Hi. My 13 yr old son has had 2 close friends for many years but in the last 6 months they seem to have been leaving him out and not inviting him round etc. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just tells me to leave it and won't talk about it and then we end up arguing. I don't think anything has happened and think one of these friends has influenced the other but nothing I can really do. He has a few other school friends who he hasn't early seen out of school and I have tried to encourage him to ask them round but he just won't do it and again we end up arguing as he tells me to 'shut up and go away'. We are always arguing about this and although I promise myself that I won't mention it I always find myself going on about it and just don't understand why he won't ask anybody else round. I go between feeling really sorry for him and being really frustratedly him. Any advice?
If he's got to the point of telling you to 'shut up and go away' I would leave it! He won't want to ask friends round if he thinks his parent will be hovering around.
It's a shame the long-term friendships have fizzled out and you're probably right that he is upset about it but there's nothing you can do to engineer the situation. Make a bigger effort not to mention it to him as you're only adding to his stress.
Thanks. I know you are both right and it's me that as to find a way of dealing with my need to 'sort it out'. I just wish he would open up and I then feel I could help him but I know I just have to accept that he may take a while to get his confidence back and invite friends round. I just find it so hard to keep my mouth shut!
Know what you mean tho' - my ds is the same age and i've had to accept that he is not going to be as open with me as he used to be. It's a bit sad for the parent but from all the teen books i've read seems to be a natural and important part of growing up and becoming independent.
Gawd knows what we're going to be like when it gets to the girlfriend stage!