Teen on self destruct

[Lex12]

My once lovely 16yr old has gone off the rails spectacularly. He is out every night drinking,using drugs,won't adhere to any boundaries, is abusive and hostile unless getting his own way. He has stolen several hundred pounds from me and dp over a period of time, he was staying with my parents and took £400 pound over a two week period some of this was euros ready for a holiday. He is verbally and physically aggressive to his younger brother (14) and has on one occasion gone to hit me but I moved. I'm at a loss as to how to keep him from ruining his life. suggestions/advice please!! []

[Bunnygotwhacked]

I don't have teenagers but didn't want you to go unanswered and I was a teenager once a pretty bad one too.
My question would be that if this has happened recently? what has changed? it seems to me that he is very angry about something and feels it is out of his control. Has their been a recent bereavement/divorce/affair? Problems at school with exam results? gf issues? Is he worried about his next step in life what happens after school etc?
If you can find out that and it won't be easy you can start to sort the behavior

[Spidermama]

Lex I feel for you. I've just posted about my completely defiant, out of control, 13 year old. I feel so out of my depth and I don't know what to do.

I tell you what, Mumsnet's teenager threads are not very busy are they? I think the majority of people on here have younger kids. I think we need a new forum!

Not very helpful I know. Do you think your DS is an actual addict? I ask because of the stealing money thing. I hope not and that it's a phase he'll grow out of but perhaps it would be a good idea to look into how best to deal with an addict just so you're prepared.

My DS has also taken the 15 euros I had left in a kitchen drawer. It's because I won't give him cinema money and he just won't take 'no' for an answer whether it's me (who's house he lives in) or the teachers. GRRR!!

I can suggest this book for starters, but you're going to need another suggestion too by the sound of things.

Good luck.

[Lex12]

All seems to have started when he got in with a dodgy crowd at school last Christmas . Ive Been divorced since he was 11 and are both re-married. Lots of probs when in school bunking off etc since Christmas, before that no trouble. He has no remorse for the things he's done just carries on as if nothing has happened, eg went out in early hours after coming back earlier, had people looking for him then phones at half eight in the morning for a lift home! Still don't know for sure where he was. Told my mum he'd spent the money on lots of alcohol, ciggies and drugs for his friends then yelled at her to F off in the street. We lock our bedroom when not in it so stuff doesnt go missing. Take the keys to front and back door up to bed so there's some chance of us knowing he's at home, if he bothers to turn up. No way to reason with him or put boundaries in place as he runs off and won't listen just shouts abuse. Really hate living this way.

[Bunnygotwhacked]

I do feel for you perhaps if you repost this in chat with a link here you might get a few more responses and someone who knows what they are talking about evidently not me

[Sijeunessesavait]

Hi Lex
I don't have any specific advice to offer, but if you use advanced search to look for threads by Maryz and Flow4, both very wise women, you will find lots of help from them and others in similar situations.
x

[Lex12]

Thanks for pointers guys! he didn't come home on sat night/sun morning. Ended up reporting him to police as missing, he did eventually turn up and the officer who came to sight him was very good...gave him bollocking/advice about drink and drugs (nothing that I've not told him but good to come from someone else) took friends addresses and said his next stop was to the friends house he claimed to have been at all night to have a word with parents about allowing excessive underage drinking /supplying alcohol to children at their home. Officer also told ds that if he was reported missing again then his friends would be having police knocking on their doors in the early hours to look for him and if there were drink/drugs around they would be removed! Fingers crossed might make ds think a bit next time...

[Travelledtheworld]

Have just bumped Maryz's thread up for you, Lex12.
Hope there is some good advice for you there.

I am sure Flow will be along with advice soon, too.

[Gingin47]

I now this sounds stupid
But my 15 yr old son as been excluded from school
But has another school to go to an education centre
Have tried to get him them twice and won't go in
I get such abuse on the way there
Constantly swearing at me
So I have said he won't get all his pocket money
This week
He also has been given work now so I said do that
Do you think I am being out of order