I'm trying to work out how much rudeness other people take. I've been on the receiving end of what I think is fairly outrageous rudeness and I have tried several responses but nothing seems to stop it.
For example, yesterday evening I was making dinner for friends who were about to arrive, he was stomping around the kitchen complaining he was hungry and dinner was going to be ages (I had offered him a meal earlier with DS which was something he likes) and then he started kicking the cushions from the garden furniture around the kitchen. I said don't do that, very firmly. He said why are they here, who cares if they get dirty. I was very calm and said it mattered to me. So he replied well then you're a loser.
I know there is much worse out there than this. We have had worse. But just on this topic of rudeness, what do other people do?
My natural instinct is to take a hard line. Not zero tolerance, but request a reasonable standard of behaviour. Am I just really old-fashioned?
I've tried sanctions withholding money/treat etc. but I find this messy and difficult to enforce. I've tried saying, how rude, stalking off and then refusing to do the next thing they ask until an apology is forthcoming. THis is quite successful but not always possible. I've tried talking in quieter moments and explaining that I don't want to live in a house where anyone speaks to me like that. And that I don't want little DS hearing it (they are 3 and 15).
When everything is going his way he is nice. If thinks they are not going his way, he is casually rude instantly.
I also think you have to cut your cloth according to the size of the problem. If it's just a bit of cheek from normally polite DC, then coming down like a ton of bricks might be overkill and foster bad feeling. If you've got a bigger problem, a more subtle approach then ZT is better, I think. If I walked off every time DN spoke to me in a way I don't much like we would spend all day at opposite ends of the house.