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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

14 year old wants to go to Edinburgh by train with his friends - what would you say?

38 replies

DIYMum · 21/04/2013 19:35

My son has got it into his head that it would be a great idea to go to Edinburgh (1 1/2hour trip by train) with a group of 6 friends at half term.
I had misgivings, not because I think they will get into trouble, (they are all pretty sensible) but because a group of teenage lads may attract unwanted atention from others, who might not be so nice.
He is keen to have some independence, which i understand.
I have suggested that I would go too (separately) just so there is a responsible adult on hand. He has gone 'ape' at the idea, and thinks hewill be the laughing stock with his friends.
I've told him either I go or its not happening.
Am I being over-protective?

OP posts:

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Rosesforrosie · 21/04/2013 19:35

What does he want to do when he gets there?

tribpot · 21/04/2013 19:36

Is this for a day trip? What time would they be coming home?

BOF · 21/04/2013 19:36

Yes, I'd let him at that age.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 21/04/2013 19:41

I'd let them. Edinburgh is pretty safe. What do you think might happen?

BafanaThesober · 21/04/2013 19:43

I would, Edinburgh is pretty safe, and whilst the light nights are here, it is a good step towards independence.

thefirstmrsrochester · 21/04/2013 19:46

They will be fine. There are loads of groups of young folk milling around anyway due to language schools and so on so they wouldn't attract attention.
He will have a great time.

DIYMum · 21/04/2013 19:48

thanks for replies
He plans to go to zoo, dungeons etc. Just for the day, coming home about 6.00

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stargirl1701 · 21/04/2013 19:58

I would say yes. Book everything online so you know they're busy. Mobiles on. And, fun!

Bumply · 21/04/2013 19:58

I wouldn't have any issue with ds1 (15) going into town with his friends.
Having an English accent wouldn't be an issue either - Edinburgh being full of tourists.

stargirl1701 · 21/04/2013 19:58

Not Glasgow though

fortyplus · 21/04/2013 20:03

My sons and their friends have been going into London on the train since about that age. To be honest it terrified me at the time but I bit my lip and allowed them to go. It's important to allow teens some independence and a trip to the 'big city' with a group of sensible friends is a great way to do it.

Give your ds instructions to phone you if he's at all worried and to let you know when he's on the train home. Also best to dispense some boring advice re: not missing the last train home, keeping wallets/phones out of sight, hanging on to bags etc.

Meringue33 · 21/04/2013 20:05

Yep, he's definitely old enough now. When I was 15 we regularly went into Edinburgh for cinema nights in eve.

DIYMum · 21/04/2013 20:06

Mmmm
Perhaps you're right.
I feel an opportunity for him to be on his best behaviour over next few weeks to prove to me he can be responsible coming on.........
Thanks all

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ssd · 21/04/2013 20:35

why not stargirl?

at that age Glasgow has a lot more going for it that Edinburgh

ItsRainingOutside · 22/04/2013 01:05

My dd and her friends get the bus into town (not a city I admit) on their own and they're 12. I got the train to my local city (30 miles away) with my friend when I was 11. 14 is too old to be telling him no.

roundtheback · 22/04/2013 01:28

You can't follow them around No wonder he went ape!

Can you really not remember what it's like to be 14? Just imagine having your mother watching you from 10 paces away all day when you were out with your mates . "Laughing stock" doesn't even begin to describe what he would be. "Social pariah" would be closer!

DIYMum · 22/04/2013 06:53

Ok Ok RTB I get the message.
I hadn't actually intended following them around, but take your point.
However, bad things do happen (however unlikely), and I felt it would be irresponsible to be 1 1/2 hours away if they did.
I do like to know where he is and what he's up to as I think that's a parents job. I see plenty of teenagers in my own city centre who's parents have given them freedom, drinking and behaving badly.
I do remember what it was like being 14 and I wouldn't have gone ape with my parents, would have respected their judgement, done as I was told and told them they were right to show concern..... Hahahahahaha

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GoblinGranny · 22/04/2013 07:44

I did that the first couple of times with my lad when he went to London with friends. He was happy that I did it though, I was just in the same city at the same time so that if anything did go wrong, I'd be there that bit faster.
But your DS hates the idea.
Make it a rule that he has to stick with his friends, and that his phone remains on. He'll be fine.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 22/04/2013 07:52

You are being unfair and overprotective IMO. It's not like he wants to go clubbing!

stargirl1701 · 22/04/2013 08:19

I was just being silly!

GoblinGranny · 22/04/2013 08:27

That's harsh Ehric, perhaps in another 10 years you might have a little more empathy with someone who has a teenager beginning to strike out on his own.
Op, you need to talk with him and negotiate an acceptable balance for both of you. Edinburgh's main streets are pretty safe, and if he's with a group he will be fine. The danger comes if they argue, split up or decide as a group to do something stupid. How likely are those scenarios with your DS and his mates?
If you do decide to be in Edinburgh at the same time, there is no reason for his friends to know.

DIYMum · 22/04/2013 08:55

Thanks GG
I had planned to keep a low profile and just do some shopping and suggested that his friends need never know but alla bit cloak and dagger for me and him I think.
I don't think he and his mates will go looking for trouble so I'm inclined to let him go with some guidelines.
Thanks for all the advice, will be back to discuss the next dilemma soon no doubt!

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mrsjay · 22/04/2013 09:04

He plans to go to zoo, dungeons etc. Just for the day, coming home about 6.00

he wont be able tod o all that and come home by 6 he would need to get the train into town after the zoo i would be sweating thinking about it, but yes I would let him go with his friends why not

SirChenjin · 22/04/2013 09:09

I would let him, but would have contingency plans in place, eg meeting place if they get separated, phone numbers shared etc. He definitely won't be able to do the zoo, dungeons etc in one day though - the zoo alone is a bus journey out of the city centre, and takes quite a while to walk around. Edinburgh is a safe city with lots of tourists milling about, so he and his friends won't stand out or attract attention.

mrsjay · 22/04/2013 09:18

where do you live that you get half term there isn't any other holidays apart from mayday

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