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condoms for my dd1 and her boyfriend??(71 Posts)
She's been in a relationship for a few months now and they are thinking about sleeping together.Some people won't agree with me here but I think I need to help them out before it happens....He is 16 and she is 15 and,rightly or wrongly,I feel the need to make sure they are protected.She's told me that they are both too embarrassed to get some condoms so I said I would get her some to discreetly keep in her handbag just incase things started to 'happen'.Embarrassingly for me, (45 with 3 teenage kids!), I have NEVER bought condoms in my life!!! What should I get her for 'starters'?? HELP!!!
I would talk to her & explain to her that you don't want her to go through with it. However, I would then say that if she still wants to go through with it then you will take her to a gp/clinic. Explain how if she wants to have sex then she needs to do It protected.. Sorry if you have already decided it won't show me the second page..
She is underage. Be a parent and stop trying to be all liberal and cool would be my advice
Being "all liberal and cool" doesn't come in to it. Being realistic and pragmatic does.
Your advice won't be of much will it CressidaMontgomery if the OP follows it and her DD comes to her to tell her she's pregnant or has an STD, or worse still, both, will it?
How about you wising up to the fact that underage kids have sex whether you like it or not?
Thankfully schools don't have your head in the sand attitude and educate children about condoms and give out "C" cards so they can get them if they need them.
Telling kids that sex under age is against the law tends not to be a very effective form of contraception.
Yes there are a lot of risks when having sex; risk of pregnancy, sti's, regrets, emotional and physical hurt. But in the melly of reminding our kids the bad things that can happen, I think we forget that we also need to remind them that sex with other people can be a lot of fun and that it is to be enjoyed. For both genders.
I can't believe how many people are saying have a talk to her and tell her her boyfriend will get in trouble with the police, you are encouraging her etc etc
The police wouldn't give two hoots about a 16 year old having consenting sex with his 15 year old girlfriend
They are obviously considering having sex
if they haven't done it already and asking for condoms is very sensible
I'm sure the op isn't saying 'of course darling, I'll sort it out, should I get you some candles etc and make myself scarce for the evening'
The reality, whether we like it or not is that teens have sex
We all have the benefit of hindsight and realise that 15 years old is too young but a 15 year old doesn't have that -they live in the here and now
IMO it's our jobs as parents to guide the decision and make sure they have all the info available to make informed choices even if we
know believe its the wrong one
Ridiculous that people think a 15 year old girl will not have sex because her mum hasn't bought her condoms... she'll do it anyway if she wants to, but wouldn't it be safer with condoms?
I'd suggest making an appointment for her at the family planning clinic, to go on the Pill/injection, but I'd also recommend condoms to prevent STDs as much as possible.
Don't leave her to just rely on condoms - my current situation is proof that when you only use condoms, all you have to do is get carried away once, forget to use one and the rest of your life has changed. I'm 19, and I'm handling it ok, but I wouldn't have been able to cope with this two years ago, never mind at fifteen, and my parents have struggled too.
TBH - preganancy is the least of the problem out there these days.
Hepatitis and HIV. Syphillis is on the increase and if not caught in the first phase you are fucked - thats a killer too. Catch any of these atany time is not good but the younger you catch them means the longer battle ahead.
I agree that kids will do it when they want to despite laws, parents etc so yes it is responsible to have condoms but I dont think I would be handing them out to my DD myself. Instead I would be making an appointment for her at the FPC and making sure she goes and even offer to go with her. If she is old enough to be having sex then in my mind she is old enough to learn to deal with her sexual health her self. By that I dont mean I would just leave her to get sorted on her own but guide her into taking responsibility for herself.
Not sure just throwing condoms at kids and hoping for the best is good parctice on its own. They need to learn they are entering a new phase in their life that involves some adult type responsibility - hence being guided on how to do that for themselves.
Totally agree JustThis, it's all very well for certain posters to be naive but of course it's that kind of ignorance that will lead to their child maybe ending up pregnant or worse.
Just because parents actually speak to their teens & buy them condoms does not mean in any way they agree with it. All it means is that they are there for their child and are helping them prevent pregnancy and stis should they go ahead with having sex.
Fuck sake! There are some ridiculous people on this thread. Illegal? Not mature enough? Bla Bla Bla. None of this will stop them!
THIS IS WHY SO MANY TEENAGERS GET PREGNANT
May I just remind you that the law of consent say that it is Illegil for any youngperson under the age of 16 to have any sexual intercourse. By providing your child with condoms your not only breaking the law, but encouraging them to break it too
that is not going to stop them doing it is it?
Surely any mother would want her child to be protected?
My 13 year old son tells me that some kids have 'yellow cards' which mean they can collect free condoms from the school nurse. Some have been using the service since they were 11-12, though (says my son) most don't until they're 15-16.
It's not illegal and parents don't even need to be told.
This service operates in most English secondary schools. Apparently it's needed because too many parents are in denial about teenagers and sex.
Allmums what is the alternative? I think op is being sensible, and by doing what she is doing, she is protecting her daughter from hiv, various other sexual diseases and pregnancy.
Being naive about this will not stop a 15yo having sex and lecturing her about it won't either!
or weren't having sex at 15 themselves adeucalione
at 15 it's way more embarrassing to walk into boots and buy a pack of condoms than have a quiet private conversation with a health care professional. the op's dd doesn't sound immature at all. she sounds fab, as does the op. of course she'll provide as many condoms as her dd needs and won't dock her pocket money flirty. how ridiculous. condoms are healthcare - do you dock your kids pocket money when they need a new tube of toothpaste or a packet of plasters?
According to the Family Planning Association it is not illegal to provide contraception to under 16s and the laws surrounding the age of consent are not designed to prosecute mutually consenting teens who are over 13.
I suspect that those posters who are shocked by the OP either have younger children or 15yo children who are not in a relationship yet.
Its a shame your daughter is so embarrsed to provide herself with condoms if she wants to have sex.
I hope you have explained to her that once she becomes sexually active she will probably need to be able to discuss the fact she is sexually active with a Dr at somepoint.
Its standard practice for any pharmacist, nurse or GP to ask girls of menstruating age questions about the probability of being pregnant before making any diagnosis or dishing out any meds. Thats usually just the opening question. God forbid she may get asked more questions.
I am no prude and although I admire your efforts to protect your daughter she sounds rather immature.
I really dont think young girls having sex realise the implications. She needs to be mature enough to get over her embarrassment and deal with her own sex life and all the implications that go with it.
How many condoms did yiou buy? What will she do if/when they run out? Put in another with you??? How often are you happy to supply them? What if they are horny as hell and you need to order in bulk on a weekly basis - will you dock her pocket money??
She needs to grow up and I am all for having open relationships and discussions but that should include guiding her to manage her own sex life and be aware of the implications and questions she may be asked by health professionals even if she pops to the GP for a common cold.
She needs to go to a FPC and have a chat there imo. Chucking condoms at her with little else is not really support imo.
Sorry I meant 'Is supplying condoms to a 15 year old actually illegal'. Obviously.
Is supplying condoms to a 15 year old with condoms actually illegal?
It may be the law for under 16s to have sex AllMums but like it or not underage sex happens and we as parents need to realise that.
It is not illegal to give condoms to under 16s- if it was then the family planning clinic would be in serious trouble- not to mention those machines in toilets or any shops that sell them.
May I just remind you that the law of consent say that it is Illegil for any youngperson under the age of 16 to have any sexual intercourse. By providing your child with condoms your not only breaking the law, but encouraging them to break it too.
Condomania teens have been having sex and babies since the beginning of human existance. Teens having babies is not a new thing and your great grandmother will have been one of many many girls having babies before the magic age of 16- its just that it's more talked about now than it was 100 years ago (which was very much still victorian in it's attitudes to sex. Teens will have sex- they are programmed to have sex and babies in their teens and most will try it (the sex, not the babies) the best you can do is arm them with all the facts and the self confidence they need to say no when they dont want it. The decision is theirs.
But if he does, the OPs preparation will have been in vain.
I'm sure if he has a latex allergy he can work that out for himself without the op asking him.
I assumed her mother would know that though.
Not just her boyfriend; she could have one too. Latex-free condoms are also available free from sexual health clinics, but oddly they hand them out in much smaller numbers, as if people with latex allergies won't want sex so often!
As an aside, you might want to get her to check her boyfriend doesn't have a latex allergy!
I just put them in my bathroom cupboard and let my sons know they were there.
When I was a teenager, my boyfriend's mum was a family planning doctor with three kids who all became teenagers within a few years! She had a drawer in the kitchen which she filled with condoms, plus a couple of doses of the morning after pill... It was very unusual back then, but always struck me as very sensible.
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