Well shit. I handled that one badly.

(456 Posts)
survivingthechildren Tue 16-Apr-13 12:19:16

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

ElleMcFearsome Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:16

Ok, first off take some breaths and have a cup of tea. Don't do anything for a bit.

You lost your rag, we all do that sometimes. Honestly, being called a bitch and then informing friend that he was 'putting you in your place' WTAF? I'd have lost my temper (which only happens about every 5 years!)

Mothers have feelings as well. Doesn't necessarily do teens any harm to realise that. I'm quite angry on your behalf!!

Do you have a DP? Only asking because you might want to sing from the same hymn sheet with regard to where you go from here?

Sorry not to be much help! But seriously, have a cuppa first and just let some of the adrenalin subside.

Jenny70 Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:19

Not ideal behaviour, but we're all human. He needed a shock, and hopefully that's it.

And if the modem is somewhere not near him, I'd be hiding that too!

weemouse Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:27

I salute you on throwing the xbox out the window and rendering him speechless. You handled it perfectly. Apologise? You must be joking.

I was just putting my mother in her place would have seen me lift his head clean off his shoulders.

Swearing at you and your husband? He sounds vile. He needs to learn some respect.

Never mind tea, have some well deserved wine

And in no circumstances whatsoever do you replace the xbox

I think you did absolutely the right thing! The way he spoke about you/ to you was disgusting and deserves real consequences - smashing taking away the Xbox permanently is exactly what needed to happen.

Skang Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:33

I think I would have done the same or worse !

Definitely don't replace it, he needs to remain back in his place! What an awful thing for him to say/do!

Gerrof Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:35

I don't blame you actually. He should NOT speak to you like that.

Don't replace the bloody thing.

I would keep away from him for a bit, you are still upset. When you have calmed down have the chat, he needs to understand that he can't just badmouth you like that.

ElleMcFearsome Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:52

wow - so many x-posts!

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit Tue 16-Apr-13 12:28:00

Tell him he can learn some fucking manners, arrogant little shit. See, you can swear too! Ask him if he prefers his home like that.

Ooh, after original laugh I am seething for you.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 16-Apr-13 12:28:32

Obviously you shouldn't have chucked it out of the window but understandable that you did. I agree with freddie that it's OK for teens to see that they've pushed you too far sometimes. And he did push too far. I definitely wouldn't replace it either. If he wants another he can get a job or perhaps agree to do chores at home for money.

finickypinickity Tue 16-Apr-13 12:28:38

I just had a thought.... Were the headphones still attached to his head when you lobbed it out the windowshockgrin

Doodledumdums Tue 16-Apr-13 12:29:05

I'd have done the same thing! Don't feel guilty, he should never have spoken to you like that!

Oh absolutely take right thing. Do not be hard on yourself for a single minute, if has been rude and disrespectful in front of mules people and them followed it up by proving his utter contempt for you, you did well to stop at the x box!! I would be locking the den door too and forcing him to interact with his family rather than hiding away up there.

He deserved what happened!

I'm not going to go against the consensus here - I would certainly have wanted to do what you did, and I think it will have given your ds the shock of his life - and might make him think twice the next time he decides to push your buttons!

Don't beat yourself up about it - and as others have said, don't go and talk to him now, let everyone's feelings calm down, and discuss it tomorrow.

Tbh, I don't think I would even say to him that you overreacted - because given the way he spoke to you, I don't think you did. What he said, and how he said it was utterly unacceptable, and he deserved a dire consequence.

You did right.

schobe Tue 16-Apr-13 12:30:27

He can enjoy getting a part time job to save up for a new one in, ooh, about 3 years.

poozlepants Tue 16-Apr-13 12:30:27

Good on you- you did entirely the right thing. Do not under any circumstances apologise or buy him another one. I think what you did will have more effect than any calmer decision you could've made at that point.

ArabellaBeaumaris Tue 16-Apr-13 12:30:59

Out of interest, what would you have liked to have done instead? Calmly removed it? Wouldn't have had half the impact!

grovel Tue 16-Apr-13 12:31:21

He will have learned a really useful lesson for life, I promise you.

Oh and absolutely what SDTG said - do not tell him you over reacted. Because you didn't. He was vile and horrible. I bet he wouldn't talk to anyone else like that. He shouldn't have to you.

Actions have consequences. And he might have just learnt a lesson. The hard way. Tough.

Floggingmolly Tue 16-Apr-13 12:31:42

I'd have dove the same. It's not over, though. "Just putting my mother in her place". shock.
Bloody hell, that's serious shit. sad

GeekLove Tue 16-Apr-13 12:31:44

"putting my mother in her place"
You put him in his place. Don't apologise as I think you showed him you do not make idle threats. When things have calmed down make it. Lear that he is to replace it with his own money.

Rikalaily Tue 16-Apr-13 12:32:04

A similar thing happened to ds's X box 2 weeks ago (he's 11 in a week). X box in the bin and his behaviour has been a lot better since.

I think an extreme reaction is needed for that type of disgusting behaviour, how dare he speak to you like that and even worse, say what he did to his friend. Total disrespect and I bet he doesn't push his luck quite that far for a very long time.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Tue 16-Apr-13 12:32:07

Maybe you wouldn't see that written in any parenting books - but I applaud you. His behaviour was beyond the pale.

I agree with the others- don't replace it. Don't apologise. Grudgingly accept his apology on the understanding that he never speaks to you or anyone else like that again.

Pootles2010 Tue 16-Apr-13 12:32:08

I don't think you've done anything wrong at all! I think this will do him some good actually, and hopefully help to make him respect you (and others!) a bit more actually.

Agree with others though - do not replace the bloody thing! And I'd be considering turning that teenage den into my sewing/dressing room, but thats just me...

NellysKnickers Tue 16-Apr-13 12:32:14

Good for you, sounds like he deserved it and needed a shock. Wait til tomorrow and have a chat and maybe apologise for losing it. I threw DS1s harmonica out of the window once, he was only 6 and just stood there with his mouth open for about 10 minutes grin

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