My experience has been that other parents rarely want to hear/believe bad news, and you will not be thanked. There is also an odd (and potentially damaging) blame-shifting phenomenon that seems to go something like this... You: "Oh dear, our DCs have been doing X" Other P: "Oh MY DC wouldn't do THAT... But obviously yours would... Hey, everyone, her DC is doing X!"
I don't know whether I believe the reported drop in numbers of teenagers smoking. Certainly it is very widespread around here - I'd say far more than half of all teens smoke, and my DS(17) says almost everyone does... And it seems to be even more common among girls than boys - they apparently see smoking as a way to keep their weight down.
No I don't think you should phone the parents. If they can't smell cigarette smoke on a teenager then they aren't really trying, are they?
Just focus on chatting to your daughter about why you are worried about the way these girls behave - not just in an "I'd go mad" kind of way, but things like the fact that most adult smokers wish they had never started, and how it can be hard to make sensible decisions when others are doing something, but that you hope she is sensible and will think things through rather than following the herd.
Sooner or later, you won't be picking her up from school - help her to practice thinking through why some things are not a good idea, so she can do that for herself when you are not there.
yes i am loathed to ring the parent - you never can seocnd guess there reaction. I also agree when I was at school in the late 80's smoking was commonplace - lesser so nowadays - nevertheless I think 13 is young to do that.
Agree about weed and also maybe harder drugs.
Trouble is I think these girls get the school coach to school and are obviously running rings round their parents. I would hope I would pick it up - I am and try to be always nosey! Without DD knowing!
I don't think it's your responsibility and I wouldn't ring the parents. Tis their job to know where their child is and I find it hard to believe they wouldn't detect smoking. I would keep wide open the lines of communication and discussion between you and DD. Smoking is much less common now among young teens than when I was at school in the 1970s. I also think it's a gateway to weed. Of the boys in my DS's year who started smoking cigarettes at 14, almost all of them now, at 17, smoke weed.
picked my dd up from school the other day only to see a group of her friends smoking who were a little way ahead of her. Daughter and these friends are year 9 so 13/14. I was shocked I have to admit. My daughter wasn't smoking - she knows i'd go mad and what the repercussions would be if I caught her and she is also collected/picked up by me at school times. When I said to my dd about it she said these girls say to their mums they are doing clubs after school when in fact they are hanging about in parks and chasing older teenage boys!
Question I have is do I ring the parent of one of these girls (I only know one from earlier days at primary). Do I tell this parent about her daughter? I know if it was me I would want to know. BUT .... you know the general rule of thumb is not to interfere. Still think though that 13 is a young age to be smoking. Haven't contacted the school but have a feeling they will say its off of school property so not their problem.
Can't help but feel a slight responsiblity for these girls welfare.