17 DD doing drugs

(12 Posts)
sturdygirlwobble Mon 30-Sep-13 10:36:33

Have been on this thread previously (17 yr old dd staying out all night) and had some fantastic advice. Help, now we think the reason she is staying out is because she is taking drugs. Have previously mentioned she started hanging round with some total nohoper, who we know does weed, and have previously noticed dilated pupils when she got home, and asked her why. Am trying detach method, but want some advice as to wether we should ignore or confront? Her dad is normally calm and wise, but is ready to go confront this lad and probably do something stupid. Have re read all the good advice but am struggling re the drugs thing. She has stayed out in this lads house, and he has recently moved, and is living with a group of other lads that we know nothing about in a very rough part of town. Just dont know what is going through her head at the moment.

CeliaFate Mon 30-Sep-13 10:59:09

Will she talk to you? I don't have any experience, but my instinct tells me keep your friends close and your enemies closer - invite this lad to your house and say they can stay over there rather than at his place. Not ideal I know.
Frank has advice and helplines.

sturdygirlwobble Mon 30-Sep-13 11:37:22

No she won't talk to me or her dad and will deny it all if we confront her ...have tried previously. She says she is not going out with him and would be...in her words...weird to bring him round . She savy enough to know he looks total pot head. Having had the previous boyfriend practically live here she doesn't want us to get involved. Should we just act normal and let her get of out of system??? Worried she falling in with bad lad and bad crowd

BopsX3 Mon 30-Sep-13 11:44:40

I'm sorry you're going through this. At her age though there isn't really a lot you can do apart from confront her and make sure she knows the risks that come with drugs. Ultimately though she's going to do what she wants regardless of what you say.

I did this when I was 17, I was drinking, smoking and smoking weed. My dad would shout at me till he was blue in the face, he'd ground me, take my phone etc off me etc. But, when I was allowed out again I'd just go and the same thing again. I kind of "grew out" of the phase at about 19 though.

specialsubject Mon 30-Sep-13 18:31:02

tell her calmly to stop insulting your intelligence, that you know she is a druggie and in with a bad crowd. Make sure she is aware of the risks and that you are there to help if she wants it. That's all you can do really.

she needs to be clear of the risks of needles, unprotected sex, psychotic episodes from cannabis and all the other stuff that this 'lifestyle choice' brings.

hope her brain reconnects soon.

Some people do get dilated pupils with just drink. Is she grinding teeth along with it or anything? Frank might be a good place to start.

I must admit I did do the (clubbing) drug thing although I was a bit older. I don't know what you could say as a parent to make her stop. When you're that age you kind of have the attitude 'well if something happens to me be it on my own head' you don't think the consequences through and what it would do to your family if it did. I dread my own kids following in my footsteps.

flow4 Mon 30-Sep-13 22:00:53

Neither ignore nor confront, I'd say. My strong opinion is that your children are much safer if they feel they can talk to you about drugs, so it's wise to...
- acknowledge you know they're taking stuff;
- let them know you personally don't like it (assuming you don't) and give them your reasons but don't expect them to share your opinion;
- encourage them to make sure they're well informed about anything they take;
- emphasise they should never, ever take something if they don't know exactly what it is;
- make sure they know (and you really mean) that you will always, always help - not punish or shout - if they find themselves in a drug-related situation that worries them.

pixiegumboot Mon 30-Sep-13 22:12:43

‘doing drugs' is not smoking weed. she is not 'a druggie' anymore than a teenager drinking is an alcoholic. if in fact this what she is doing. emotive language does not help. I would however describe heroin, some legal highs this way.
make sure she knows she can call you, anytime, without sanction.

wakemeupnow Tue 01-Oct-13 09:22:54

There is very little you can do given her age. You just have to trust her to look after herself. I know this is hard.... Don't judge her or her friends and you will keep communication open, that way she will know she has your support if she needs it.

specialsubject Tue 01-Oct-13 10:12:52

weed is a drug. She is a druggie, i.e. one that takes drugs.

the stuff is illegal for a reason.

wakemeupnow Tue 01-Oct-13 10:36:00

labeling people is judgemental and unhelpful

BopsX3 Tue 01-Oct-13 10:44:17

I wouldn't say she's a 'druggie' unless she was extremely addicted, and even then I'd rather say an addict than a druggie. She possibly experimenting and it may or may not last long. I hope it doesn't though for her sake and your families sake.

I dated an addict (cannabis smoker) and it wasn't good sad he was paranoid, possessive, aggressive and violent. Especially when I wouldn't give him money to feed his habit.

I know that's probably not helpful, but your daughter needs to know what comes with prolonged drug use, aswell as the short term effects, risks and dangers

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