At my wits end with 16 yr old dd

(30 Posts)
kansasmum Wed 27-Mar-13 06:53:12

Says it all reallysad she has been difficult the last couple of years but nothing this bad. Last night she was told to stop messing about at dinner and to stop winding up her 6 yr old brother.
About half an hour later she says she doesn't want to be with us anymore and storms out. I manage to get her back in the house and try and talk to her but she s really rude and abusive saying she hates me and her dad ( mostly me though) and she isn't going to live here anymore and is leaving etc. I tell her she is not leaving. Goes to storm out again and finds doors locked so climbs out window.
She has sneaked out windows before at night and gone god knows where and I've found out much later.
Her sister(19) went after her but she hit her sister.
Came home a bit later and started shouting and carrying on being abusive. Dh snapped and really shouted at her so she starts hitting him and swearing. He walks off and after trying to speak to her calmly she says she s going to her room. We say ok as we are exhausted and she promptly hotfoots it out the door. She's been out all night. I texted her to say I needed to know where she is. She did text back but I've never heard of the friend she is apparently staying at but she's been lying about where she's been over last weeks so could be anywhere. Has various teenage friends( boys) with cars who seem happy to provide taxi service - she has very little money so god knows how she is paying them ( dread to think).
At a loss and she has said she is going to 6th form then back to friends then her pt job in the pub then back to friends.
Sorry this is long but don't know what to do and dh had to go to London at 5am. I Have hardly slept and been crying half the nightsad

wifeandmotherandlotsofother Wed 27-Mar-13 19:28:55

OP - I have had to accept that if she refuses to come home there is little I can do, she now will text me if she's not coming home so at least I am not left wondering. I have reiterated my non negotiable rules (with varying success) and I have stopped trying to fight every battle I would like to. I am hoping that a change of school in September for A levels will also help as she hates being compared to her sister and brother and also me as I once taught there. I hope that once she feels she has more autonomy over her life she will be happier.

wifeandmotherandlotsofother Wed 27-Mar-13 19:33:05

OP - should also have said nothing is ever ever her fault, there is always a reason for her behaviour. Usually my fault, you'd think I'd learn smile

It's in the job description grin

toffeelolly Wed 27-Mar-13 19:48:04

So sorry to hear your story, you are doing your best. Your dd does not know how lucky she is to have parent's like you who care what and were their children are and what they are up to. Think it does get more worrying the older they get. My dd is only 7 but i will most likely have all this to come. Hope she is home soon and good luck.

notquiteruralbliss Thu 04-Apr-13 09:12:27

Sounds like a fairly normal 16yo. My eldest (now @ uni on a very academic course & dong well) spent most of her 6th form years doing no work, staying out for days @ a time & doing the whole sex / drugs / rock & roll thing. My current 16yo (super bright) left school @ 15 & chose not to sit GCSEs. She has an active social life (with a very wide circle of friends), is doing work experience in a field she loves & seems happy. We don't really do rules / boundaries in our house so she comes & goes as she pleases. She does however keep her phone switched on / answer calls / let us know if she's going to be out overnight. I'm assuming that she will go back to study if / when she's ready / interested.

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