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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

What age did your teen first go to a late night party?

19 replies

snozzlemaid · 20/04/2013 20:33

Ds 15 has gone to his first late night party this evening. I wouldn't let him take alcohol along but I'm not naive enough to think there won't be any there.
Wondering what I'm going to find when I go to collect him at 11.30.
God, how did I get here from jelly and ice cream parties?

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chocoluvva · 21/04/2013 16:48

I know how you feel - my DC's are 16 and 14.

How did it go?

snozzlemaid · 21/04/2013 22:30

Thanks for asking choco - it was fine. I'm proud to say he was sensible as he assured me he would be. I gave a couple of his friends a lift home and they had all had a little alcohol but not too much. They just all had a great laugh by the sounds of it.
I must admit he's got a great group of friends - teenage boys get such a bad name, but they're really great, polite teens.

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mrsjay · 22/04/2013 09:07

dd1 was 15 and it was fine dd2 hasn't been to any yet but her friends parents are a bit over protective and dont let them go anywhere

Jimalfie · 22/04/2013 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoluvva · 22/04/2013 09:40

That's so nice. You're very wise to run them home - a lot of 'info' can be gathered by sitting with your mouth closed while they rabbit on, unaware you're listening

Funnily enough I read your remark about going from jelly and ice-cream to late-night parties just before an acquaintance told me that he'd let his 17Y0 have a party at home with 20 of his friends; it had gone okay except for them dropping jelly all over the floor!

rubyrubyruby · 22/04/2013 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chocoluvva · 22/04/2013 09:56

- I hadn't thought of that.

The thought of my two drinking at a party fills me with horror as neither of them has a stop button! And even the nicest groups of teens seem to have alcohol at parties.

Boyfriends/girlfriends/outrageous clothes/ going to places on their own; I'm not strict about, but a house full of teenagers with alcohol.......such a worry.

mumeeee · 22/04/2013 11:06

I woiuldn't say a 11.30 finish is a really late night party. I think all our 3 DDs had gone to a partied finishing at that time by the time they were 14. DD2 had started going to partied that went on until about 1am at 17.

mumeeee · 22/04/2013 11:09

Well actually to clarify what I just said. DD2 and 3 were in Drama clubs and the parties at 14 were after show parties. But they did ocaansionally go to friends parties that finished around 11,39

snozzlemaid · 22/04/2013 16:40

I know 11.30 isn't that late for parties, but it is for me when it's the first one he's been to.
I'm sure I'll be delighted he comes home at that time in a couple of years.
Choco you're right about the lift home. They did talk about what had gone on and I'm sure I learnt much more than I would have had it been ds on his own.

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secretscwirrels · 22/04/2013 18:44

DS2 is 15 and went to his first party last week. He was so nervous but it was a real success and boosted his confidence. He had had a cup of cider apparently, though I didn't let him take any alcohol,and DH picked him up at 12.
I knew there would be some alcohol involved but I know the family and it was well supervised.
Mind you DS1 was going to similar parties at 13, though no alcohol until he was in year 11.

chocoluvva · 22/04/2013 19:14

That's nice secretscwirrels. My DD has turned down a few parties as she didn't want to drink and get drunk, but knew there would be pressure to drink. At home, she's always asking for wine. Think we'll have to let her have a few drinks sometime so she can experience the effects of having more than 1 in a safe environment.

chocoluvva · 22/04/2013 19:14

That's nice secretscwirrels. My DD has turned down a few parties as she didn't want to drink and get drunk, but knew there would be pressure to drink. At home, she's always asking for wine. Think we'll have to let her have a few drinks sometime so she can experience the effects of having more than 1 in a safe environment.

secretscwirrels · 23/04/2013 13:05

chocluvvaIt's not always a popular idea on Mumsnet but we have allowed a small drink of wine from an early age on special occasions. Then from about 14 the boys were allowed a small beer on holiday. Also I have lectured them regularly discussed the effects of alcohol. That some people turn nasty, that inhibitions are lost and so on.
When DS1(now 17) was 16 I let him take a drink to parties, he would normally choose a bottle of fruity cider. He has been to plenty of parties where others have been drunk but he hasn't so far had too much himself. I'm not naive enough to think it's not a matter of time though. At home he will have a WKD about once a week but he won't drink it when out as it's a girl's drink apparently..
I have always thought that spirits and alcopops are dangerous for young teens because it's possible to slurp quite a lot before feeling the effects. Beer on the other hand tends to fill you up.Of course you can get drunk on beer, and there are some strong ones around but it's the lesser of two evils.

chocoluvva · 23/04/2013 14:02

I think that's really sensible. Except that the chief government health advisor recently advised against any alcohol before the age of 15 (brain development). So nothing for my DS until he's 15 (except low alcohol beer if he wants it).

When DD was 14-15 the parties started, which terrified me. She went to a couple then stopped. I gave her such graphic descriptions of the lack of control you have while under the influence that I really think I frightened her off having alcohol outside of home. Now she's 16 she's keen to have a drink and will be 18 in a year and a half anyway. She's recently made friends with a boy who turned 18 the other week and went to a club to celebrate. That'll be DD soon, so some controlled drinking might be a good idea indeed. (not looking forward to that).

When I were a lass..... in small town Scotland, in the dark ages, nearly all my friends and I went to the local pubs at the weekend and regularly had three or four drinks. We liked being slightly tipsy, but no-one wanted to be completely drunk as we would get into such trouble and get the pub into trouble. This doesn't happen now, but I think it stopped me going mad when I went to uni, aged 18 and one month. In some ways we had it so much easier - we all had unconditional offers of (free) uni places, no access to a city, no possibility of drinks being spiked, no alcopops. Less scope for things going disastrously wrong. Which is quite ironic, given the heavy drinking culture in Scotland.

Next time DD's friend comes round I'm going to ask him to tell us about the club scene in our city ( I know nothing). Before he went, he said that his mum wasn't keen, but he's 18 so he can do his own thing. "What's the worst that can happen?" he joked. "Get steaming and throw up," replied DD. She obviously needs educating about the dangers. Hopefully her friend will tell it like it really is so she's prepared when it comes to her turn.

chocoluvva · 23/04/2013 14:07

OOPs - "when I were a lass" of 17!!

secretscwirrels · 23/04/2013 14:53

Ah well on the subject of when I were a lass.... In 1974 when I was 16 we all went in pubs and nightclubs. There were never questions about age or ID. We used to make half a pint of lager and lime last all night.

As far as giving alcohol to the boys before 15 they liked the idea that they were allowed a beer but in practice they didn't much like the taste, DS2 still doesn't. Prior to that about 1cm of wine in a glass topped up with water. They would usually have one sip.

SirChenjin · 23/04/2013 15:01

15 - DC1 has been to 2 in the last couple of months. We let him take some alcohol (ie 2 small bottles of not very strong cider), collected him at midnight and insisted that he did not get drunk or he would not be allowed to go to the next party. He's been quite responsible about it - so far! more than I ever was at his age

snozzlemaid · 23/04/2013 17:29

So nice to read about these sensible 15/16 year olds. Fingers crossed it stays that way for us parents.

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