I see occasionally fetching them at 11.30 / midnight as being as much part of "what I do as a parent" as I did getting up at unearthly hours when they were babies, tbh. It's not very often I'm asked, but there's no way I'd be so mean as to say to a 14 yr old they had to leave a Saturday night houseparty at 9.30. There'd just be no point in them going!
I've got a 14yr old dd and a 16yr old ds. I've always gone with "What time is it finishing?" rather than imposing a time to remove them, if the 'do' is going to finish after that (within reason, of course, but I've never been asked to collect later than midnight). My ds is in the 6th form now and parents still tend to impose curfews on parties in their homes - sometimes 11, sometimes midnight. Have you asked?
10.30-11 is late enough for me at 14. Apart from anything else I'm going out to get her!
This is obviously a " first" so I'd lay down a deal- be ready to leave at 10.30 and I wont come in and get you and be an embarrassing parent! Start with a 10.30 end time and you have capacity to give her a little more latitude to 11 or even 11.30 without it being really very late, then you can " reward" good behaviour.
Even my 17yr old is collected at middnight (if he doesn't stay over!).
Goes without saying she takes a phone and keeps it on her. She needs to know that if she is out of her depth with anything you will get her and not shout what ever happens. We never have more than a glass of wine if one of the kids is out because we want them to know that we will always do this if needed (or if there mates need help). THat might be OTT but I feel it's the safe way to not be too helicoptery with teens (in the same way that we will run any friends home that need a lift, rather than having them use the bus at silly o'clock, or risking our kids sharing lifts with teenage drivers after a party- even though the teenage driving mates that DD1 had were the most straight laced kids ever- it's still late at night with distracting passengers)
Hi all I'm after your advice again ! My 14 year old dd is going to her boyfriends house for a party and my dh and I have a difference of opinion He says for me to collect her at half 9 and I said at half 11 I don't know what to do for the best What would you all do ? Tia x