13 year old DS lying at school.(8 Posts)
My 13YO DS regularly tells lies as well. He thinks he won't be found out. He also makes minimal effort at school. Tonight I'm going to make him write a letter of apology to one particular teacher who he really likes, but has been messing about nevertheless. You can't tell my DS anything. I'm hoping that he will begin to see that lies are usually found out/not worth the bother - ie, the natural consequences of his behaviour are not worth telling lies for.
In his case being on his case to the extent that you and your school are with your DS I think would be counterproductive - he'd find some other way to rebel probably. It's a very difficult one to call though. You have my sympathy.
IME 13-15 are the most difficult years - if that's any consolation. I share your frustration though.
Thanks again for your input. Seeker - I agree, think it is very naive of teaching staff to believe what he told them ie he was no longer on a report card although he only got away with it for one afternoon's worth of lessons. We have parked the idea of an Ed Pysch report for the time being as he displays no signs of learning difficulties apart from not being a**ed - his older sister says he is just lazy! MadAboutHotChoc (me too - have you tried those solid chocolate chunks on end of sticks that you just leave in hot milk to melt - heaven!) He actually has Saturday morning school then a match for the school in the afternoon - hockey this term. But there is a lack of interest in anything else so you are right - it would be good for him to get a hobby. I have to say, he is a much nicer boy off the Xbox - less aggressive and leery.
You say he is good at sports - doesn't he play any at weekends? You could make a deal with him and ask him to play an organised sport in return for being allowed on the xbox a certain amount of time.
As for the lying and deceit, I am afraid I would confiscate the x box as well as sell the game. He needs to learn that lying has consequences.
A couple of things leapt out at me.
How on earth did he get away without having his report card signed?
You say he was bored all weekend without the Xbox- does he have any other interests?
And the EdnPsych and everything seems a bit over the top, unless you have other concerns?
Thank you both for replying. You are right yellowbrickrd, he is fearless and intelligent enough to beat the system (to an extent!). And interesting twist SashH on Xbox - better to lose the game rather than Xbox - it would certainly make our lives easier as have had bored teenager mooching about all w/e. Upside is he did read in bed last night. Anyhoo, am meeting his teaching team on Tuesday and booked him 3 sessions with Human Givens therapist who has vast experience of dealing with this mindset. Also going to have him tested by independent Ed Pysch for dyslexia and all the rest. Fingers crossed because he is not a bad lad!!!!
I'd leave the Xbox, but the game would be
sold in the bin.
I'd be giving him the £1 but deducting £1.50.
Also I'd want confirmation from his teachers at the end of the week.
Didn't want to leave your post unanswered although I haven't had experience of this.
The lying and manipulation must be very worrying for you and sorry to say it sounds as if it has already taken a pretty strong hold - most 13 year-olds would be too afraid of authority/consequences to take lying to that level. On the positive side I have to say he sounds very intelligent and confident (and focused, when there's something he wants).
What was his attitude to school when he was younger - did he enjoy it more or has he always had a problem with it? Is he bored with the work at senior school?
Hopefully there will be some other experienced posters along to help soon.
The DS is a term and a half into his first year at Senior school and is not making any effort in class. This has resulted in a report card system being adopted whereby he gets every teacher of every class to give him effort grades, comments on his behaviour in said class and initial their remarks.
I have been rewarding effort grades of 1 or 2 with £1 and Xbox hours - effort grades of 3 or 4 have resulted in same amount being deducted. He was hell bent on buying new Fifa Xbox game so earned £38 via this system & was able to buy said game. I was slightly suspicious at lack of initials but trusted him as he has made improvements this term. However, on my prompting, his tutor has discovered that he filled in the uninitialled marks himself. He also lied about being collected from school to avoid set prep time in the library. Instead he went into town with his friends. All systems set up to teach him self-discipline for the GCSE years ahead are being manipulated.
I am so disappointed by his behaviour and wonder how best to approach this lying before it takes a strong hold. He has made friends and is good at sports but is a very convincing liar.
I plan to confiscate the Xbox until he has "re-earned" the hours legitimately. I will also explain how lying gains nothing and just hurts him as well as others.
This is my first ever conversation so apologies if I have been too long winded. Would love some feedback from those of you who have experienced the same.
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