Sleepover while we're away

(25 Posts)
Cooroo Thu 18-Apr-13 07:52:42

DP and I are away camping with friends this weekend.

DD - 16 and sensible - wants to stay home rather than go to her father's. Fine. Now she wants to have a sleepover - 3 girls. I know and like them all, though one is a bit wild the others are pretty sensible. She's told me no alcohol (not absolutely convinced, but she rarely drinks) and def. no smoking, no boys.

DP (not her dad, but co-owner of the house) is dead against. Thinks 100s of people will turn up (not likely... i think). I need his agreement really, but would like to reward her for generally cheerful, co-operative attitude. Am awaiting his response, giving him 24 hrs to come to terms with it.

Thing is, he's a bit of a grumpy git unsociable when it comes to kids/teens and I doubt he'd agree to her having a sleepover when we were in either!

Thoughts?

Yonihadtoask Thu 18-Apr-13 14:04:37

you know your DD.

Do you think she will be okay - will the other girls behave?

Are you only away for one night?

Would/have you let her stay on her home alone for this length of time?

I was left home for a week ata time at 17 - and tbh mostly was well behaved. I had a boyfriend back once or twice - and my DM always knew. Gah. But no wild parties.

Cooroo Thu 18-Apr-13 14:27:38

I would say yes to all the above. I guess the problem is DP who has a right to a say, it's his house too. Treading the delicate balance between the 'step's.

Fingers crossed he caves in this evening...

PrivateNightmare Thu 18-Apr-13 14:33:47

bribe him. you have to allow your DD her fun with her friends. turn on the charm, promise blow jobs, do whatever will convince him.

Cooroo Thu 18-Apr-13 15:03:28

Thank you PrivateN - I always rely on reasoned arguments, bribery sounds much better. I'll try it!

Cerisier Thu 18-Apr-13 15:07:26

I would say not while you are away but do let her have some friends over when you are back.

I would not let my sensible teen have a sleepover/party without any adults in the house as you never know who will get wind of it and turn up.

Yes DD should be allowed to have fun with her friends but DP should be able to go away safe in the knowledge his house will not be used by a load of teens while he is away. He is paying the bills so has that right.

Cooroo Fri 19-Apr-13 07:20:13

Cerisier - didn't see your message till this morning or you might have swayed me! Anyway, DP was either very grumpy or very tired last night and muttered 'Tell her what you like' when I asked. So it's going ahead. She is under strict instructions not to let anyone else come, to wash up/hoover/generally restore the living room to its usual state (which is actually pretty scruffy!).

Fingers crossed!

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 19-Apr-13 07:24:54

Remembering a sleepover at my friends house which turned into a big party when we were 16, my reaction is no way.

Memories of the next morning are cleaning puke off the floor and cutting out cigarette burns with the scissors. Think her parents thought we were both sensible and had no qualms about leaving us, they reviewed that opinion on their return.

dadofnone Fri 19-Apr-13 07:31:03

No I wouldn't tbh. It's nothing to do with your daughter being sensible but a friend mentioning it to another it putting something simple on fb such ad 'looking fowardc2 a wkd night at .... party! The rents r away! ' that would be my fear anyway!

AnyFucker Germany Fri 19-Apr-13 07:36:28

Oh dear. Do update us on the carnage how it went.

Cooroo Fri 19-Apr-13 10:27:16

She is under strict instructions to text/ring me Saturday night to reassure me. I've told her if I don't hear I will drive home from the Lake District, and call the police to send them round!

Cerisier Fri 19-Apr-13 11:08:04

Oh dear. Can you get a neighbour to keep an eye out? And give DD an emergency phone number of someone close by she can ring if there is a problem?

YoniConnect Fri 19-Apr-13 11:15:02

We went away for 1 night a couple of weeks ago. DS (nearly 16) was working (in local chippy) that evening, and we were due back at lunchtime the next day. No problem you might think.....we came back to:

a bin full of bottles and fag ends
vomit stains on (cream) carpets
broken glasses and a vase
decent wine all drunk
some cash stolen from DS's wallet

I trusted him,, but things had got out of hand. It had started out with a couple of friends coming round (I would have had no objection to this had he told me), and escalated through twitter and facebook, so that friends of friends turned up. And we live in a pretty small village (although it is on a bus route), so it is a bit of an effort to get here from the nearest town.

I would say No NEVER, EVER again!

Cooroo Fri 19-Apr-13 11:22:20

Now I feel sick. This is not being mentioned on Facebook, and DD said they'd all agreed they wanted a 'chilled' night with all the GCSE pressures etc. Will text her with more heavy warnings! And alert neighbours, just in case....

flipchart Fri 19-Apr-13 13:00:48

Make sure that nothing goes on Twitter as well. A lot of teenagers I know use Twitter more for conversations than FB.

I'm sure it will be ok but I would be worried.

mindfulmum Fri 19-Apr-13 14:08:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsRainingOutside Fri 19-Apr-13 14:53:50

If you can't trust her to have some friends over while you go away for the night then you should stay home as she can't be trusted at all.

Put all your valuables/breakables away discretely, give her all the mandatory warnings and hope that she won't let you down.

Theas18 Fri 19-Apr-13 16:20:35

It's a no from me, and I probably have the worlds most trustworthy teens (I asked DD1-now 19 if I should let DS -17 plan to go on the 6th form holiday as I though it would be wild and worrying, she said of course I should his mates are lovely, and really a bit dull y'know!).

It's not not trusting your kids, it's not trusting other kids I fear!

Cooroo Fri 19-Apr-13 17:55:16

I'll let you know what happens... I have told the neighbour and she'll ring me if anything seems amiss. They don't do twitter and I haven't seen anyone mention it on FB. They really aren't party animals - more goth!

Cooroo Sun 21-Apr-13 20:40:20

All went well! 2 girls came, they mucked about, ate doughnuts, watched lots of Big Bang Theory and must have tidied up after themselves. No drama. Thank goodness.

DP revealed it's the whole idea of strangers in the house he doesn't like, plus being made to look like the ogre if he's the one to say no. Apparently he'd rather I just hadn't told him!! That's an attitude I find quite hard to cope with as I like the idea of being hospitable. He's going to have to get used to it as she gets older. Already have BF round about once a week and DP is not very happy with that either!

Yonihadtoask Sun 21-Apr-13 20:46:56

That's good that it all went ok.

YoniConnect Sun 21-Apr-13 22:09:40

I'm glad it all went well for you.

mumeeee Mon 22-Apr-13 11:18:19

You were very brave to let her do this while you were away, |Even at 16 our DDs were not alowwed to have sllepovers if we were away. Yes I know that's a nit protective but as DH says it is our house and we are paying for it not them. Also we would be worying about the friends taking over, Yes I know a lot of youngsters live on thier own at 18 but that is in thier own place, We of course let them have friends over for the day but just not to stay the night and they were also not allowed big parties.
They always went with our rules and we never had any problemss.
They were howver allowed to have sllepovers when we were around.

Cerisier Mon 22-Apr-13 14:21:18

I am glad all went well. We love BBT in this house too, top viewing.

BTW once a week for BF doesn't sound unreasonable, why doesn't DP like it?

Cooroo Mon 22-Apr-13 19:51:22

Oh, he's not officially objecting, but tells me it makes him 'uncomfortable' having a 'stranger' in the house. I like the BF (have known him from local music centre for a while), but DP hasn't met him till recently and pretty much blanks him. Since DD and BF spend all their time playing computer games, I'm happy with the whole thing! DP will come round eventually - he hardly noticed DD until she was 16 and 'adult' enough for him to relate to. Now they actually speak to each other and even have the occasional conversation!

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