Well shit. I handled that one badly.

(456 Posts)
survivingthechildren Tue 16-Apr-13 12:19:16

Oh Christ what have I done. First post here, but have really blown it and could use some advice.

Just minutes ago I had a major fracas with DS(15). It was that bloody xbox that did it. Things have steadily been going down hill for months - cheek, not helping with chores, have to nag to get everything done, fighting 24/7 with family... We always follow through, try to have natural consequences, yanno from parenting 101.

But tonight (we live in NZ), DS is in the attic where we have a sort of teen hideout, playing on xbox live. We've been entertaining the neighbours and DS has been a disgrace all night. Grunting when spoken to, sulked because we asked him to eat at the table and not up in the den, swore at DS and I. I was mortified. And so so furious. Even writing those words now is making me sweat with rage.

So after they head home I go to have a word. Consequence will be no xbox for 5 days. I'm talking to DS, he jams him headset back on, gives me this horrible sneer, and them says "you don't control me bitch". Then he turns back to the screen and says to his mate "sorry, I was just putting my mother in her place".

The red mist just descended.

I went straight over to that fucking machine and threw it out the window. It's now lying smashed to pieces on the path.

Oh shit shit shit. Still not a good way to handle things. I'm now swinging between frothing wildly at the mouth and wanting to you upstairs and blast him, and wanting to slap myself for blowing my cool so spectacularly.

DS is in shock and hasn't emerge since I stormed from the room.

Do I go up and talk?

Oh God. Can't I just go back and make a better, calmer decision?

Dont go up. Don't apologise. Wait til everyone has calmed down tomorrow.

I think you did a good thing.

Well, he won't be such a smart mouth the next time will he?

I don't think it does teens any harm to see adults lose their cool occasionally. I'd not be replacing the x-box either.

awkwardsis Tue 16-Apr-13 12:22:35

I don't think you handled it badly at all. I'd sit down with a cup of tea (or wine), calm down and wait for him to come down and apologise. Putting you in your place indeed. He's lucky it was the X Box and not him through the window frankly.

Well..... maybe not the textbook way of handling it but tbh I think he deserved it. I should bloody well hope he is 'in shock' and maybe, just maybe, that shock will make him think carefully about how he speaks to you in future.

DeWe Tue 16-Apr-13 12:23:24

Sorry but it made me chuckle. I'd love to have seen your ds's face at that point.
Don't apologise. He now knows he's gone too far. I'm guessing no x-box for a bit more than 5 days now though, which is right after he said that to you.
When things are calmer you can discuss what he can do to earn another, maybe? I doubt you'll get far on insurance for that.

TobyLerone Tue 16-Apr-13 12:23:34

This is probably spectacularly unhelpful, but I think this is amusing because it's something I would do. And I can just imagine his face when you did it!

This is the ultimate in 'following through with your threats'! And I think he deserved it. How dare he speak to you like that?

HobKnob Tue 16-Apr-13 12:23:46

Sounds like he deserved that one.

Oh and DO NOT REPLACE IT no matter how guilty you feel or how thick he lays it on.

CatelynStark Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:02

Good for you! I'd do the same if one of mine was that rude to me!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:18

I think you did the right thing! It's absolutely clear he crossed a line.

TobyLerone Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:20

X-posted with everyone!

schobe Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:27

Totally not an overreaction. I don't blame you.

Do not apologise, he crossed so far over the line that the line was just a dot to him.

Betrayedbutsurvived Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:30

I think you were remarkably restrained.

finickypinickity Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:53

The only thing i would be annoyed about is that the X box could have been sold for a bit of money, other than that i wouldnt be overly bothered.

Leave him to it for now and wait until you feel a tiny bit more rational before having the chat.

He put you in your place and you put his x box in its place.

And yes in my house he'd have been told he was bloody lucky it wasn't him out the window.

Cheeky wee skitter.

You did the right thing.

survivingthechildren Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:16

Ha! awkwardsis Well if I could lift him up that would have been my first call!

OK, I think I will wait til things have settled before talking to him. Thanks ladies, this parenting lark is rotten at times isn't it.

purrpurr Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:22

Good for you OP. Who does your son think he is, Jesse Pinkman?

SomeKindOfDeliciousBiscuit Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:28

You did a good thing, the right thing!
An overreaction would have been if you'd chucked him out of the window grin

myflabberisgasted Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:42

<high fives OP>

Another one here to say good for you!!

Do not apologise, no one deserves to be spoken to like that!

Growlithe Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:43

That is what I would call a natural consequence.

ScrambledSmegs Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:46

<applauds>

Yep, maybe not textbook parenting, but I bet he thinks before being such a little shit again.

Bringmewineandcake Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:05

I would also leave it for the night.
Maybe not the "correct" thing but without it perhaps you'll all see the benefit!
And how dare he treat you like that, drastic action was required. Have a brew

MrsYamada Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:09

I know it was a bad reaction but I can totally understand how you got there! Agree with waiting until everyone has calmed down before talking.

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