What have you learnt not to do when you have teenagers?

(42 Posts)
KatyPutTheCuttleOn Wed 02-Oct-13 21:14:29

1. Don't ask rhetorical questions - they might get answered and you might not like the answer! Cue angry teenager, stressed mother and then tears on part of unhappy teenager.

What have you learnt not to do when parenting teenagers?

louby44 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:17:23

Don't take the eye rolling and mumbling/ muttering seriously. Infact ignore it.

And WHEN they actually want to talk, make time and listen! It may be a long time till they feel the need again!

Sweat the small stuff.. grumps, grunting and dirty laundry!

Four teens and many grey hairs later I have learned to hang on and have faith that despite hellish times (Ds1 did everything.. stole, lied, weed, smashed the house) they can come out the other side!!

DS1 is now 20, in a job working with adult who have mental health problems, has a girlfriend, pays rent, doesn't smoke anymore...and is the lovely guy I always hoped he would be!!

I have had to learn patience, and to control my own firey temper! I have had to learn when to wait for them to come to me, and when to leap in to help. When to keep a watchful eye and offer reminders of our complete love for them no matter what.

And never ever open a snap chat pic grin

SilverApples Sat 05-Oct-13 00:36:27

Don't talk about big stuff until after food.
Don't get angry about everything, be selective.
Don't get pissed off at the empty packets of biscuits in their bin, it could be crack and meths instead of Oreos.
Don't drag shit from one day to the next if you can possibly avoid it.
Don't panic, thet are very young still and it's OK not to have a clue what you want to do, and to change your mind.

NoComet Sat 05-Oct-13 00:44:00

Not expect them to be any trouble.
There is a lot of depressing clap trap written about teens, the ones I know are lovely.

If you just carry on as you have always done, but giving them gradually more freedom, you will be fine.

They don't suddenly become different people, they don't suddenly have the right to live in a pig stye or for you not to wander in and out their rooms. Things don't suddenly change on a child's 12,13 or 15 birthday. They still live in the house just as they always did.

And, despite being a biologist, I don't hold much truck with this brain rewiring stuff. The teens I know best would no more contemplate stupid impulsive behaviour now as when they were 10.

As DD1(15) says rebelling and falling out with your parents is a stupid waste of time grin

CoolStoryBro Sat 05-Oct-13 00:46:22

I totally second feed first, talk after! It's my entire life mantra at the moment.

viperslast Sat 05-Oct-13 00:50:24

Don't breath, speak, move, question, answer, ignore, respond or, in fact, exist. It's rather like having a new born and a toddler mixed.

However a split second later you will be talking to the most intelligent, interesting, compassionate, engaged and generally wonderful person you have had the privilege to meet.

Teens are a blast, buckle up, enjoy the ride and don't get hung up on the little bumps in the road.

Always assume that the smoke alarm going off at midnight is your teenage son grilling bacon grin

Oh and vomit does come out of the car footwell when you pick up a legless daughter from a night out......

peanutMD Sat 05-Oct-13 01:10:51

i don't have a teen but my 18yo brother pretty much puts me off letting my 2 out the door when they are teens.

Do Not ask what he had been doing recently as he will respond with names of who...

Do Not ask what the bag he is trying to smuggle upstairs contains as he will quite happily show you something you do not want to see...

Do Not expect a meaningful conversation rather expect some grunting and tapping at his phone...

DO remember that there is a lovely, sweet, caring person under that disrespectful and un-shitgiving exterior and that one day they will come out again sad

RhondaJean Sat 05-Oct-13 01:20:51

Don't expect to have done anything right.

Do expect that just when you least expect it they will come up and put their arms round you and you will remember why parenting is worth it all.

OldBagWantsNewBag Sat 05-Oct-13 03:01:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chottie Sat 05-Oct-13 06:18:54

Never, ever let them leave the house without giving them a hug and telling them you love them smile

Chottie Sat 05-Oct-13 06:19:40

Sorry misread title of this post!!!

Never miss an opportunity to talk. If they sidle up to you and open a conversation when you are busy, drop everything and listen.
Medusa I've always resisted opening a snapchat pic, now you have tempted me.....

wigglybeezer Sat 05-Oct-13 14:28:02

Never tease them, they can't handle it.

Cohomological Mon 07-Oct-13 21:38:38

Set light to them.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 08-Oct-13 14:16:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoComet Tue 08-Oct-13 15:10:26

wigglybeezer "Never tease them, they can't handle it"

That's nothing to do with being a teen. It's never been safe to tease DD2 without wearing a full bomb disposal safety suit.

wigglybeezer Tue 08-Oct-13 20:12:48

It's annoying isn't, they do and say such amusing things ( unintentionally usually) but they take themselves so seriously.

Lex12 Tue 08-Oct-13 20:59:19

Leave money/valuables anywhere hmm

Lex12 Tue 08-Oct-13 21:00:34

Oh and ask who Trevor from GTA is smile

LittleMissWise Tue 08-Oct-13 21:06:33

I agree with don't sweat the small stuff. Always pick your battles, if you pick on everything they do they won't listen when you really need them to.

Don't say " I might have an Anne Hathaway haircut" because they might reply "you'll look more Judy Dench, than Anne Hathaway!"grin
<yes DS1 I am looking at you!>

oxford3 Sun 13-Oct-13 15:04:50

Never slag off other people's teens because you never know what your own might get up to one day.

Always expect to need more toilet roll - more than you could ever imagine possible.

Don't ever expect there to be any bread, cheese, apples, orange juice or anything sweet left when you need/want them.

Don't ask how their day was until they've had something to eat.

Cerisier Sun 13-Oct-13 15:18:34

I have learnt not to be surprised or judgemental about anything they (or their friends) say or do. I now surprise myself with my calmness and unflappability. It means discussions don't get nipped in the bud and consequences and motivations can be teased out. It is all fascinating and I love it. Teens are fab!

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