!!

OverMyDeadQODdy Tue 29-Oct-13 21:44:23

Stillenacht, I would never begrudge that, I'm sure your DS explains

yourlittlesecret Wed 30-Oct-13 15:21:41

We are the local taxi service.
I accept that one of the prices to pay for living in a village in the sticks is that you Do Lots of Lifts.
Of DS1's friends almost none of the other parents do lifts. I have taken some of his friends all over the place, particularly the very late night ones. He is 17. He can drive now but I don't allow him to give lifts to groups of boys.
I wouldn't mind at all if I knew there was any reason for the other parents not to bother but there isn't.
Among DS2s group there are some who do but most don't.
Sigh.

impty Wed 30-Oct-13 15:28:53

I once inquired how x would get into town. "Oh can you take her as she doesn't like to get the bus?"

She is 16, with a mum with a car, at home and my dd was getting the bus into town to meet her. I declined to do that-only for x's mum to be cross about it. Luckily I don't care! Pfft.

LCHammer Wed 30-Oct-13 15:33:07

DS (14) organises his social life at very short notice and with minimal regard for what we or his siblings have planned. So he has to go places by public transport. If he gets a lift from other parents that's fine. A bit embarrassing that we don't offer but we would if he'd actually plan things together.

JimmyCorpseHell Wed 30-Oct-13 15:44:34

My parents were like this blush. We also lived in the middle of nowhere so it was even more obvious. I have slept over at friends houses/eaten family meals with them/been taxied around with NO reciprocation. I was very aware of it and often avoided events so I wasn't taking the p*%s. Luckily I had great friends who always included me, and their parents never rarely made me feel guilty. I will NEVER do this to my kids. It's horrible.

chocolatespiders Wed 30-Oct-13 15:49:37

I feel your pain, I always get lumbered with the late pick up even though I am single parent and have to carry younger dd to car to pick up teenage dd. I guess i dont have to but would rather do it than worry about dd getting home

yourlittlesecret Wed 30-Oct-13 15:52:10

So he has to go places by public transport.
If only we had such a thing. There is a school bus and a college bus. That's it though.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Wed 30-Oct-13 15:55:32

I'm similar to lchammer in that a lot of the time I expect my teenager to walk or catch the bus/train (which they're quite happy to) so if they are offered a lift then I don't feel the need to make sure it's reciprocated, though obviously for other stuff I'd try to help out if I could just to be nice

muppetthecow Wed 30-Oct-13 16:03:17

We don't have a car so are reliant on lifts for things off the bus-route. I always offer to pay for parking/lunch/chip in for petrol. I hate being unable to return the favour! I wouldn't dream of not trying to repay their generosity in some other way confused

Mum was the local teen taxi when I was younger and there was one girl (dancing school friend) who was always in the shows etc and needed a lift, but was always late. Even if you told her an earlier time. Her mother never once said sorry/thank you, but Mum felt it was unfair on the girl to stop offering. I think that's why I'm so careful not to take lifts for granted. well, that and manners

wakemeupnow Wed 30-Oct-13 16:28:47

My parents never drove me anywhere.. I overcompensate by driving My Dc and their mates everywhere confused

BackforGood Wed 30-Oct-13 16:42:05

If I'm going somewhere with one of my dc, then, tbh, I'd as soon take a car full as not. I don't count up who does and doesn't contribute. ds happens to be friends with quite a lot of lads whose parents don't have cars, so it's been very skewed over the years, but I believe these things all come out in the wash over time.

fieldfare Wed 30-Oct-13 17:05:00

We're not quite at that stage yet but I grew up in the sticks with my Mum ferrying me about, so of course I'll be doing it for my dd in the future.

FernieB Wed 30-Oct-13 18:31:31

With the friends my DDs have now things are fairly equal. They did used to walk home from school with a girl who was always happy to have a lift if I collected them (in heavy rain) but if her mum went to collect them, she only gave her DD a lift. Wound up my DDs to such a point they aren't really friends now. My DDs also ditched a friend who was constantly coming round just before meals and at the weekends. They were never invited back and the one occasion they were invited round they were told to bring their own picnic confused

usualsuspect Wed 30-Oct-13 18:35:05

Mine caught buses or walked.

I don't think teenagers need ferrying about everywhere.

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