You've got to eat something to do well in exams

[Dooohhh]

Hi there. New to this so don't really know what dd, ds ect means, but anyway...
My 12yr old daughter is in an extremely competitive London girls school. She has always put masses of pressure on herself during exams and it has been getting worse. It is her first year at the school and even though she was at an even more competitive boarding school with end of year exams, she has started to get really worked up about them.
Before she broke up for Easter she got the results back from random history and English tests in which she got 70 and 75percent. She completely broke down that evening and told me that she felt like she had failed and there was no point anymore.
I have also noticed that she has stopped eating properly, I'm only getting her to eat the toast size kind of plate of food for supper, I'm never up when she leaves for school as I get back from work up-north at 12:30 but her bro says she never eats or drinks anything, and I doubt she eats much at school. All this even though she is in the middle of a massive growing spurt.
Tried explaining that if she wants higher grades she has to eat, even though I did not feel they were bad at all.
Sorry for the length, any advice appreciated
Dooohhh (Homer Simpson)

[Dooohhh]

Thanks so much dancing queen.
One question; this was my first post, the London clubs one was the second, I was wandering why they have had next to no interest. Is it the subject or is it me???
X

[eatyourveg]

Not sure if this is helpful but would getting a good multivitamin & mineral tablet be something she would consider taking in the morning?

ds2 (ASD) has had huge issues with food over the years and when he is having a bumpy ride of things he refuses to eat anything but will accept a complan drink which has the nutrients in it to tide him over in the short term. That may be another way to go but I assume if it is an ED, it would require a different approach entirely

[Dooohhh]

Didn't eat any Easter eggs, barely touched supper, she just says she's not hungry
I can normally get a berrocca down her and a vitamin d pill, but she is looking so pale, like getting looks from people across the street pale.
Thanks, will keep trying to persuade her in the mean time
Xx

[BriansBrain]

Are you close, could you ask her outright what the no eating thing is about and ask her if she thinks it is stress related.

I'm sure you wouldn't but please don't get on her case or try and force her to eat. My dad who now I know was just concerned about me would make me eat meals, cold meals that I would then make myself sick to get rid of.

My ED started as a lack of interest In food at that time for what ever reason and ended up a constant battle at meal times, I learned to hide food and avoid meal times altogether very quickly.

I'm nearly 40 and still have an awful relationship with food.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

DS1 us in Y8 and was starting to get a bit anxious about this year's exams. In some subjects he has to learn everything they have done since the beginning of Y7, and he is also at a competitive school with some very bright (and pushed) boys.

If he comes fifth in the class on a test, he'll compare his performance with the four boys who did better than him, rather than all the others who did less well.

I sat down with him at the beginning of the Easter holidays and we made a list of the topics that he needs to revise for each subject. This helped something unknown and anxiety-triggering become a manageable task that could be broken down into steps.

I then asked him to rate each topic green (very confident), yellow (bit rusty) or red (no clue about any of it). He didn't rate any topics red, and there were quite a few greens. This made him realise how much he has already learnt.

Perhaps you and your daughter can come up with similar strategies to make the whole exam season seem less daunting and a bit more something that she has some control over.

[Dooohhh]

Thanks everyone.
I have asked her why she won't eat and she says she just isn't hungry.
Yesterday I made an appointment with the GP for Monday, if it is an ed, what can he do??

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

www.nhs.uk/conditions/Eating-disorders/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Some info here and links.

[Dooohhh]

Thank you so much for that
Looking at that, sadly, I think she shows the signs of anorexia, so I can't say that's put my mind at rest, but I will hope for the best and wait for the GPs opinion
Thank you

[Dooohhh]

Also, is there anything else I should be doing in the mean time?

[chartreuse]

I had an ED as a teen and even now 20 years later whenever I am stressed or anxious I find it very difficult to eat. Try not to focus in the food, that will make her worse, try to get to the root cause so that she feels like eating again. Try the 'little and often' approach as large meals can be very daunting. Smoothies, milkshakes, etc can be easier to take.

Reassure her that you couldn't care less about her exam results, her happiness is all that matters.

[Dooohhh]

Thanks, chartreuse, it's really good to have some real experience advice

[chartreuse]

Good luck with your GP, let us know how you get on. She is lucky that you have noticed something is wrong and are taking it seriously.

[Dooohhh]

Hi everyone
Been to see GP who said although he admits that she doesn't really look underweight at all, but because she is so tall for her weight, he BMI is far too low (16).
He has referred us to CAMHS with an appointment for next week (quick!)
He has also suggested that we put her on the waiting list for Rhodes Farm, but you don't really get much of what it is from the website. Anyone know or have any experience??

[chartreuse]

How brilliant that you have got such an early appointment. Afraid I don't know about Rhodes Farm but I'm sure someone will.

Well done for taking such positive action for her

[Mrsrobertduvall]

Just read this, and glad things are moving quickly.
When you get back to school, definitely go in and speak with her head of year/pastoral care team. They should give support and reassure her about exams etc.

[Dooohhh]

Sadly no, she will not believe she has a problem. I tried explaining to her about the BMI but she just said its all lies.
Glad that Rhodes Farm has such a good reputation, so thank you for that.
The GP suggested putting a normal sized portion of food on her plate and sit down together and start talking straight away, about anything, but with 10 or so second breaks