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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

16yr old bedtime

27 replies

Roses12s · 19/06/2013 13:55

What's a normal time for teenagers to go to sleep in summer holidays? My son wants to stay up till 4am but I think that's unreasonable? I'm at work by day so he also not getting up till noon. No drug issues.

OP posts:

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teenagetantrums · 19/06/2013 14:39

To be honest as long as my 16 year old is in her room by about 11pm when i go to bed i dont mind how late she stays up in the holidays, yes she might sleep till midday but unless we have plans to go out it dosent bother me, more often than not i think she is asleep by about 1am. If she is tired she will take herself off to bed and sleep at 10pm.

MuchBrighterNow · 19/06/2013 14:39

If he doesn't have work to go to and he does all his chores etc. why not let him. Will he really stay up till 4 am ?

How about if you turn off wifi at night . We do this as I don't like the idea of all those invisible rays zapping us whilst we are sleeping he might find it a bit dull staying up all on his own after a while.

I think teens are naturally wired to keep the sort of hours your teen wants and IME forcing a bedtime at 16 will just create a battle. At some point we have to trust them to know what's good for themselves.

EGnHJsmum · 19/06/2013 14:41

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Childrenssleep/Pages/Howmuchsleep.aspx

it recommends most places that at that age its roughly 8-9 hours. I don't as yet have 16 year old (eek dreading it!) but I would say its unreasonable unless they are a none sleeper and getting up in the morning at a reasonable time 9ish and only need 5 hours all together.

I think I would say 'ok your are an adult (humour him) and a reasonable time for a adult would be midnight' unless its a special night out/in. what time do you go to bed?

livinginwonderland · 19/06/2013 20:08

I never had a bedtime at that age, especially over the holidays. As long as I was quiet when my parents went to bed, they didn't care. I normally stayed up until 2-3am watching movies or reading or on my laptop.

I didn't have drug issues I just liked sleeping in and that just meant I wasn't tired until the hours. I still got my 8 hours, so no big deal imo.

flow4 · 19/06/2013 20:48

At 16, I think the issue is not 'bedtime', but avoiding any noise that disturbs other occupants when they have gone to bed - especially parents who have to get up for work in the morning!

Most teenagers go through a nocturnal phase. They will naturally stay up until 1-2am, or even later, and then of course find it hard to get up in the morning. (Really, if our society liked teenagers better, they'd start school at about midday for teenagers! )

If you try to ban late nights, you will create lots of problems for your DS and yourself... You risk making late nights more exciting and tempting... No-one can sleep if they're not tired, and you can't make him sleep when you want him to... If you try, that will involve you having to stay up much later than you want to, to try to enforce it, and then becoming sleep-deprived yourself...!

Rather than having a 'bedtime', I think the rule needs to be something like "No noise between 11pm and 7am", or whatever hours suit your family as a whole.

Fressia · 19/06/2013 21:10

That sounds like a good idea flow 4 to say no noise 11-7 also I think generally by 1 you will prob find they fall asleep if in a quite atmosphere x

Roses12s · 19/06/2013 23:00

Hi

Thanks for all your advice.

We go to bed at 11pm. He is quiet and stays in his room playing games on his laptop with his mates. I suspose I worry about this virtual world. I am reassured that this is just another stage they go through and that it's not laying down bad behaviours for life. Suspose it's all part of the letting him make his own decisions even if they're crap different ones. I will go with the your an adult, stay quiet after we've gone to bed and don't wander the house. Thanks so much.

OP posts:

Turniptwirl · 19/06/2013 23:24

I agree that it's pointless to set a bedtime for a 16 year old. Better to agree on a time as a family after which there should be quiet. Be prepared for dc on summer holiday to demand you be quiet getting ready for work in the mornings so you don't wake them up!

Roses12s · 19/06/2013 23:39

That's a point if I'm really loud he might have to wake up and get up? I joke of course.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 19/06/2013 23:40

I used to sit up until mine turned his light off. Silly me, I was always exhausted getting up for work. He's 17 now, he's quite active so often switches off at a decent time, but not always. This morning I got up and all the kitchen/diner lights were on, in mid summer grrr fgs. Anyway, I would recommend just going to bed yourself.

Mine would not be allowed friends in though at that time of night or most other times either

shabbatheGreek · 19/06/2013 23:48

My nearly 16 year old (finished his last GCSE on Monday and officially left High school) fell asleep on the living room rug for about 2 hours until 8pm tonight

He was busy 'killing zombies' on his PS3 till about 3 am this morning and then was talking on Skype to the kids (same age as him) whose family own the hotel we go to in Rhodes, Greece, till Gawd knows when.

He is normally really quiet but I have had to go up twice in the last 10 minutes to tell him to please 'kill the zombies quietly'.

Oh the joys of being a 57 year old Mum to a 'suprise' 'massive shock' 'late in life baby!!!'

TheEarlOf · 19/06/2013 23:52

At that age I used to be up all night chatting to my friends on the computer (even on school nights :O). In the holidays my parents would go to work and I'd be left to my own devices, including getting up time. I did learn though and now go to bed earlier than all my family! I think it's just a teenage t hing.

What a cheek Turniptwirl for any DC to demand that. I would make sure to clatter about as loudly as possible

Monty27 · 20/06/2013 00:16

Shabbath you sound lovely, and congratulations :)

They are lovely teens, just tiring and...... lol :)

TheBuskersDog · 20/06/2013 00:34

EGnHJsmum

it recommends most places that at that age its roughly 8-9 hours. I don't as yet have 16 year old (eek dreading it!) but I would say its unreasonable unless they are a none sleeper and getting up in the morning at a reasonable time 9ish and only need 5 hours all together.

I think I would say 'ok your are an adult (humour him) and a reasonable time for a adult would be midnight' unless its a special night out/in. what time do you go to bed?

Sorry but it's really obvious you don't have a 16 year old, 9ish is not a reasonable time, it is the crack of dawn on a non-school day, especially when you've just finished your GCSEs I think mine surfaced around 1.30 pm today.

Monty27 · 20/06/2013 01:02

Teens getting up at 9am in the holidays? Who? Where? What? When? 5 hours sleep? How?

Don't know when mine surfaced. I was at work.

Eyesunderarock · 20/06/2013 01:09

I work on the 8-10 hours sleep.
Yes, mine are nocturnal in the holidays.

Cerisier · 20/06/2013 04:06

Mine are also nocturnal in the holidays. On school nights they head off for showers about 10.30pm (after lots of a few reminders).

Littleballofhate · 20/06/2013 04:17

My teens turn into vampyres during summer hols. We are a late to bed, late to rise family by habit, but my dc have seen the sun rise from the safety of their bedrooms a fair few times. I don't mind at all. These years are fleeting.

Roses12s · 20/06/2013 07:19

Thanks all. You have saved an unnecessary argument between me & son. It is a fleeting time of zero responsibility until the next round of exams. I knew you this was the place to come for sound advice.

OP posts:

Turniptwirl · 20/06/2013 07:55

Oh I know, I'm not saying to agree to tiptoe around til noon for your sleeping baby teen

Just that OP should be prepared for it!

Tortoise · 20/06/2013 08:08

I send mine up around 11. He's not allowed his laptop though. I don't think gaming all night is good. I still limit the amount of pc/laptop/Xbox time he has.

middleagedspread · 20/06/2013 08:23

Exams are over. They've worked hard I hope so I'm offering a bit of slack. Although staying in bed until 1pm seems a tad excessive.

Just don't wake me up faffing about in the bathroom after 10.30pm or the hoover will be on outside your door at 8am.

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Yonihadtoask · 20/06/2013 08:38

DS is 15 and spends most of his time in his room anyway. ? However he knows that we (me and DH) go to bed quite early, so he has to be quiet .

DSS is 16 and really doesn't want to go up tp his room when we go to bed, even though he has laptop, tv, I pod in there. He will DP if pressed. I prefer to lock up and switch off all downstairs lights myself otherwise they do get left on.

It's a tricky one, and is the age at which you have to let then learn to manage their own sleep patterns . However, they have to take the test of the household onto consideration.

at 16 I was out clubbing most nights until the early hours, so I really don't have a leg tp stand on..

scherazadey · 20/06/2013 09:41

What does it matter what time they sleep if its in the holidays? That's what great about the holidays, no stressing about stuff like that.Don't quite see the problem....

orangeandemons · 20/06/2013 09:48

What's the problem? Ds was like, now at uni and still like it. He leads a nocturnal life and good on him. If they can't do it at 16 when can they? It's better than being out until all hours, at least you know where they are....

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