daughter 13 isolated at school

(13 Posts)
Deathwatchbeetle Fri 03-May-13 14:38:10

I had these problems all the time at school. It is just one of those things, I am afraid. I did not really have close friends but had a few -sort of- friends. Whenever there was an argument it seemed as if the whole workd and his wife was against me. I just learned to ingore them. The rest were pretty immature. Had that in college too. For the heinous crime of wanting to go straight home and not look at shoes, I was ostracised for 2 weeks by most of the people at college. I was two years older than they were and it showed!

Sparklingbrook Sun 21-Apr-13 16:30:54

Same as Exit. Mum of 13 year old DS, who knows what it's like. x

No advice to offer but just wanted to offer a virtual handhold as the mother of another 13 year old DD.

They are difficult times aren't they?

izzywizz13 Sun 21-Apr-13 16:23:04

Hi, its so good to read your similar stories. The pastoral care have been good and my dd can go there for lunch and breaks but its not ideal.I ring up in the mornign t o see how things are and they are usually too busy to ring me back until after the school day - makes for a very long day for me.
We have sort of survided the first weekend and dd has been out with some of the y8 boys she is friends with. Not ideal as they want to play footy and she wants to talk hait and makeup! DD is also fed up of talking about it and all i want to do is make sure that she is ok. Im dreading tomorrow morning.

Rassy Sat 20-Apr-13 10:28:52

I know exactly how you feel. It is heartbreaking. I find I also get quite anxious at times during the school day, wondering what is going on. By the time it is home time I'm literally pacing up and down!

DD1 also finds it difficult that DD2 is always out and about with friends. DD2 is the complete opposite, personality wise, to DD1, and the phone and the door are always for her.

I suppose we all just have to grit our teeth and hang off the Spanish Inquisition each day!

PJM18 Fri 19-Apr-13 23:45:17

Hi. I have the same situation with my 13 yr old son. His two best friends seem to have decided that they don't want to hang about with him now and are not inviting him anywhere with them. The 3 of them have been friends for years and I find it very upsetting. Like your dd Rassie my son still walks to school with a group and one of the 'best friends' also walks but barely talks to my son. I find that I amd always asking him about it and suggesting that he invites some new friends round etc and he has been getting really angry with me. I find that I can't help myself as I want him to open up and feel that I would be able to give him support and advice but he won't let me. I've decided to try really hard not to mention it and see what happens but it's really hard.

bevelino Fri 19-Apr-13 22:04:54

Friendships are fickle at your dd's age and petty squabbles tend to blow over pretty quickly.

Rassy Fri 19-Apr-13 21:04:44

The pupil support teacher called me at 8.15am this morning and was good. She spoke to dd this morning (got her in on the 'pretence' that she had not yet had her annual guidance meeting), got her on to the subject of friendships and luckily it all came tumbling out. Support teacher discussed matters with dd and told her she can come and see her whenever. Teacher also called me to say what had been discussed and that she had now 'opened a dialogue with dd'. DD did say tonight that she felt she could go and see the pupil support teacher.

DD now getting annoyed when I try and 'grill' her about her day. I know have to step back but am worried sick. DD can be quite 'closed'. Ex friend is also still walking with dd and two other friends to school (who are not part of the group) but ex friend completely ignores dd and can't even bring herself to say hello to dd. I honestly could swing for the ex friend.

alpinemeadow Fri 19-Apr-13 14:40:32

Izzywizz, you said you'd been in to the school - did the school suggest anything they could do at all? (eg suggest she join some lunchtime clubs or activities to meet up with some other pupils in her year who weren't involved in the argument; or give her something to do at break to fill the gap when she has nobody to talk to, maybe with another pupil who's feeling lonely at the moment?).

Rassy, how did you get on with the pupil support teacher this morning?

Lots of sympathy to you both and your dds this must be awful.

Jimalfie Fri 19-Apr-13 09:38:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rassy Thu 18-Apr-13 20:22:28

Hi - my dd (age 13, 2nd year of HS) is also going through something smilar at the moment. Best friend from primary decided 2 weeks ago that she no longer wanted to be friends with DD (gave some pretty pathetic reasons too) and DD now been excluded from group of girls they were part of. This is the first week back at school and DD is finding it pretty tough going. She feels that everyone else is either paired up or in groups. I tried to phone her pupil support teacher this afternoon but she had gone home, so advised to call tomorrow at 8.30am. I don't expect the school to wave a magic wand but I just want them to be aware that dd is having a tough time. She feels she fits in no where.
I'm finding it really tough as well and have been crying quite a bit!

Ihavetopushthepramalot Thu 18-Apr-13 20:04:48

I think being there for her is the best thing at the moment. I remember this age, and it wasn't uncommon to fall out with friends but be talking again by the end of the week. Give it a while and they'll either make up or she'll have found a new group to hang about with.
I would say keep an eye out though in case it turns into bullying. She's only really just started secondary though so if it escalates, or she's really unhappy in a couple of months maybe look at other schools in your area.
Lifes way to short to be unhappy.

izzywizz13 Thu 18-Apr-13 19:58:40

my daughter had a typical teenage argument on monday at school and now it has escalated and none of her group of friends (10 girls or so) will speak to her. She has no one to walk with to school, no one to have lunch with talk to through the day or walk home with. I had to take her and pick her up today. She is heartbroken and i feel so helpless. I have been in to school but they cant make the girls talk to her. I just dont know what I can do other than be here for eher?

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