Anger management for 13 yr old daughter

[katyclogg]

My daughter is a typical teenage girl, 'the phone' 'the music' 'the mates'.
Very popular, sporty, and quite smart. Basically a good girl so far and I think I can trust her to make good choices most of the time.
She is also really horrid to me....normal ;One question is nagging, 2 questions and she gets really cross.

She admits that she cant control this strong emotion and wants me to find help for her from i.e. docs/ professionals.
She's not violent, she asks my advice sometimes, but the rest of the time she seems to resent any exchange of words with me.

I do try to make allowances for her stage of development but I cant let her get away with doing what she chooses (or not) and where she can be absolutely lovely to others she is most hateful and disrespectful to me (and her dad often). It is hurtful being treated like dirt by her. I am very proud of her but dislike her so much sometimes.
Is there the help she asks for. I don't think our doctor would be much use? Help!

[Madamecastafiore]

Do you punish her for her rudeness?

[katyclogg]

I tell her I cant accept this treatment and don't deserve it. I set boundaries and tasks and ground her, take her phone away some times. I refuse to take her somewhere if she continues with HER ATTITUDE

[Madamecastafiore]

That's good having insight should not stop you giving her consequences for her behaviour.

Could you perhaps look for a therapist, psychotherapy probably, in your area and pay for some sessions.

[katyclogg]

Money is very tight, would love to find her someone to talk to however, I only joined Mumsnet yesterday so still findin mi feet. Looking for Free help if it exists.

[Madamecastafiore]

You could see if the doctor or school could refer her to Camhs tier 2 services to get some anger management sessions or see if they have counsellors or a mentorship programme at school?

[katyclogg]

Ill look up Camhs tier 2 services? and will ask school... good idea. Thanks Madamecastaofiore. Smiley face

[Madamecastafiore]

You will need a referral from go or school to CAMHS as far as I am aware they do not take patients without.

[katyclogg]

Ok, made first step then, looked up CALMES TIER SYSTEM (never heard of it before) I now understand and have made appointment with doc with regards to referring her.
Just learned how to add from smileys

[Madamecastafiore]

CAMHS stands for child and adolescent mental health services.

[katyclogg]

Oh I know this now so why did spell it "calmes"? I would like that to be my state of mind.

[imustbemadme]

My daughter is a little like this too, she speaks to everyone at home with venom in her voice as though she hates us all, particularly her sister and dad. I get off lightest with it because I just remind her all the time that I don't talk to her that way so why should she do it to me, sometimes I refuse to answer her until she can 'find a better way to say it', which she will do sometimes in a mimicky voice but it means she got the message. I remind her that the way she speaks to others provokes a reaction from them.


Good luck with your daughter.