I am new to this website but really need some support. I have 4 kids 20, 17, 14 and 9. I am having a difficult time with my 17 yr old, my son who is 19 is developmentally disabled so this is my first time going through some teenage issues. Not to say that my 19 yr old hasn't caused us grief either. My biggest hurdle is how do you find the strength to follow through with tough love punishment? My 17 yr old in the las 4 month has told us he is not going to uni, got a girl pregnant, she had a termination ( that was a different set of emotions for me) and now this weekend stayed out all night and point blank refused to come home. My problem is giving him a punishment that I feel is fair but then I feel guilty, blame myself, if I had been a better parent this would never happen type of thing. The end result is I give in. Yesterday we told him we were through giving him a good life without any appreciation. He is very disrespectful particularly to me. Anyway my problem is the guilt so how do you all cope?
What are you punishing him for ? Is it the staying out all night . What does he plan to do if he's not going to uni as that in itself is not a big issue if he has other plans . Personally I work on not getting into arguments as when they're over 16 there is a limit to what you can do so its easier to not go there by having a compromise . Eg I don't allow 'friends ' to sleep over so if my son wants to stay out all night as long as I know in advance then that's fine .
Our rule is that he could stay overnight at friends if we knew in advance. The problem was that we were dealing with this at 2am and the refusal to come home. As I am sure you can imagine it is the attitude and disrespectful way it was said. I have spoken with him today and we have agreed that he can stay out till 11 during the week and 2 am weekends. I told him that I was having a hard time letting go so we agreed to both be respectful and courteous. I said that I will work on my own fears and give him his space and he agreed to abide by the times which he thought was fair and let me know where he is going. With regards to uni after reading many of the posts I have realized that I have to let go of what I had wanted for him. His plan is to go to college, which I am fine with. It has just been a hard few months and it just seems as though he has caused the family a lot of upset. Again after going rough the posts I realize that just the mere fact that we are still communicating is a huge plus.