Calling parents of 14/15 yr old boys!! Advice wanted re: going out(28 Posts)
DS is 15 in May - every school holidays we have the same 'argument' re: going out with his friends, in that he doesn't.
He says he texts them but they don't reply (am reading between the lines here!)
He does alot of extra curricular stuff - scouts, St Johns, volunteering, rugby but not socializing.
So is it-
a) he is so tired during term time he doesn't want to do anything?
b) speaking to friends is easy nowadays with FB, Skype, they don't NEED to physically meet up - this is his view and I agree up to a point
c) he is Billy no mates
So does yr ds go out?
I appreciate that this isn't the worst problem (if indeed it is one) we could have with a teen but any advice would be gratefully received!
Very normal. It was 6th form before ds started going out, and then it tends to be the girls that arrange things. He hs one friend who will get everyone together every now and then to go for a curry, or to meet in the park to play football, but if that mate doesn't organise it, then nothing happens.
If he's happy don't worry.
My 19yr old DD didn't have much of a social life till at least 6th form but at uni she's fine (always had lots of mates though).
DS (17) has only really started getting a social life and DD2 (14 nearly) never meets up with her mates.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I felt a bit 'guilty' putting this thread up as so many parents have the opposite problem!
And yes, you're right CheeChee it's just part of their natural development.
Oh I am so glad to read this. My son is 14, and doesn't go out very often either. On the one hand I'm happy he's not up to bad behaviour, but I feel he is isolating himself. He seems to be popular enough, and he also seems to be happy (says he is anyway), plays in a lot of music bands through school, so maybe when it's the holidays he's just plain exhausted.
He's my youngest and not like my older ones who I couldn't keep track of most of the time.
You can't force these things. If they're already members of various clubs then they're already getting out and about and socialising. There is, IMO too much worry and emphasis on "socialising" and this unfortunately starts from when they start crawling or even before. As adults we have the choice of when or even if we wish to socialise, and with whom. Some people are naturally quieter and prefer their own company and some love the company of others and never stay in. I say, let them be who they are as long as they're safe and happy!
BF = best friend, it's perfectly possible at 15 she'd be meeting a boy friend. I guess that will come all to soon.
DD2 has had a couple of very very short lived ones.
DD1 (15) likes a break from school and the people she sees day in day out. If possible she meets up with her BF, who lives a fair way off and goes to a different school. Else she face times her and goes out with us and her sister.
DD2 (12) misses her school friends and mates from primary and sees as much as possible of them in the holidays.
Moans like a proper teen about going places/ doing things with parents and DD1, but I suspect, actually has fun.
I am getting more reassured with each post!
My DS is happy & this is the most important thing!!
My ds is the same but without all the activities your ds does OP - I've had to massively lean on him just to go to a music club for an hour a week!
As others have mentioned there are a lot of these type of threads so whatever else it is, it is normal. Thank gawd for Mumsnet as otherwise I would probably be really worried.
When he was younger it was easy for me to organise getting together with friends but now he's going to have to learn to do that for himself. Despite how grown up they can seem, especially in looks, they are still very young and finding their feet in a confusing world.
Pleased I came across this thread was only thinking yesterday about DS lack of socialising. Pleased to hear he is 'normal' and yay a friend came calling this morning and they are both upstairs on the Xbox
Just looked at a random selection of threads here on Teenagers and every other one is someone worried about their teen never leaving the house. It seems quite normal
He's younger (not 13 for another six months) but if it wasn't for one mate in particular ds wouldn't go out much either. Even then it's to each other's houses - they're allowed to go into town and things but it doesn't occur to them.
He has scouts and youth club and I'd like him to join cadets next year to get him out of the house but impromptu meeting up doesn't often occur to him.
Same here DS1 17 and DS2 15 rarely go out but both happy.
I think its an age thing.
My ds17 is very sociable now, but wasn't at 14/15. My other ds14 avoids being sociable when at home even though he is happy at school. Friends often phone up and inviting him places and he always wants me to make excuses for him.
My DS 14 is just the same - happy at school and in life in general, but prefers being at home to going out socialising. I make him go to weekly youth club, but his chosen form of socialising is talking for hours on skype. He says all his friends are the same ... It just seems to be what makes him happy at the moment. OP I think your options a and b are the reasons why, especially as he does lots of other things. I am watching this thread with interest.
My ds2-15 has one close mate and a few others who he goes out with occasionally.
He's not like ds1-17 who's a social animal and won't stay in the house if he an option to meet up with his friends, some of whom now drive, that's another issue altogether!
If your ds seems happy and content with his own company I wouldn't worry too much, ds2 also fb's his mates all of the time.
He'll find his own pace.
I have a 15 year old son and have exactly the same problem. However my ds doesn't have any other interests - has tried lots of things like learning guitar, scouts ( when he was younger), golf etc and he hasn't stuck at anything! He now plays computer games almost 24/7 and rarely goes out with friends (although I hear him laughing and joking with friends online). He says he is happy but I am afraid I am not. Feel very frustrated and powerless to change things always ends in an argument when i try to restrict the use. Reading comments here I realise I am not alone which is very sad. I would be ecstatic if he did other activities so I wouldn't worry. Like others I hope it will change as he matures and again like others I take comfort in the fact that he is not out drinking, drug taking which some boys he knows are doing. What happened to good old fashioned youth clubs?!!
Thanks for all the reassuring replies!
I know it all takes time!
My son is 16 and is same, happy in school, doing well and appears to have friends in school. After school/holidays, hardly ever goes out, chats on Facebook. Been out once this holiday! Other than that been in on Xbox, watching movies and has done some revision. I think he would like to have more friends but for whatever reason it's not happening yet. It worries me a lot but the more of these posts I read the more I am beginning to think it is a common thing. I would be happier if he had more of a social life, but he is very self conscious, bit reserved as well so don't think it helps him making friends. Just hoping with age/bit more confidence he will come out of his shell.
DS (16) doesn't really do much socialising during the holidays but I don't really worry about it as he needs a bit of "alone" time after a busy term to recharge his batteries.
My DS is 16 and has a busy life with cadets, evenings and weekends away, but only has one or two friends he sees in town during the holidays. He is happy on xbox live thingy chatting to friends and being with us on days out etc. I use to worry about him not socializing... but he's happy doing what he's doing
and really I'm happy knowing he's safe at home So If I was you I wouldn't worry too much.
Mine dragged me to Games Workshop yesterday. Just because he wanted company (I could tell).
But hey ho, at least he was out.
Kids who don't go out much are usually cheaper to run. Something to be pleased about.
It is a tricky one isn't it because you want your children happy, busy, popular and enjoying life. My DS like this, is happy and enjoying life but just wants to be at home and not out!
My eldest DS is the opposite and is out all time and easily bored if at home. Which shows, i suppose, that it is down to the child not the upbringing. Youngest DS is a mixture of the two.
At least your DS has hobbies and interests which he'll be able to expand on over time - my 14 year old DS has none.
Ok, so he's not the only one atm!
I do know that in a short space of time this will prob end up you can't go out, you've got no money/ too much hwk etc!!
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