Do you monitor your child on Facebook

(12 Posts)
Wills Thu 10-Oct-13 17:36:54

The day my daughter turned thirteen she'd logged into facebook and created herself an account before I'd even got up! We reached a sort of standoff position in that I asked her to make a friend so I could make sure she didn't get into any difficulty. I've not really kept a massive eye on her, quite the opposite, she's almost 13yrs 9 months and I've only just cottoned on to the fact that having invited me and her grandparents she promptly set up another facebook account quietly on the sly. Stupid me, but I was trying to oversee her safety whilst not making her feel too smothered. Now with this knowledge, what would you do? Oh and by the way she's High functioning Autistic i.e. very bright but the downside is shes incredibly trusting and rather naive.

Springcleanish Thu 10-Oct-13 17:45:55

Absolutely. I hold the password and routinely check messages. I also google his Ask FM and DS 14 knows that if I suspect anything like alternative accounts I wil confiscate phone and Xbox and go through those too. His alternative - we cut off wifi and phone contracts. Children find it really difficult to comprehend that anything they put on line is visible to all and can be usd against them. There have already been a few times when I've alerted him to how comments and pictures could be received.
They are children, and as a parent I think I have a duty to protect my children from online danger as much as physical or emotional danger. If I can't see what he's doing, how do I encourage responsible use?

Not really anymore but my daughter until she was about 16, i had her passwords and checked quite often as she had some issues going on and was making very bad choices online, she also created a fake account but i found her and made her delete it, she has two now but that's mainly to save the grandparents having to read all her friends swearing and boy angst. My son not really at all he wasn't bothered by facebook, i did check for the first year or so he had it, im his friend and can see what hes up to but hes 19 now so an adult.

CharlieAlphaKiloEcho Thu 10-Oct-13 18:52:24

Yes. I have the password so she cannot log in at friends etc. I check her account and messages every so often.

I think if she set up a secret account I'd be confiscating her phone/laptop etc and only allowing supervised wi fi for homework.

Too much heartache can be caused by bullying via social media. I've seen too many grieving parents saying they had no idea their child was having a hard time.

I know my sons' passwords and I log in every so often to see what's going on. To be honest they rarely use it so I am mostly checking up on their friends! grin

In your situation, I'd make her aware, without being angry, that you know about the extra account and that she is being unfair and going against what was agreed. I'd point out again what the dangers are and try to keep the communication lines open without making a big deal. there is nothing worse than feeling someone is on your back and being nosy to make you want to shut them out. I'd agree to not being her "friend" if she agrees to listen to you and to let you know what is happening.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Fri 11-Oct-13 15:47:27

My DDs just getting to the Social Medis stage and we've already agreed the rules:

All online activity/devices in family areas of the home.

FB/Twitter account security set so that only people she 'approves' can see what she posts.

If requested, she will allow me to log in and look at her direct messages/texts etc. refusal will result in loss of Internet access.

She accepts my request to follow/friend her - refusal or deletion will lead to loss of Internet access which has to be earned back.

Duplicate accounts are forbidden - if discovered, loss if Internet access as above.

I will not comment online on her wall/feed at any time.

I will only discuss her online activity with her in RL if I believe she is at risk - her language, subject matter, friends etc are off limits as topics of conversation.

nomorecrumbs Fri 11-Oct-13 15:51:06

Keep the laptop/computer in a public place and don't let her use her phone at school/in bed.

bigTillyMint Fri 11-Oct-13 16:33:18

DD has had FB since just before she turned 13. She made me a friend so I see all her friends and posts on her wall.
I do not want her password - I feel that would be like reading her diary. I trust her to come to me/DH if there is a problem, which she has on occasion.
Initially she was posting a fair bit, but now it is just the messaging that they use, and less and less (BBM seems to be used more)

DS turns 13 in a few months - it will be the same rules for him.

MaddAddam Sat 12-Oct-13 14:34:53

I do know my 13yo's password and every now and then I go in and check it. I'm not really worried about her doing anything stupid, she's not a problematic teen (yet!), but I have less confidence in what other teens might be posting to her. This was the agreement when she set it up (at 12 3/4) when her friends were all using it. She hasn't complained, if she did I might just let her use it unmonitored, after a year of checking what's going on.
If I found she was using another facebook account (or my 12yo was using it) I would probably take away the laptop which is the main access point, mine don't have smartphones at the moment which makes it easier.

I'm not really bothered about what my 12 and 13 yo post and do online, I mostly trust them, it's more a more general knowledge of what can happen online which concerns me - bullying, grooming etc. I think that makes it a bit easier for my dds not to mind my lurking behind them online as they know that's what I'm looking out for, not because I don't want them to have any privacy to chat to their friends.

purpleroses Sat 12-Oct-13 19:25:43

I am friends with DS (13) and am fairly sure I see what he posts. Ocasionally look over his shoulder to check.

But don't assume you can always see what they post by being their friends. It's possible to set up different categories of friends on fb (like colleagues) who don't get to see your posts. DSD has me as a friend but am fairly sure restricts me like that as I can see photos and other people's posts that mention her only - not anything she posts herself.

naturephoto19 Sat 12-Oct-13 19:54:55

My DD is 14.5 I have access to her Facebook I check her account on a regular basis and even block people mainly boys who are being inappropriate My DS knows this and we talk openly about things too.
it was my terms and conditions of her being allowed of FB.

flow4 Sat 12-Oct-13 23:22:43

I don't, but I insisted that DS2 (13) let me be his 'friend', and he is only allowed 'friends' whom he has actually met in real life.

That said, if I ever discovered he had created a duplicate account to hide things from me, I would remove all of his online access faster than he could say 'Facebook'!

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