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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Need advice quickly please! 15yr old DD wants to go to a concert tonight...

21 replies

Primrose123 · 10/03/2013 13:48

DD (15) has just asked me if she can go to a concert tonight. She is generally very good, works hard in school and outside activities. She has always been a little quiet and shy so we have always encouraged her to make friends and do things with them.

She wants to go to a concert, in Cardiff, which is about an hour's drive from us, with a boy from school. They have been in a group of friends for a while, but we have not met him or his parents. He was supposed to be going to the concert with a friend, who is ill and has dropped out. His dad will take them and bring them back.

She says they are not boyfriend/girlfriend, just friends. He was going out with one of her friends until very recently.

She has met his parents at a school function and says they are lovely.

I trust her, and do not think she is lying at all, and trust her to behave sensibly when there (no drink, drugs etc), but I don't know him or his family at all. Would I be completely mad to allow her to go? Also, she has to be up early for school tomorrow. I don't know the times yet, she is going to find out and let me know. I know DH will just say 'no', so it's down to me to be fair, and if I say she should go, I know I can convince him to let her go. He's just a very protective dad, and doesn't really want her leaving the house at all, especially with a boy!

I also worry about who else will be there. Will it be much older people, or other teenagers? What happens when they leave the concert to meet his parents? What if they get lost, separated etc?

OP posts:

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nickstmoritz · 10/03/2013 13:56

I would let her go on condition she doesn't make a fuss about her early start tomorrow and that you can give his dad a quick call to confirm the lift situation. If the gig is at a reasonable venue then it would be pretty hard to get into any trouble and the lifts will be door to door presumably so she will be safe. She sounds a nice girl and you will be showing your trust in her. I can understand your worry but I think it would be ok.

TheSecondComing · 10/03/2013 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihatethecold · 10/03/2013 14:00

I would let her go. Good luck with her dad!

Maat · 10/03/2013 14:02

I think you need to trust your dd on this one.

She is getting a lift there and back. She is going with a friend she has known a while.

At 15, she needs to be gaining some independence and (hard though it is) you need to let her explore new territory.

The alternative is that she will resent you I'm afraid.

Primrose123 · 10/03/2013 14:09

Ok, thanks for the advice. Seems I should let her go then!

I have just found out it is in the student union nightclub. Does this sound good or bad? I have never been into going to nightclubs so am completely out of touch with this! It finishes at 11, so the earliest she will get to bed is 12.30. It is her GCSE year, so quite important, but on the other hand she did well in her science module results last week - all As and A*s, so she does deserve a treat.

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Maat · 10/03/2013 14:19

so she does deserve a treat.

^^ that's the important bit, Primrose.

If she is studying hard and acting mature, then she needs to be treated with the same maturity.

I know it's hard - I've been there - but it does get easier.

Teenagers are very resilient on the sleep front so don't worry too much about her studying.

nickstmoritz · 10/03/2013 14:25

My advice to DD when she first started going to gigs was make sure she has her phone, stay with friends, don't leave your drink unattended (I realise this is a bit OTT but at least they can't have their drinks spiked even though this is probably a very rare occurrence). Apart from that just let her go and enjoy it and hopefully she will appreciate you saying yes especially if you tell her that you appreciate her working hard. I went to Student Union gigs at that age.

TheSecondComing · 10/03/2013 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Primrose123 · 10/03/2013 16:39

Yes it is 14+, so she might need ID. I'll go and check.

Well, she's going. Her dad took a bit of convincing, but my parents were here and my mum said to let her go etc, so he came around. Trendy grandma or what!

We've told her all the safety stuff, stay together, watch your phone, keep your hand over your drink (water!).

It's just so far away, and it's in a city rather than a local town. Makes me feel a bit .

Thanks for all the advice.

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nickstmoritz · 10/03/2013 17:06

ah, well done. It will be fine, don't worry I'm sure her friend will look after her and they will have something exciting to talk about at school. Now the other kids will think you are the cool mum!! I definitely felt nervous the first few times DD went out by herself with friends but I am better now. As other people have said they have to become more independent and we have to learn to let them. Hope it all goes smoothly. Your DD will know you trust her and that's good for your relationship.

WeAreEternal · 10/03/2013 17:13

Usually at 14+ gig anyone under the age of 16 has to be accompanied by someone over the age of 18, and at a SU they are very likely going to be check all IDs

You should probably call the venue or check online just to be safe.

Theas18 · 10/03/2013 17:23

It'll be fine. Agree su will be hot on id and she will not get alcohol for instance.

needs to stay safe ie watch her stuff (take add little as possible) stick with her mates,
And watch her drink.

bruffin · 10/03/2013 17:23

Dd 15 has been to plenty of 14+ one at Kings college London and never had to show id nor had to be accompanied by older person.

pettyprudence · 10/03/2013 17:37

cardiff su don't normally require id for gigs, gigs are normally in the exam hall. its a small venue and a different entrance to the main su (use senghenydd rd not park place). pretty hard to get lost or lose anyone there

Primrose123 · 10/03/2013 17:44

Thanks Prettyprudence, that makes me feel better!

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Primrose123 · 10/03/2013 23:14

She's just texted me. She's on her way home and had a fantastic time.

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nickstmoritz · 11/03/2013 09:16

Glad it went well. Hope she got up ok this morning! Hope she remembers what a nice mum she has got for letting her go.

Startail · 11/03/2013 09:21

Glad she enjoyed it.
Was just going to post that I would have let DD1 go, for exactly the same reason.

So congrats to your DD on the GCSEs and may our DDs keep up the good work.

Trills · 11/03/2013 09:24

Glad it went well and that you trusted her and she showed herself to be deserving of that trust. :)

Primrose123 · 11/03/2013 22:21

Thanks everyone.

Trills I always trusted her, that wasn't my worry. It was all the other people there who might hurt my pfb.

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Gymbob · 11/03/2013 22:46

Ahh big hugs to you Primrose. Well done for letting her go. I just want to keep my DD where I can see her until she's about 25!

You must have felt elated when you got the text to say she was on her way home to you. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it..

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