Would you be ok with your 16 yo son seeing a 19yo girl?

(42 Posts)
caseycartwright Fri 24-May-13 17:01:54

DS has started going out with his first girlfriend. He's only just turned 16 and in Year 11. She's just finishing her first year at Uni. The thing is I'm a bit worried about it all. It's not in a PFB way. I've been quite prepared for him to get a girlfriend for a while.

It's just it seems a bit weird to me that a very likeable, pretty Undergraduate would want to go out with a kid who hasn't even finished taking his GCSEs. He's very mature for his age in a lot of ways, but definitely not in relationships and I worry that he's a bit vulnerable.

Also, I feel a bit of a hypocrite as there is the same age difference between DH and I, but he was 19 when we met, so that seems more ok.

Anyway, I just wondered what your thoughts would be. Am I just overthinking this? It could all blow over by next week, although, under the circumstances, that's probably not the best term I could use!! grin

southeastastra Fri 31-May-13 23:53:31

no

Catsandtheirpizza Fri 31-May-13 23:52:55

I'd be a little bit worried, but I think to comment would drive them together.

Maryz Fri 31-May-13 17:34:38

I think the problem with this really is friends.

I mean, will he really take her out with him when he and his friends are hanging out in the park playing football, or whatever they do at the weekends? And she can hardly take him to university parties.

So my problem would be that the relationship would be just the two of them. Alone. Not part of a bigger group of friends. Which is never ideal for a teenager.

I also agree with the concern about why a nice almost 20 year old would want to go out with a just 16 year old. I suppose if it was the other way around, you could say that most 16 year old girls are fairly mature, and some 20 year old boys are pretty immature, so it is more understandable on paper if that makes sense.

higgle Fri 31-May-13 16:23:22

I have a DS of 18 who has had 2 girlfriends now. It is a bit difficult to get your head round them having a girlfriend at all TBH. If his girlfriend was the same age you would still find it a bit odd. I can tell you that it soon becomes familiar territory. I suspect that the 19 year old girl will be more chatty and friendly with you when she visits as she will probably be less shy than a younger girl.

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 27-May-13 01:45:37

Well... I think it's great for him to have a little girlfriend. I think age is totally unimportant. He seems smart. This is great for his confidence.

God it must be hard for you though! I can't imagine the teenage years (as a mother) yet. My son is under 10.

VinegarDrinker Mon 27-May-13 01:28:29

We obviously hadn't left home at the time, but I went to Uni a few months after getting together, while he was just going into sixth form.

Have you met her? Tbh I would judge much more on her personality etc than her age as such.

Ultimately though in the nicest way you can't do much about it! If it is going to last then it will, regardless of you...

horseonabeach Mon 27-May-13 01:27:03

Well if you think he's fab maybe she does too! smile You sound like a lovely mum btw. Agree with everyone else re making her welcome at yours.

caseycartwright Mon 27-May-13 01:20:40

Vinegar He's literally just turned 16 so quite young for his school year. She is turning 20 in September. I don't know if that makes any difference. As I said in the OP, that is a simillar age difference between DH and I. But we had both left home, so I guess that's the difference, to me.

caseycartwright Mon 27-May-13 01:15:12

horse I'm honestly not down on him at all. I am immensely proud of my son. And, tbh, probably a little over protective (although I try to keep that bit hidden). He's my first born. This is all new to me!

cafecito Mon 27-May-13 01:10:35

I wouldn't think it's weird. Perhaps she really genuinely likes him a lot - I'm sure it's not ideal for her either really, but it's just a number and if it were to last, it would even out and become insignificant

VinegarDrinker Mon 27-May-13 01:07:11

I got together with a Y11 when I was in
Y13. I was young in my year and he was relatively old for his though, so the age difference was less (15 months). He was bright, mature for his age and dead cute!

We've been together over 12 years now, married for 5 with 1 DS and another due any time now smile

I've no doubt his Mum would've liked him to remain her baby for a bit longer but such is life!

chocoluvva Mon 27-May-13 00:59:57

Your DS sounds like a friend of my DD. Articulate, confident, cheerful very bright but still has occasional strops over nothing minor injustices. He had an older girlfriend for a few months. Now he's going out with a girl in his year at school.

horseonabeach Mon 27-May-13 00:52:41

You sound a bit down on him. She's 'pretty and popular' and what could she possibly see in your son? Is he ugly and has no friends? Well maybe she thinks he's bright, attractive and articulate and just, well, nice?? Not all 19 year old girls want to get wrecked at the local crap nightclub and at that age, it would be normal to mix with people who were under 18 as well as over. They just like each other. I don't see the big deal but I speak as someone whose DP is eight years younger!

caseycartwright Mon 27-May-13 00:39:44

He's kind of half boy half man, really. In some ways, he's really old for his age. His Twitter account, for example, is hilarious and a really quite profound insight into being a teen.

Yet, he still throws teenage strops if he feels something is "so unfair" and expects his life on a plate.

I actually feel a bit better about it all tonight. I think one of my concerns was that I really wanted him to enjoy the next two years before leaving home. I kind of wanted to protect him, I guess, from rushing on into the next stage. But, after this weekend, I've realised that he does too, so I am going to relax a little and trust him. And just completely put my head in the sand about my little boy's sex life!! grin

HalfBakedCleverCookie Sun 26-May-13 21:07:31

Sorry couthy, I didn't mean that all 16 year old s are children although that's what I said, I think I mean that I hope when my children are 16 they are still children and in general if I think of a 16 year old I think child.

I lived independently at 17 myself and had a baby not long after so know that it doesn't apply to all.

CouthyMow Sun 26-May-13 11:27:22

Not all 16yo's are still children - you can legally have a child yourself and rent a house at 16.

CouthyMow Sun 26-May-13 11:26:30

At 17, I was living with a 23yo. However - at that point, I had a DC from a previous relationship, and I was actually the more experienced and mature one!

My 23yo partner was a virgin when we met. We ended up in a relationship on and off for 14 years...

We are now separated, but we have two wonderful DC's together.

HalfBakedCleverCookie Sat 25-May-13 18:30:49

I think its weird. My rational mind says its just 3 years but as a previous poster said there is ao much difference in where they are in life. The 16 yo is still a child but at 19 Hia gf is an adult.

YoniBottsBumgina Sat 25-May-13 17:38:44

I would probably be less worried this way than the other way around TBH. But either way it doesn't seem that concerning to me. How did they meet? If it was at work or something like that then it can feel very much equal ground and like age doesn't matter.

Bloody autocorrect. 16yo and 19yo.
Older.
16yo

I would not be happy at all. There are so many differences in what 16mo and 19gps can and can't do that I'd be hugely suspicious of the order one.

Not that you can do much about it at 16mo unfortunately!

livinginwonderland Sat 25-May-13 17:24:28

I think it won't last, but I would be okay with it. The age gap is pretty significant - she can drink, drive and live away from home, but he still lives at home and can't do those things. I think the novelty will wear off pretty quickly!

bigTillyMint Sat 25-May-13 07:44:05

Awww, that's lovely birdssmile

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Sat 25-May-13 07:26:15

( I do agree though, that at that age the age difference is somehow bigger than it is now)

It just makes me smile really, that at the time there was a hooooge difference, and now dp is actually 4 yrs younger than me.

Always liked a toyboy me.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong Sat 25-May-13 07:24:30

When I was 18-19 I was madly totally head over heels in love with a 16 yr old.

Now that I'm 47 and he's 45, and with a builder's arse and hardly any hair it doesn't seem weird at all.

But at the time, though none of my friends/family thought it odd, he did have the p ripped out of him by his.

(oh, and no way was he sweet, eager to please, or any of those other puppy dog grin words. He was a baaaaafd baaaaad boy and I luffed him)

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