Well shit. I handled that one badly.

(456 Posts)
survivingthechildren Tue 16-Apr-13 12:19:16

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

SunflowersSmile Tue 16-Apr-13 12:38:11

I so could see myself doing same thing. Is friend still in room?!
You don't need to apologise...

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit is right:

You did a good thing, the right thing!
An overreaction would have been if you'd chucked him out of the window

That made me smile!

MandragoraWurzelstock Tue 16-Apr-13 12:39:01

OP just checking but you're not just winding us up are you.

chicaguapa Tue 16-Apr-13 12:39:07

I'm sorry that you're so angry about what has happened, but what a brilliant reaction! I would have felt exactly the same way as you, but at least he knows he pushed back too far this time.

Did he buy the xbox himself or was it a family one/ present? It might be complicated if it was his that he'd saved up for, but otherwise let him sort out getting another one, albeit that he has to save up or use some money he already has.

And wait for him to apologise to you first for speaking to you and about you in that way. There's no way that is ever acceptable and he absolutely needs to recognise that.

Ebayaholic Tue 16-Apr-13 12:39:11

I would have done it differently.

I would have grabbed the phone after hurling it and said 'sorry about that, I was just putting DS in his place'

Otherwise, good call!

RaspberrySchnapps Tue 16-Apr-13 12:39:53

didn't handle it badly at all, you were magnificent.

bet he didn't see that one coming grin

Mandragora they don't learn the smart mouth as such. It just comes with being 15.

AuroraAlfresco Tue 16-Apr-13 12:40:14

I'm a pretty touchy-feely, yogurt-knitting, punishment-free parent, but hells bells, I think I would've done the same if I'd been spoken to like that! And yes, with him on the end of the headphones, possibly! grin

He will never forget this, not in a milllion years.

I think given the circumstances you were very restrained! If anyone spoke to me like that they'd be feeling the rough edge of my tongue! But one of your loved ones - no way! Not only disrespectful to his mother, but sexist to boot. That boy needs to learn that it is never acceptable to talk to a woman like that. I think I'd be thinking very hard about further punishment right now. How about being walked to and from school and no socialising for a month?

TheSmallPrint Tue 16-Apr-13 12:40:36

shock The day my DS speaks to me like that I'll be throwing him out the window. Good on you, he won't forget that in a hurry and as others have said PLEASE do NOT buy another and do not apologise or tell him you over reacted. Arrogant little so and so.

Beechview Tue 16-Apr-13 12:41:02

I don't blame you at all for doing what you did. I would've probably done the same.
Don't replace it. His behaviour may even improve.
I see how some members of my family get after playing certain games on the xbox and its not nice!
I really believe it can make some people quite aggressive even if it is temporarily.

everlong Tue 16-Apr-13 12:41:32

He will think twice before calling his mother bitch I reckon.

<high fives OP>

I shake you by the hand warmly, OP. You have put into action what some of us fantasize about.

Welcome to MN by the way!

JesusInTheCabbageVan Tue 16-Apr-13 12:41:39

I honestly, honestly don't think you could have improved on the way you handled it if you sat down and thought about it for a week. Perfect. I'm not joking.

Floggingmolly Tue 16-Apr-13 12:42:29

Does it? hmm.

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM Tue 16-Apr-13 12:42:49

wow, don't think I have ever seen a first post with 99% of respondents in agreement.

You will break Mumsnet you know OP - it's not used to that kind of thing grin

Good on you for putting him in his place. I would hope I wouldn't throw something of such great expense out of the window, but then I don't have a teenager (although DD aged 9 is doing her best to impersonate one) so I cant comment!

Looking at my beautiful newborn son, dreading the fact that one day he will be an 'orrible teenager....<sigh> Oh well, that's a few years off, for now he is still nice grin wink

K8Middleton Tue 16-Apr-13 12:42:59

Awesome.

You have done him a huge favour. How dare he speak to you like that?!

ScrambledSmegs Tue 16-Apr-13 12:43:04

OP is in New Zealand. It's 11:40pm there, she's hopefully asleep.

And Xbox live means mate was online - they were chatting via headphones. Probably the reason why he was trying to show off.

survivingthechildren Tue 16-Apr-13 12:43:25

Phew. Thank you so much for the support ladies. I was too scared to post in AIBU for fear of an slew of "your poor son, he must be terrified to live with you" comments.

finickypinickity Yes, as well as a number of wires. I just yanked them right out of the wall, which from a safety perspective was an idiot thing to do.

DH is well on my page, although a little shocked. He said we should have canned the devil's device xbox ages ago. I just feel shit for the other DC though, who now have to suffer for their brother.

But there is no way on this earth I will replace it. I've regretted it pretty much since in came through the door. The obsession with it, seems so much like an addiction! Does anyone have teenage DC and not have some sort of games console in the house?

Beechview I agree with you, it made my XP's DS a nightmare. They get obsessive over it and I hate all the gory violence etc.

Bloody teenagers.

Floggingmolly Tue 16-Apr-13 12:43:44

That was to Freddie, btw. You think that's normal for a 15 year old? Not in my world.

Witchesbrewandbiscuits Tue 16-Apr-13 12:43:56

haha, absolutely fantastic op!

FromGirders Tue 16-Apr-13 12:44:07

Awesome! I hope I'd have done that! Much more effective than screaming at him and hurting your throat (which is what I'd probably have done).

K8Middleton Tue 16-Apr-13 12:44:07

Congratulations Brian smile

Skang Tue 16-Apr-13 12:44:14

Having used Xbox live I know that it is rife with strangers speaking to people like absolute shit, maybe his attitude is coming from there?

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