Yes, I snooped, don't know whether I am glad I did or wish I hadn't, came across DS1's iPod where he had dropped it on the bathroom floor after exiting hurriedly from the shower when some family visitors arrived. It was playing an " interesting" video clip. I switched it off and handed it to him nonchalantly, I don't think he knows I saw the clip, I kept a very straight face. It niggled me though and when I next found his iPod, in his bed when I was changing the sheets, I looked at what was on the screen ( he had left to on again, par for the course ). It was one of those chat sites where teens show naked pictures of themselves, I saw his user name and later, after tussling with my conscience, I googled his user name to discover a couple of post where he had asked for a gay man to use him as a sex slave, thankfully unanswered. I do not have a problem with him being gay, if he is, but have a major problem with risky behaviour.
I also feel bad for being a bit naive about blocking access.
I am not going to confront him directly, a teen jumped off a bridge here recently when some online sexual activity threatened to come out.
I need to find a way to nip this activity in the bud and support him in dealing with emerging sexuality.
He is only just 15, I hate the sleaziness of the whole thing, feeling very sad but have to put a cheerful face on.
I'm wondering actually if its best to be honest. I found x. What's the story?
He could be gay. Equally someone else could be bullying him and uploaded for him. I mean right now you don't know anything. So I'd approach it as saw this, what's going on? Are you ok? You know I'd help you right?
I just wonder if there's now an elephant in the room between you. I'm not sure that's helpful.
He needs a frank and open discussion with someone. At fifteen he has no clue as to the kind of sick fuckers he could stumble across, the kind of people who would use his naiviety to get him to consent to all kinds of fucked up shit. If he is desiring to explore this sort of thing, it would be better for him to firstly wait until he is legally able and secondly find someone real, in his peer group who could be up for tg s type
This type of exploration. Whatever the deal with that, someone does need to explain to him about boundaries and consent and the ways in which he could end up being manipulated. Is there an uncle or an older cousin that calked be called on to have a semi-scripted discussion of that type?
Maybe talk to your son about the recent suicide in a roundabout way? Reassure him that he can tell you anything and that no matter what you will always support him and be there for him. Risky sexual behaviour occurs with hetrosexual young people, try not to make him feel bad because its a gay site ( unintentionally ). Your ds possibly being gay ( and he may not be ), and his online antics are two seperate issues.
I am usually all for being indirect, respecting privacy etc etc.
But not this time. I think you need to have a very open conversation here. Stay calm at all costs, but do tell him that you saw and explain about the dangers.
Imagine if you don't, imagine if something bad happens to him, how would he feel afterwards, when he is damaged and messed up and his life in tatters, if he finds out that "yes, I did know at the time, I could have warned you, but I didn't like to mention it".
Okay, slap me. But i would find that very funny. They really are ruled by their hormones (shudder to think of own DS). And I would have a long frank talk about the dangers. And "WHY didn't you tell me you were gay?!! " in a "I'm happy for you" tone of advice but also "Don't you realise that I'm here to help you out with tricky stuff in life." And apologise for invading his privacy but glad I did so we can be open about this now. I think that would work with mine.
Just the embarrassment of Mom finding out might be enough to ensure he deletes the account immediately.