Mumsnet Talk

I let DD 14, year 9 have a gathering last weekend, DH was away and as he always gets very stressy about any of the kids having friends over thought it would be a good time to do it. She invited 10 kids from her year who I know and then the boy she is seeing from the year above (who is lovely) and three of his friends (also lovely). I went to my neighbours and checked from time to time, all seemed fine although some of the kids had clearly been drinking before they arrived. DDs boyfriend and his friends - who you would think would be the ones drinking being older - were not as all had rugby early next morning. Later on another boy arrived from year 10 who wasn't invited, they asked DD if he could come, apparently she said no but someone let him in. Why she didn't come get me immediately I don't know but I think she felt intimidated. I asked him to leave when I next checked and he did along with a couple of others. Next day we found two new bottles of vodka missing from our kitchen and also DDs ipod taken from her bedroom. Another girls phone went missing too. Husband is furious about the alcohol (he doesn't even know about the ipod or the phone) Obviously we think it was the gatecrasher who took the stuff although have no proof. When I mentioned his name to DS 17 he said yes he would not be at all surprised if this boy had stolen stuff. Apparently this boy always has loads of cash on him and is known to deal weed with the older boys! Husband blames me for letting her have kids round in the first place so huge arguments last night and this morning. Don't know what to do :-(

There's nothing you can do, except to learn from experience and limit gatherings in your home to known teens only. I wouldn't stress that much - at least it wasn't on fb so that thousands descended on your home. I had a party aged 15 and will never forget my mum coming home to the chaos and damage; she gave me a hug and said she knew it wasn't my fault!! Why she went out I do not know, but we never had another party.

Put it down to experience

Been there, done that

Yes, it was your fault for letting her do this. She obviously isn't mature enough to keep on top of the situation, and that is your fault, not hers. And you cannot accuse someone without proof, the thefts could just as easily have been one of the "lovely" kids that came along

I'm with your H, sorry

It's a horrible feeling, isn't it?
I have had alcohol stolen several times.
I have had a camera stolen.
I was actually burgled last summer by someone who was almost certainly known to my DS1.

Each time, I had my suspicions about who was responsible, but was not ever sure enough... The first time, I tied myself up in knots trying to be 'fair'. After that, I simply banned anyone I knew who was present in my house when something had gone missing. It was a clear abuse of my hospitality and I decided I didn't need to be 'fair' - I needed to feel that myself and especially my younger DS were safe.

I also had locks fitted on our bedroom doors. We still use them when we're out. This means that I can lock valuables and booze (and in fact tasty treats!) in my bedroom and be sure that they won't go missing.

I hate that I don't trust my DS's friends and acquaintances, but I don't: I never found out who burgled me, and so I have been left with a horrible suspicious paranoia, thinking "Could it have been him, or him?" about several of them.

I wouldn't (necessarily) suggest you fit locks after a one-off incident. You can all put it down to experience. But it is an option, and knowing this might make you feel less powerless... You can't do much, if anything, after you have had things stolen, but you can stop it happening again.

We have had quite a few teenage parties and gatherings, which have all been fine (no thefts, serious damage, ER trips, etc).

I wouldn't leave alcohol accessible if it's not on offer, and I would never leave the house, (though I do hide out, after making it clear that I am on the premises).

I think it is lovely that you let them have a gathering, and it's too bad that one unpleasant person has now given the whole idea of having friends come over a bad feeling.

I'm sorry you jabe had stuff stolen although at 14 I would not have left a gathering og 14 year olds in my house on thier own. Yes I know you only went to a neighbours and were checking from time to time but all sorts of stuff could have happened when you were not there.